Thursday, December 22, 2011

Seems Like...Everyone's Working!

picture by Stephan Geyer

The minute I got home after STPM, I came home and..

Pop! Pop! Not firecrackers but some friends started chatting with me after we've fasted from Facebook for a month (seemed like ages though). First thing they asked was "what you going to do after this?"

Honestly, I have no idea at all.

The only things I know for sure after exam was getting my hair done, going for youth camp (great and chilly time there btw, it was the misty Fraser's Hill!) and Christmas. Precisely after that, I have no idea.

So I poked my nose into other's business - not something I always do but hey, exams are over! - and there's only one conclusion that I found out: Almost everyone's going to work. Some have already started the day after exams while some are going to start next year.

For every school leaver it seems like working is the most viable next option, unless your parents are the kind that enroll you in the next college in January.

I wonder what's so fun about working besides the money, sometimes. There are people who say that their bosses are mean, their colleagues gossip and the customers are fussy. Some people even say that they have been harassed at work (being female does make me more liable...oh no!). When hearing these tales I don't really look forward to working.

And then there's those who say the exact opposite: The boss is friendly and treats them out for tea, they've made tons of new buddies (who were mostly also school leavers!), and they got good pay along with valuable experiences. When I hear that I think "Hey, that ain't so bad'.

These tales were the experiences of others - it is not experienced first hand. I'd never really know what work life is like until I actually start working.

My mom and dad do encourage me to work all right - a taste of the real world, they say, and the most productive way to spend 8 months with no serious commitments coming up.

What about that piano teaching thing on the weekends? It did give me experiences with certain areas that are work related such as commitments, customers, and relating to my boss aka my piano teacher, but still it's not yet 'the wide, wide world out there' that is really going to test my patience (which I tend to have a serious lack of).

Some people have said "lucky you - you didn't have to really work all this while". But that's why I'm afraid - of the unknown. How do you expect a "blurry-eyed and fresh out of school" kid to suddenly act all adult-like and professional? I really wonder...out loud. I escaped after SPM through driving lessons but there's no escaping this time 'round.

Then there's this thing that I learned at youth camp. Surprisingly (not to brag) whenever I go to camps I expect to learn from what someone else says (which I have and everyone has) but the statement that struck me so profoundly was a Bible verse that due to the drama that I did with the girls in camp, came out of my own mouth:

"..."My [God's] grace is sufficient for you, for my [God's] power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I [this was Paul] will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9, context brackets added)

Boasting about how afraid I am to work doesn't make sense to me on the surface - won't that make people take advantage of me? However, I want to hold on to God's promise that His power will work through my weaknesses so that I can do my best at work.

Ah, that beings me to the next question: Work as what? I'd prefer a clerical job in a legal firm to see first hand what working in the legal field is all about, and if it suits me, but the job I'd actually end up in depends on the opportunities that present themselves (and a lot of asking around.)

Until then, I'll ask...and wait...hope, and pray.

Merry 3-days-until Christmas! :)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Au revoir, STPM!

Before anything else, I've got a confession to make. I kinda forgot the specific way that I used to blog stuff before the exam, so I'll just type my heart out today :)


picture taken from Meredith's in Brasilia (blog)

December 13th, 2011.
3:59:59pm.
It was the last ever moment of school life for myself and some 30 plus schoolmates that had endured one and a half years of sweet and sour together for the past one and a half year (plus minus).

After that, we were emancipated. Faster than I can turn my head, actually; almost everybody left school within 5 minutes of passing up the last paper with quick hand waves. They disappeared so fast...and I actually had a good chat with the security guard before leaving school.

So long, school. So long, school uniform - in the cupboard you go, for sale at a future date. Same goes for the textbooks in the bookshelf. The workbooks and notes are going back to school next month to be used by my juniors (if they want to that is, and whatever salvageable). As for the black shoes...my sister's still in school.

How were the remaining 4 papers, you ask? Here's the breakdown:

Makro: Somewhat manageable for me, but Mikro was easier for me. From personal experience, STPM economy students can be classed into those who fare better in Mikro (all the details and graphs) or Makro (seeing the big picture and concepts that influence country and international economy). As a detail freak, I fall in the former category. I like Makro too though :)

PP2: There was that 'belanjawan tunai' question...I didn't read it but I did remember doing it with my teammate last year in our actual business plan (mulling over all those numbers did take a considerable amount of days) so I can do it...only later found out that I 'salah istilah'. Right concept, different words - whether it gets any marks depends on what says the examiner. Overall it was doable.

