Uni Life Diaries #1

Year Two, take one.

#1: Commuting to class

Picture mine, actually taken on the way to class.
Everyone's squeezing like sardines, both inside and outside the bus...
If there were less people,
some of them would probably stare at me because I'm taking pictures.
Journalism student in training, must brush up my skills mah. haha. 

Rush hours aren't limited to the big city streets. It also exists in USM, as everyone is still trying to get used to the new bus system. Buses and bus stops are filled to their limits, and walking to classes is more common in campus now - maybe a blessing in disguise for those who want to lose/maintain weight, but be prepared to wash your clothes more often as they get drenched in sweat more easily.

Honestly, I appreciate the fact that USM is taking the effort to try and improve the bus routing system to accommodate an increasing number of students as well as increase the turnaround times per bus (so that we won't have to wait too long to get on one). The buses that are used now are actually bigger and more comfortable (for the same rate per semester so far). For that I'm grateful.

I think those who planned the route have good intentions, but I'm a bit lost at the execution part, because it seems like the jam has actually increased compared to the previous year. The reason is most likely a combination of increased student intake, unfamiliarity with bus routes (so people wait at the wrong bus stations), as well as the lack of the number of buses to critical areas, such as the Padang Kawad bus stop (the RST complex undeniably has the biggest population of students because of its big capacity), Aman Damai (because physically disabled students are allocated places there, but so far a van has been allocated for that purpose so that's settled I guess), and the road that passes by the SOLLAT/HBP area (many people have classes/courses there as well as the DK D/E/F complex). No system is perfect, but surely it could use improvements...maybe I feel ''it'' more because I stay in Restu (which, even though relatively new and comfortable, is the furthest hostel from anywhere in USM) and have to experience ''the squeeze'' a few times per day. For the past few days, I have actually walked more so that I didn't need to wait until I can squeeze on the 5th bus that comes along after about half an hour (!). Many students have complained about the 3rd reason, but I don't think it's the only reason.

Since last year, I don't like having to be selfish on the bus route. To take someone else's seat on the bus, or block someone's way up, or having to squeeze against someone making them feel uncomfortable. (I don't like it done to me either, obviously.) But if I wanted to get to class on time by bus, I'd no choice but to do some of those things. Unless I come out about an hour before classes or before (imagine 8am class = wait for the bus at 7am) or walk. Normally, if I can't get on 3 buses, I would walk straight away. Those are the times where I wished I had a car. But then, cars contribute to the big street traffic jams, so...

Anyway, hoping for the day where there is no longer a need to squeeze like sardines in campus buses anymore. :)

#2: The weather
 It rains the whole day one day, and then a heat wave comes the next day. Very typical islandic weather, which means, (here's a tip) plan your laundry days as well as you can, because you wouldn't want to have a lack of clean clothes to wear.

But monsoon change can actually be kinda pretty, like these clouds descending on the mountains behind RST that I saw today morning: (the clouds in the sky are pretty too!)

It looks like a fluffy worm. Or is it just me?
This pic was taken with a proper camera,
hence the better quality compared to the bus one above
(which was taken on my mobile phone)
Clear skies are beautiful. :)

Another tip: Since the weather is so unpredictable here in Penang/USM, there are a few essentials that I would suggest you have to make traveling easier out of experience, which will be:
* this applies to any coastal area with tropical, infrequent rain/sunshine. So, the tips can be used outside USM. :)

Photo Credit: bark via Compfight cc

• Slippers/sandals with a good grip. Don't use old slippers/sandals where the pattern or ''groove'' at the base has disappeared due to prolonged friction, or risk slipping and getting yourself wet on rainy days (personally witnessed this many times + happened to me quite often also)

Photo Credit: * Cati Kaoe * via Compfight cc

• Umbrellas: The small, cheap, foldable kind of umbrella, although convenient, has a shelf life of about 4 months - a year at most over here (if you rarely use it) due to strong wind that will blow your umbrella inside out, breaking the metal frame. So unless you don't mind changing one every half a year, consider getting a bigger one, the kind you hold in your hand. Shade in the sun, protection in the rain. It's essential.
  * unless you tend to lose things easily like me, then have to settle for smaller one lo. Sad! I own two umbrellas now actually (one in use, one spare), my 6th and 7th ones since last year respectively, so I have an unofficial title: The Umbrella Wrecker now -.-

Photo Credit: Joe Shlabotnik via Compfight cc

• Sunblock/sun protection lotion for hot days, unless you want a more tanned complexion. It's not the beach, but still if you wish to maintain skin tone, sunblock helps.

