pic by SamikRC
How's life in USM, you ask? To be frank, most of the time I feel like this:
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me
'til then I walk alone
- Green Day, Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Okay, maybe not that emo as the rest of the song suggests, but I literally most of the time go places alone, because everyone has different schedules and things to do (which I'm trying to get used to). but I admit I feel lonely even in the midst of lots of people. It's not that I have no new friends or acquaintances - met many people during orientation week & have friends to hang out with, inviting me to events and places, but everything is still unfamiliar. As nice as Penang gets, my heart is basically still in Puchong & Sri Petaling.
I lost my bearings for a bit - 2 weeks of routine overhaul is a lot of stimuli for me to adjust to and the fact that I'm somewhat introverted - a trait I'm still struggling to accept - makes me rummage through all the activities and times to redefine myself.
A change of spoken language daily - one of my senior friends mentioned that my spoken English now has a Chinese slang, thanks to speaking Mandarin 90% of the time I'm here (I'm not implying it's bad - in fact I need the practice before I forget the language back in Puchong) while at home it was 90% English. I lost count of how many times I told some new friend that I speak Mandarin (to make them feel more comfortable when talking to me) which usually catches people by surprise, haha. Made friends from other races as well in the Pimpin Siswa camp but still need to make more as to balance my friend base :D And what about my Indian side? It needs some serious stimulation. I want to be a Chindian, not just a Chinese - to be true to my roots. (Maybe I should take up Tamil?)
Two weeks of no church and I slightly waver in my faith stand - I used to be super involved with er, almost everything at church back home and knowing almost everyone from the kiddies to the senior citizens in church (20 years there), and now I'm a visitor to new churches and even singing familiar songs weird - it's just too new an experience here. The seniors are very nice though and pretty much trying their best to make us (the first years) welcome here (Thanks!) I find myself contemplating the internal questions Do you need familiarity, hype, and people to worship God? Can't you be yourself? countless times.
Studies? With assignments already given during the first week, I wonder how to cope. I used to be a last minute adrenaline rush study type but I don't think that will work well here. Already changed subjects 3 times because some subjects not offered yet la, can't take la... bureaucracy makes me pening kepala sometimes haha. And the textbooks are even thicker than the form 6 ones, they're mostly in English but most exams are in Malay (looks like I have to take a translation course too lol) and lastly finances - need to keep track. Period. Money is limited to allowance again, unlike the past few months where I had the harvest of working part time with excess.
Well, I'm learning to cope with this new life and I hope to settle better soon :) Pics and more actual experiences in the next post...