Sejarah 2: Was hard. Normally the other paper (Sejarah 1) is considered the harder paper because of its stricter marking scheme and wider syllabus but this time there's only one question that I remembered the scheme answers due to a presentation last year...the rest I 'vomited' out whatever facts I knew. I really don't know what to expect from this paper.

PA1: Did I redeem myself for the suckish PA2 paper? In a sense, this paper was easier than I expected. Still, there were tricky questions in the first few pages...Have to keep my fingers crossed for this one.


picture by Bob Cotter

Next question. How to spend the next few months of freedom? Here's what I will/might do:
  • Learn/refresh driving. My word on driving myself to collect the STPM results in February 2012 still stands.
  • Go shopping (when needed and by taking advantage of year end sales)
  • Find a part time job -I actually am scared at the idea; I've heard the tales (more on that in a later post) of working. Oh well, life's full of new experiences right?
  • Volunteer - for any group/ministry/project that needs help. Worth the experience, too.
  • Do (a lot of) research on legal studies - read law books (my dad go and download quite a few on our Kindle, so I do owe myself reading time)
  • Research and write short stories and articles (this is besides Remag - I've always wanted to do that. One step closer to the dream of writing and publishing a fiction book (more if possible) in my lifetime, heehee)
  • Join the youth/YA groups of other churches. I'm not planning to change churches or whatever, and I still can help the youth group in my home church but if possible at a different time, I want to learn about fellowship and God in an unfamiliar setting to avoid being complacent and lazy in matters of faith and following God (which does describe me now...sigh), and also to get to know more people in the same age/slightly elder age group, which is really few in my church now.
  • Travel whenever there's the time and money for it...even if it's nearby :)
  • Assist my sister in SPM (whatever I can remember that is)
  • Skills courses (e.g public speaking, business skills, perhaps even self-taught typing. Not to mention drum and guitar, and taking my piano classes seriously ARGH!)
  • Sports! For getting fit and getting out of phobias such as fear of water. I so wanna swim argh! No nearby pool though so it's inconvenient for the time being.
Well that's all I can think of now...in the next 9 months let's see how this goes...




Friday, November 25, 2011

In the midst of STPM

photo by Johan Le Bail

 Today I'm gonna share some short personal thoughts on passing the STPM 1/2 way mark, and a little on life so far.

I admit that STPM has changed my schedule for the past few weeks for both good and bad.

The good: I don't spend hours online or take over-long naps, substituting both to hit the books. I've also learned on relying on God to help me persevere in answering tricky exam questions - not giving up no matter how hard the question may be or how stressed (and impossible) I feel at the moment.
The bad: My hormones are probably hyperactive due to the stress levels, causing some rather unpleasant physical hormonal effects (won't elaborate so much on them here).

As for the exam performance so far, I'm really thankful for the fact that one subject is broken into 2 papers, as the 2nd paper can make up for the first. Going by individual subjects:

PA2: After writing all those individual section tips on this blog, you may have thought that I would score on this paper...but the verdict is that I really, really screwed up on this one. Even though I personally don't believe so much in reading spot questions, I do read them to ease my revision. Only one 'spotted' question came out in the C section! My essays had a lot of facts BUT may have been over the 350-word mark - I didn't have enough time to count them and I wrote a little over 2 sides of a page for both essays. Since one page is roughly 200 words, a little over 2 pages can mean a little over 400 words! I redid section E half- way through after spotting a tricky question requirement that I didn't pay attention to initially, which ate into the time I needed to do section D. I only managed to finish the chart (12 marks gone at least). I didn't have time to do the pie chart - and the worst thing is that I actually knew how to do it. Before the exam I spent time learning how to draw that exact type of pie chart complete with measurements and other requirements...sigh.

PP1: I'm grateful that none of the questions were too overwhelmingly difficult, and I answered all questions required (2 compulsary and 2 optional). There were some sections in the questions that I forgot the exact 'scheme' answers and toed with logic, though.