Okay, that's all I can write for today. Off to lunch, then classes. Have a nice day :)

Encouraged

Family Photo! pic credit to Nic :)

...is how I would describe my experience in PKA USM Family Camp 2013.

(For those not from USM reading this, PKA = Persaudaraan Kristian Agape, it is one of the Christian fellowships in USM that I joined.)

I've never blogged about events that I went to before, but I do really want to share my experience and what I have learned from camp.

The biggest aspect that made this camp experience very special for me is the family fellowship. The 'human connection' element in the camp, made very possible by the events planned by the committee as well as the conducive-ness of the place we went to (quiet beach resort) is what made me feel a sense of belonging. I seldom experience this in life to be frank, mostly because I shy away from people in general, but I was really happy to be able to talk to people comfortably, just like how I would talk to my own physical family and childhood friends back home. I admit, I was still really guarded in general throughout camp, but there were instances where the guards came down and genuine connection happened between the campers. Here are some of those experiences that I mean:

pic credit to Wai Quan :)

Team Ranger

On the first day of camp, without warning, I was assigned to lead this team. What, me, lead? I thought - and for the next few hours, I actually freaked out and shut myself out from talking to people because of it, because I believed that I could not do it well. In my mind, I was too introverted and didn't have the passion needed to do do. But my group members - some who were exuberant and lively, while some were rational and thoughtful - were so dedicated, supportive, and constantly uplifted and encouraged me when I didn't know the right words to say or the right things to do. During the games as well as when planning our team cheer, everyone was so sporting and joined everything - making me feel, well, encouraged :) We spent a lot of time sharing, and all, yes all of the members shared from their hearts and experiences, understanding where everyone comes from. I was able to see different sides of people that previously I only knew superficially. We even had an impromptu sharing session after the 3rd service - it was initiated by the members themselves instead of it being a 'must-do' activity. Benedict, my assistant in the team, suggested that we do this activity, codenamed "M.U.S" - short for Moral Uplifting Society, where everyone takes turns to say positive things about each other, one person at a time. It was an eye-opening experience to how much encouragement was offered during the session, and it wasn't just superficial comments - they all were deep and well-thought out. Really enjoyed the camaraderie that developed within this team :) Go Rangers!

pic credit to Alison :)

Not Your Typical "Church" Camp

Now don't get me wrong - I enjoy church camps, especially back home! But this camp was refreshing in its execution of activities. The speaker conducted the preaching not so much like preaching - throughout the four sessions, he shared so much from his own life experiences, and even when he shared extensively from Scriptures, it was shared in a way that I didn't feel like it was 'preaching' but more of we all being in one big group where he was sharing and again, encouraging us to enter into the joy of knowing God through knowing God's Word. The devotions were taken quite seriously every morning - the dynamics of my team made every session become reflections on how we should live out our daily lives. There were also prayer stations that we prayed for every morning, on our own - something I wasn't used to, but an interesting experience. There were stations such as thanksgiving, praying for each other's needs, praying for our own needs, praying for the CF, praying for our blood family and other's blood families, and praying for our friends. I saw everyone spending time with God themselves, and when I tried to, it was so weird - so instead of saying words, I decided to play my guitar (softly) in a corner - and songs just flowed into my mind from memory, reminding me of how good God has been in my life. :)

pic credit to Carol :)

First Time

This camp was the first time I worship led in PKA - and also the first time in life where I played the guitar and sang at the same time. Back home, I did either one of it, not both. My youth friends who were song leaders could all song lead and play guitar at the same time, and I really admired that skill of theirs since young. I've always wanted to do that. For some time I struggled with the thought that I wanted to do it to show off my skills (which are pretty amateur actually). One day after attending a BE (Bible Exposition) meeting organized by PKA, a sudden surge of desire came to me to volunteer to worship lead for this camp. So before I started thinking too much about that desire, leading to the wrong motive of wanting to show off, I quickly volunteered to worship lead for one of the sessions. After that, I became skeptical of whether I could really pull this off, but my worship team - as well as other friends - again, encouraged me with their willingness to step in and serve, as well as reminding me that I'm not the one who supposed to pull this off, rather it is allowing myself to be used by God to facilitate others into worship. Before, during and after my session was over, many campers either came up to me personally or wrote notes to me to (again) encourage me about my song leading and told me that I did a good job, that I was talented, that I had a heart of serving. A friend and fellow camper told me yesterday that when she saw the way everyone encouraged me during and after my session, she was touched to tears. I think to myself again and again, what have I done? I remember playing wrong chords and the flow of songs could be improved. But hearing so many kind words, my energy spent thinking on the weaknesses was replaced just by saying thank you to everyone for their support.

