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This week just wasn't a good week for me.
I thought long and hard about what to blog about while maintaining the generally optimistic stance practiced in this blog, but I just really can't do it. I have to be candid and admit that there were moments this week where I just think that I'm a failure.
Of course, not everything was bad, only certain things. But there is a weird power about negative things to negate whatever positive experiences that happened around the same time (hence the name negate-ive?).
Well since it is a policy of this blog not to put down anybody in real life, I shall not mention everything candidly. However, what I can say is from my own point of view, that is two things that I experienced this week.
Firstly, I experienced rejection. I always thought that all rejection had a reason that can be fixed, i.e either one party must be right and the other wrong, and whenever people rejected me I always try to find the blame in myself first and apologize for that, while admittedly killing a lot of ego in the process, to fix it. Generally I hate problems; I want them to go away as soon as they come, but life isn't like that sometimes, and I can't control how people feel, or whether they like me or hate me. I had to learn the hard way. Why is it that whenever sparks are alighted, I find myself kowtowing and apologizing most of the time - while not always being the party at fault? Do I always have to please the other party?
I now have to come to terms with the fact that for valid reasons or not, there's bound to be a few people out there that just don't like me. Enough said. I give up trying to please these folks already, you know - whatever they want to think about me, let'em, just focus on doing the right thing. So haters, thank you for maturing me, even though I don't like the way you do it, sometimes we have to learn our lessons.
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Then, I also was criticized, more than once. This should be natural, right? Well, if you know me you ought to know that I struggle with taking criticism well, especially 'huge' criticism. Either I lash back or keep my distance from the critic, thinking that that person will definitely reject me. (BTW, this isn't related to the stuff that happened in point 1 above, they were separate incidents). However, this time I know that I am at fault - I let my feelings influence my work and didn't set my priorities right, and as a result they are undone, and I got sounded more than once for this lack of discipline in various areas this week. I know they are right but I have to admit that I really hate how it feels to be put under the scrutiny of critics.
However, like they said, I do have a serious lack of discipline in doing stuff, and I need to do what has to be done even though I don't feel like it - and I can't forever get away with being behind on tasks just because I can do them well (when I actually do them), i.e talent. So critics, thank you for waking me up.
Listening to music, sleeping it over, engaging in time-wasters, and procrastinating cannot help me run away from the stresses of life forever . A girl's gotta do what she's gotta do.