Sejarah 1: Many 'spotted' questions came out, leaving many of my friends jumping for joy. However, I didn't specialize reading in the spot questions like them (just skimmed) so there was 1 question each in Tamadun Dunia and Tamadun Islam where I didn't remember the 'scheme' answers. I did make sure that my facts were correct, though, so after the exam I was relieved to find out that my answers in the exam for the Tamadun Islam question were similar to the scheme's (hopefully I'm right). I'm not sure about the Tamadun Dunia question though.

Mikro: Another subject where I made many posts on this blog, this paper came in the hot afternoon on the same day after the Sejarah paper. The objective part was easy - there were only 2 questions where I was unsure of the answer. The essays were a little tricky though, and I know I've made a mistake in one of my long essays (a 5-mark penalty). The quantitative part was calculate-able (though my graph isn't exactly the neatest - limited space pushed the numbers for the x-axis out of the graph paper!)

Well, all hope is not yet secured (and lost) as there's still another half paper to go per subject. Especially for PA1, where I know I have to score an almost perfect score (at least 45/60 marks, to be safe more than 50 - I've yet to score that high in PA1 ever!) if I want to ace that paper. Well, I'll do my best and turn my worries over to the Lord :)

As for life so far, I have to admit that I'm immature to handle reading quite a number of posts on FB, blogs, and other media that talk about sensitive issues as well as people criticing others harshly. I won't go ahead and make myself all upset reading them for now. In the meantime, I just want to learn things (thus admitting that I'm weak which is hard but I need to do it). I've been approached by a potential mentor and if I meet her again anytime soon I'm going to say yes (I hope her offer still holds!).

Friday, November 4, 2011

Notice: Off for STPM studies...

Sticky (Nov 5,2011 - Dec 13, 2011):

photo by Renato Ganoza

As STPM is only around two weeks away, I'm taking a hiatus/break from blogging during the period mentioned above. No more study posts, you ask? Yup, for this time being I need to hit the books and finalize notes the old-fashioned way - and seriously studying for the sake of a better future. Blogging will resume after the exam (including the unfinished study posts on Mikro, Makro, MUET and PA1- before I start selling off my form six textbooks!) . You are welcome to browse previous posts anytime - use the labels! 

By the way - All the best to all SPM and STPM-ers, strive for your best :)

- Deb

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Life as an Asian Kid: “They” Are Always Better


Part of the Life as An Asian Kid series. Part 1 here.
In part 1 I discussed how Asian parents have pretty high hopes on their kids. Today, I’ll be talking on another Asian Kid experience: feeling that other kids are always better.

(My examples are 100% Malaysian (perhaps Singaporean too) though - so if the kid came from other parts of Asia the examples may be different.


“My parents heap praises on other people’s kids but pick my flaws even after I’ve done a good job.”
Generally, many Asian parents seem to have no qualms talking about their kids to everyone - the good, bad and the ugly, but that depends on the kind of parents you have. There are those who gladly boast about their son's straight A pluses into the noses of all the neighbors, friends and relatives, but then there are also those (I suspect more of, actually) who go the other way round and preach about the straight A pluses and near-perfect recitals of their nephews and nieces, the neighbours' kids, or "that good-looking kid in class" to their own kids. Then, these same folks, in the presence of company (even in front of the kids themselves, often for some) tend to "put down" their own kids, especially when someone asks about them - "Aiya, she's not so smart one lah, she can be very lazy and irresponsible wan lah" and the other parent replies, "No lah, at least your girl got A's in her exams, my son struggle to get passes in all subjects, I wonder how is he even going to secure his future" - and the conversation goes on and on, bopping back and forth, as if the parents were having a "who can put down their kid more" contest or something - it even happens with complete strangers who both happen to be parents.

The rationale is probably to humble the kids - a very cherished value among Asians if you ask me - so that they don't get all puffed up about how great they are. For the parents, they also most likely want to look humble among their peers (weird that I use this word that people usually use to describe teenagers, huh?) by "denying" any praise heaped upon their kids by the other parents/people. It's a funny thing actually - other people, some whom the kids barely know, are praising them; their parents, who are the closest people possible to a kid, are "elaborating" about the kid's weaker areas of growth? I'll explore this further in the "I think that..." section.

From my experience, conversations with certain adults, especially if I know the kids (i.e I'm their teacher/big sister figure/family friend) can quickly turn into "my kid is like this and like this". I'm not saying that it's wrong in its entirety (more on that below) but it's just a norm in society. And I can't really point fingers at others - I do that too at times, especially since I work with rather young kids and running after them and keeping order can be honestly tiring at times (see, I just demonstrated some form of talking about kids like that. Got me?)