Love letters <3

Personal Resolutions

Throughout the camp, my brothers and sisters in PKA were either telling me personally or writing notes to me saying that the Lord has made me beautiful, capable and talented, and that I should accept myself the way I am. The message that I should accept myself the way I am has been like a resounding chorus that many, many people have been trying to tell me since day one - my mom and dad, church members back home, even some people that I don't know personally that have talked to me. For years and years, I had a huge problem with self-acceptance. I always think that self-acceptance is a very selfish thing and I must always condemn myself to humble myself. Nice things should only come from the mouths of others. The problem is, (this is one area where I find being a thinker and having a lot of self-awareness helps) despite being in denial, deep down I wanted people to acknowledge me and notice me, and I fixate my thoughts and activities on how much people notice me. So, I talk about myself a lot and try to impress people, hoping people would get to know me and then say nice words in return, but when they don't, I tell myself that I didn't do enough to please them. This constant focus on pleasing others has ironically made me focus on myself even more...and negatively. No wonder people are driven away! 

It's a very weird idea for me, even right now, to see that trying to impress people, though focusing on others, is a selfish, defensive act of trying to compensate for wanting to believe good things on myself. I heard before that it is spoken, love your neighbour as you love yourself. I stress over loving the neighbour part, but always wonder why I have really not much love for people in general. The messages that I received in camp brought me to the realization of the "love...as you love yourself" part. Thinking through it...if I don't love myself, or more specifically, always complain about how I am unlovable, unworthy and unable to do good things, how would I know to love other people genuinely? Ironically, self-acceptance seems to be the way to begin if I ever want to be less selfish and love others more. It's all still jumbled up in my head somewhat, but I'm thinking this through.

Being brought up in a Christian home, I heard the basic salvation message that Jesus died for my sins many, many times. I usually just accept it without giving it too much further thought. Yet, thinking about why this event is so significant, I stumbled on the thought that when He died for my sins, He actually took away all the condemnation that I bear due to the fact that I am not good enough, I always mess up, I fail to love others, etc. When it is said that there is no condemnation in Christ in the Bible, I actually struggle to understand and apply this verse in my life - because I condemn myself almost always for the smallest of things, giving me such a negative, pessimistic energy. If I am forgiven, then why does my heart, my conscience, always condemn me? Maybe I have spent my entire lifetime listening to half-truths and too easily personalize judgement that I hear as defining of who I am? This is one area that I want to intentionally work on this semester. A brother suggested to me in camp that I should spend five minutes everyday just looking into the mirror and telling myself, "I love you" and meaning it...perhaps I should try that out. I'm also currently accountable to some people about dealing with lies and baggage that has stunted me and making me unable to make myself useful and experience joy.

Another resolution I have made is to intentionally improve my relationships with some of my brothers and sisters in real life, by intentionally spending time with them face-to-face. The reasons vary - some I haven't talked to them much, some I only talk to online, and some relationships in need of restoration...by approaching them the way I am, without trying to please them or talk too much about myself to let them notice me, yet by spending time, allow them to see who I really am.

All in all, I really felt that the whole camp was ripe with the spirit of its theme verse: 

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Heb 10:24-25)

as well as this verse:

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thess 5:11)

Twenty Thirteen Resolutions :)

Beautiful Penang Bridge view from Chew Jetty is the backdrop of this poster...

the stuff that comes out when one fools around with Photoshop :)

It's 2013 which means:

2012 and its bittersweet memories are things of the past. Nice to ponder and reflect on, but already history. Which means that it's moving on time.