I think that it's not just a parents and kids thing actually - the real deal isn't even only unique to Asians (that would be...stereotyping!), it's human nature that we tend to critic more easily than praise in any given situation. It's that easy to find flaws in people/things if we searched for it - people in the world bash each other with all sorts of obscene language and with no mercy, all around us, even if they are strangers. Our own family knows us the best - and they know our warts, in and out, better than anyone else, so they know us well enough to talk about it. The rationale is actually one that I agree with - if you heap praise on kids they may get all puffed up - but the bigger issue is, most of those others who praise the kids are doing so on the surface - the achievements that can be seen. Do they know the inner struggles that kids go through, that most caring parents know about and would give anything to see improvement? Sure, there may be mentors who the kids trust and longingly want to see improvement too, but most (I mean it, most) external praise based on surface knowledge of the kid. Criticism from the parents, as harsh as it may come, is genuine when based on motives to see the kid improve (I myself am still learning this fact).


However, I also think that parents should offer praise and encouragement to kids when they deserve it, especially if, as the parent, they know how hard the kid has worked to achieve something worthwhile. If the child had practiced for hours on a piano piece to improve her skills and gets 3 marks short of distinction when tested in the real exam, that is her very best - congratulate her for that! Praise from parents, when received at proper times, is genuine, real and refreshing. Personally, if I worked hard in something and my parents see it, recognize it and reward/comment about it or not criticize it [they do reward me, by the way - I'm not implying that they never do!] On the contrary, external critics - the kinds that kids encounter outside home - may not have your best interests at heart, and they can be harsh, unmerciful, and just want to give you a piece of their mind. Chilly, ain't it?


Part 3 of the series will leave the theme of parents...and venture into education. Stay tuned :)
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Image sources: (1), (2), (3)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Life as an Asian Kid: Sky-High Expectations

Part of the Life as An Asian Kid series. (More coming out next week!)

Teaching and working with kids as well as light chats with peers have recently got me thinking about life as an Asian kid. (Also partially inspired by reviews on the Amy Chua book, if you know what I'm talking about.)

This series is actually a short list of what I see kids face in Malaysia based on experience, as well as my opinion on them. When I did the research, I realized these characteristics are pretty common in Asian families. Today's (rant): high expectations.


“My parents have high expectations of me.”

Generally, Asian kids are expected to be all-stars since young. Besides spending a fortune on tutors to improve school grades (no wonder everyone knows everyone from tuition!), kids’ after-school hours and weekends are packed with activities and classes of various kinds, such as ballet, arithmetic, accelerated math, self-defence, art, swimming, chess, gymnastics, religious classes, and others. See any family at a mamak stall Saturday morning and you’ll see many of the kids inevitably carrying bags with aprons, art block and colours, sports equipment, or music books (or all four!)

The rationale is to produce balanced kids that excel in everything (hopefully, that is). Then, the kid can go anywhere in the future, earn big bucks and live a comfortable life.

From my experience as a part-time piano teacher, I witness this first-hand. The studio where I work is increasing in student population every month. I see every now and then the hopeful parent bringing her kids, aged 5 and 7, to class to try out the piano, then the 5 year-old is told to wait another year (her hands are much too small) so mom decides to start her the moment she turns 6. Most of my students are primary school students who rush from one type of class to another, so I don’t blame them for being restless at times. Homework still has to be done, though.

I think that parents should pick and choose classes for the kids and not enrol them in everything. Yes, parents can expose them to many stuff in the beginning, but long-term commitment should be only to classes where the kid has a natural inclination (note: which the kid likes to do/is good at despite seasons of laziness), focusing on it alone and helping them get good at it as they grow up, which is better than a ‘jack of all trades, master of none’ kid.

Even though kids may be lazy at it (I wanted to quit piano many, many times because of laziness, and sometimes I still do) but the discipline involved with it as well as inclination (music is somewhat in my blood from mom’s side of the family, but I don’t know my full potential yet. LOL!), kids can go places with their talents if they are willing to put in effort.

Hopefully, everyone can then sit and enjoy the stellar performance of a kid who loves what he/she's doing and is ever grateful to his/her parents for pushing him/her further. And the other extreme - if he/she drops out, it is their own choice (and their own loss, if you choose to think that way) instead of grouchy quitting because some perfectionist parent wanted to push them over the edge.


Oh yeah, and do pick quality classes with teachers who can understand the kids and brush up their talents – but I’ll leave that to the folks, they’re wiser in that area :)

Real life example: Now, about that vocal training that I was discussing with the folks some days back…my dad is actually willing to let me go (if I decide on going) provided I finish it, because he thinks it’s good to train up my confidence , because singing in front of crowd = GULP! even though I do like singing better than my rather nasal voice right now instead of just in my head (why I suggested it). It’s a fantasy of sorts actually, so let’s see how that goes.

In the next post in this series, I'll be talking on how some Asian parents shower praise on other people's kids but are stingy offering them to their own kids. Stay tuned :)

Images taken from here and here.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Fun: The Stages of Taking an Exam

 

A little (fun) insight from me on what happens before, during, and after any given exam paper on exam days, 100% based on personal observation.

  • Before the exam:



    Basically a lot of last-minute cramming/review (whatever you call it) and a little chatter.The moment you step into the school yard, you will see people with books in their hands. Some just bring pages of self-made notes and speed-read through them, while others flip rapidly through the thick textbook hoping to refresh the brain with some hard facts.

    However I have this aching feeling that I long for doing before an exam, that is to calmly go through major/hard facts as a whole and relax the last 10 minutes or so before an exam, praying silently. I'm going to do that for STPM (hopefully) to reduce my stress level.

  • During the exam:



    During the first hour or so, basically you can hear pencils and pens moving about on table surfaces, and the occasional cough or gust of wind that makes someone's papers fly all over the place.

    Towards the second hour or the 2 1/2 hour mark the scenario tends to be more relaxed. Depending on the paper, some people are finished and flipping over the pages to check their answers. There may (normally will) be a few people headed towards the toilet...to reduce stress perhaps?

    Of course some folks immediately can be seen with their heads flopped down on the table after finishing...(you know what I mean)

    From about 10 minutes to the minute the teacher says "Put your pens down", there's a feeling of anticipation in the air. Most people are done by now and can't wait for the exam to be over, some are still checking their answers and/or mulling over difficult questions, and there is whispering all about (I don't mean cheating here, just chatting)

    And then there are also some folks who are writing frivolously all the way until the last available second.
  • After the exam:



    First a surge of relief comes over you - it's over! But until the very last day of the exam, this surge is quickly overcome with focusing on what's coming next.

    Then there's also the comparing your answers and asking around sessions for the recently over paper, which even though satisfies the "want to know" instinct but also leaves some disappointed over getting some of the answers all wrong (happens to me all the time)

    On the very last day of the exam, almost nobody worries about what's correct for the last paper much (until results are out...) because come on, it's over!

    As for the last day of STPM, well I think it'll be bittersweet because it's the very last day of high school in my life (no more school after this, at least after form 5 there is still form 6 but now...) and you won't see your friends much after that, but it's also sweet because it's the last I'll see of cram everything-into-one sort of public exams (uni exams are another story) and also a step into a new stage of life all together.
PS: Honestly my study notes are all in my head and cramming them all into the computer takes up a huge chunk of my time, so I'll keep them in my head for the time being and post study notes on specific subjects (like my Pengajian Am posts previously) after the exams end next Monday (I can post the trial questions here and corrections too after that).

Image sources: (1), (2), (3), (4)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

7 (Little) Study Tips

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Today I'm going to share some study tips here. I'm not an expert but these tips, when used, have helped me so far. I hope they can be of help to you! :)

In no particular order:

  • Get the lesson when it's taught.
    When learning something for the very first time, I make it a point to "get it". If there are things that confuse you, or if you didn't come the day a particular topic is being taught, do ask the teacher or more knowledgeable friends for additional explanations and demonstrations - until you get it.

    Even if the process of getting it may take a while, the rewards are reaped when you look at the topic and say 'Aha! I understand this concept, and I don't need to look at the textbook multiple times!'

  • Use mind-mapping to remember conceptual knowledge.
    I suggest you do this for subjects that require thorough understanding of concepts such as business studies and economics. Breaking a topic into subtopics and sub-sub topics helps me see the whole picture and get into details at the same time, depending on the question being asked.

    I just use main keywords for mind-maps and tackle the detailed stuff later - if a mind map is too cluttered with information I find it rather stressful to read.