I'm turning 21 this year. Funny how I looked forward to turning 21 for ages when I was a teenager but once it comes, I don't want to grow anymore... Peter Pan syndrome at work here. But hey, life goes on so it's gonna be a journey of growth this year. Technically though, I'm still 'underage' until August so...haha, here's to enjoying the remaining 8 months of non-adulthood while it lasts ;) But most importantly...

...time for New Years' resolutions! I'll follow up on Resolutions 2012 in a following post but now, I shall reveal the four stuff I'm gonna attempt to do this year, as well as the steps that I'm going about to achieve it.

Resolution #1 for 2013: follow the One Year Bible (OYB) reading plan betul-betul this year. From Genesis to Revelation!

Last year, my dad kick-started this plan of reading the entire Bible in a year in our church. A faithful crowd of about 10 joined in and emailed, discussed, delved into every portion of God's word. As his daughter, I tried to follow...but there were stretches where laziness and forgetfulness got the better hand and I stopped reading. This year, I'm going to try again.

Relationships are important to me and I chose this resolution to improve my Relationship of relationships - the one with my Father in heaven. I seek to encounter God this year and make Him even more real in my life,  even as He has reached out to me through people, through words that were given to me, and through life's experiences. This is just a small thing that I can do, to be willful and disciplined into putting effort into knowing Him. :)

Practical stuff: I'm going to journal my readings in 750words or in written journals (on days there is no Internet connection) and reflect on them weekly to my mentor(s) and friends when applicable. And contribute to the NCA OYB email group as well from time to time (if there is insight to share).

pic taken by Hartwig HKD

Resolution #2 for 2013: become more involved in people's lives and think about them more often rather than focusing on myself.

First practical move: I'm not going to advertise my blog posts on Facebook anymore after today's post, unless it involves subjects of public interest (such as study notes or current issues). I'll just tell friends that the blog is updated and they can read it whenever they are free :)

Anyway. I use too much ''I'' in conversations, in my thoughts, and in relating to others (i.e what can others do for me?). This year, even though it's hard, I'm going to slowly include other people in my thoughts as well, not thoughts about how to please them but about how to reach out to them, make them feel better, and enhance the relationship between us. I want to reach a level where others are on my mind more often than myself and all my needs. It's very hard to do, given the human nature of being selfish, but I want to do it because I know that life comes from giving to others.

My own needs? I will honestly acknowledge them but try to get over them as soon as possible. As for worries and thoughts about the future, I will commit them to God whenever they pop up. This resolution is a very big step ahead, but the rewards of loving are great, and I want my life to count for something and matter in the long run.

Practical stuff: In addition to reading the Bible, I will pray about my needs and known needs of others. And then during the day, when I relate to the people around me, as unnatural as it feels now I will try to ask questions about them more than talk about myself so that I can know what is going on in other people's lives. In the beginning stages I might not ask much because I know not much, so I'm not going to feign interest, but let it develop as time passes by.

Diving pic by Hani Amir; mike pic by Darwin Bell; bike pic by Kivanc Nis;
bass pic by Chang Liu and car pic by Zitona.
Pictures not altered in any way in the compilation of this collage.

Resolution #3 for 2013: learn swimming, cycling, playing the bass guitar and (maybe) singing, and be able to drive confidently.

These activities are either skills that I have yet to master or things that I have gave up halfway. While I am still in my prime and in a place where opportunity abounds, I wish to improve my skills on these and become a more well-rounded person. But in the past year I've been quite passive in developing these skills. Which means that I need to ask around a lot to find people who can teach me stuff.

Practical stuff: Ask around a lot until I find tutors for these. Driving - find a refresher class in Penang for my 2nd semester here.

pic by Thomas Hawk

Resolution #4 for 2013: take a picture a day and journal about it.

The whole point of this resolution can be summarized in a word: Memories.

Memories to keep, to cherish, to hold. If a moment isn't captured, it's going to be forgotten. Life is short, so it needs to be lived well. And by looking back at each day, I am reminded, refreshed, and energized for the next day.

Practical stuff: Joined the 365 project. My pics are going to be updated on the blog - check out the 365/2013 page link at the left hand side of the blog - and occasionally on Twitter as well :)

I've added a 5th recently, it speaks for itself:

Before this, I'd avoid guys. Because I didn't know how to talk to them. If a guy was nicer than usual to me, especially in my teen years, I'd develop crushes easily. Now, I desire mature friendships. As for the whole dating/boyfriend/future husband thing...that'll be another post all together.