  • Link ideas for subjective questions and essays, especially ideas that require memorization.
    This suggestion helps me to see the connection between ideas that helps in remembering related points. This method especially worked for me while studying history, where I remember the main points mind-map style and also try to link them.

    Linking can be following time (chronological, i.e point A led to point B) or related points that happen at the same time/have the same importance (besides A, B also contributed...)

  • Practice questions very often.
    This applies especially for:
    - quantitative questions involving mathematics or scientific terms in any way
    - hands-on knowledge, such as practicals and outside school i.e cooking, playing music
    because practicing reinforces what is learned into 'doing' the thing right rather than relying on memory alone. After a certain number of practices, the skill is drilled into the brain.

    Practicing other forms of knowledge besides the two types above also helps you to familiarize yourself with the topic being learned and understand it better.

  • Study in time chunks suitable for you.
    My usual study chunk is about 30 minutes to a maximum of one hour - after that I get restless and start fiddling around. Point is, study as long as your concentration span allows you to but not beyond that. Can you seriously study for hours non-stop without heavy eyes and yawns? After studying, do something else first that is unrelated to studying to get your mind off and rest.

    Get back to study later - but do get back. From personal experience, if I rested for too long I would inevitably start to procrastinate!

  • Create a conducive study environment suitable for you.
    Many people say quiet reading in the library is the best way, but it does depend on your learning style. Personally I prefer discussing or teaching whatever I study with other people because that's how I learn best (I'm a mainly auditory learner, and I love it when we quiz each other as the challenge keeps me going). So study in a way that is most conducive for you. If you need to be in school/home/the park/the beach to study, do it.

    What if your ideal environment isn't available? Then try to make the best out of your current surroundings, for example going to a quiet corner, listening to some tunes, etc.

  • Staying up all night, skipping meals and other things you won't normally do off-exam periods - don't bother doing'em.
    These are rather unhealthy habits, and they interfere with your ability to learn. Perhaps by staying up all night you may be able to retain some extra study time, but the fatigue of sacrificing much-needed sleep catches up sooner or later.

    Sleep at a suitable time, eat your meals (especially breakfast but I would suggest a light one so that you don't feel too heavy after that) and stay healthy and alert. It helps, trust me. 
I hope these 7 short tips can help you as much as it has helped me. Until next time...

Image sources: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6), (7), (8)

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Breaking Free

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Note before post: From next week until the end of September I'll be posting study related notes here only. 
I'll still update the daily but the main blog will be on studies so that I don't get distracted. I hope my notes can help. The same goes for the whole length of November and December (until 13/12, last day :D)
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Breaking free is...


(okay, that was a digression :P)

In the simplest language that I can come up with, breaking free = stop worrying about what people think!

I have always been somewhat hesitant of attending social events or talking to certain groups of people where there are familiar folks - no, not new people (that's a different thing all together) but rather some familiar folks who know me for years.

The rationale: With new folks, they don't know your history, your bad habits, the labels people slap on you and you can always put your best front forward and start anew. They didn't need to know about the shameful mistakes you did in the past.

But with some people you know for so many years, the idea that you made some scene in your class 5 years ago is still somewhat fresh in people's mind (if they choose to recall it). Naturally small stuff will be forgotten by most, but what if you were so silly that you betrayed a friend, acted rudely towards a teacher, or simply had a rep that you can't shake off for years? Will those be remembered, even after apologies are offered?

I worry (this is my worries and does not imply that people think that way) that people will always remember me as needy, sensitive, selfish, and a popularity queen wannabe, that I would use tears and leave emo messages to people so that they would pay attention to me, that I am a desperate weirdo that is somewhat smart and talented but unhappy (does talent matter anyway if you can't get along with people?)

Won't it be weird if someone who didn't really talk to you for years and has always kept to herself/himself suddenly becomes friendly? Weird right?

But you know what? I'm going to break free regardless. I'd rather be perceived as weird (and again, this is my rather negative perception instead of reality) or  while rather that keep to myself my entire life, spilling my daily ration of words on my family - their ears are rather tough for bearing with my mouth - and ending up miserable.

My mom was afraid to approach people just like me too when she was younger, but she asked for help from the Lord and today, she can strike up rather tough bargains with salespeople that are either mistaken with higher prices or looking to take a few more RM for profit. That is just one example of my mom's current bravery, she keeps it low profile but I'm proud of my mom :). So I have the best example right home.

The recipe for me now = reduce word rations to my family and expand them to 
  • school friends (okay but still needs work i.e less FB chat and more face to face),
  • church friends (this one really needs work especially among my own peers. I'm a mouse over there. If only they read this blog :P),
  • elders (generally better than above 2 categories but need to ask more questions from outside family e.g teachers) and 
  • strangers, with caution of course (up to date I have yet to strike up conversations with friendly strangers - they always come to me first)
Well, I'll do as my mom did:


Links for images: (1), (2), (3)






Monday, August 22, 2011

Can You Ever Forget Your Birthday?


No, I can't.

(By the way, today (the day I wrote this) is not my birthday. I'm not fishing for wishes here (not that you can't wish me when it's actually my birthday :D)

As a kid, I always did make a fuss about my birthday. Of course, I was a kid and presents, parties and cake were expected somewhat on anyone's birthdays, right?

However, I see a 360 degree turn in some adults. Birthdays are just like any other day in the year; in fact, many hardworking adults forget their own birthdays. Instead, they remember other's birthdays very well, especially younger folks (i.e their kids).

It looks really noble and selfless to forget one's birthday. Is it really so? Well, I don't know.

No matter how hard I try I find it hard to forget when I was born. Here's why.

The main external reason is that other people will somewhat remind me about it, by asking me questions like "when's your birthday" and "what do you want for your birthday". How to forget when other people are asking you about it?

The internal reason, perhaps a stronger motivation for not forgetting birthdays, is because birthdays are generally seen as "your day". It's a day where I will somewhat feel special, like the day belongs to me (even though it's actually just like any other day) and where I somewhat feel entitled to more attention than usual and better treatment than any other day in the year. In a nutshell, I feel celebrated on my birthday. Do you?

Perhaps that's why I get a little annoyed when people close to me forget to wish me - have you forgot to wish someone close to you? Perhaps that's why I also try my level best to wish friends and family so that they don't have to wonder if I remember them, and to show that they are important to me.

But because adults (especially those with families) want to celebrate others, such as spouse, kids, parents (birthdays when elderly, like my grandma's 80th celebration earlier this year, are really meaningful because not many live to old age) and close friends. Therefore, my theory (so-called) is that people are busy celebrating each other that they don't think of celebrating their own selves (which I have this nagging feeling that that should be the way to go)

From another angle, birthdays are thank-full days. On the day I was born I thank God for creating me and giving me purpose in life; thank my parents for bringing me into this world and taking care of me; thank friends and family for being at my side, regardless of whether they wish me (didn't wish doesn't mean forgotten or not important to me. I used to think like that some years back and it made me pretty depressed whenever it was my birthday - what an irony right,when birthdays are supposed to be happy occasions?)

And unlike when I was 7, I've stopped expecting celebrations and hoo-ha over my birthday. If there are any presents or celebrations, I am thankful for them, if there is none, well, it's not the end of the world.

However, I admit that I do get a teeny-bit envious whenever some kids celebrate birthdays in front of other people, especially in school, because I do wish that I was celebrated like that in school at times. But I guess I'm getting over it; in fact when I see people celebrating I look at them for inspiration to surprise my friends (there was once I saw a girl buy sushi platters instead of cake for her celebration...)

In conclusion, I can't forget my birthday - for now at least. And I shouldn't make such a big deal about either remembering it or forgetting it; just enjoy it and be grateful for it. :)

Image taken from here.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Help! I Just Can't Get Over You...Yet.

Admiring from afar...Classical!
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I liked him for so long. And I still do.

A couple months ago I wrote this post about my feelings towards someone that remains and will remain unnamed. Today, my feelings haven't faded away yet.

I can't deny that I still like (infatuation not love, my rational mind tells me) him. I still get nervous and happy at the same time when thinking about, chatting with or talking to him. Seriously, even writing or reading his name gives me butterflies in my heart, let alone seeing a picture of him or looking at him. Ah, those eyes, I fear that they can look through me and read all that I was thinking about him!

But I know it's impossible to be together with him for a couple of strong reasons, with beliefs being the main reason. For me personally dating isn't something where I can simply go out with the first hot or charming guy that sweeps me off my feet; they [dates] can eventually be potential husband material, and for that I need to choose someone who shares my beliefs and not otherwise or else, I probably will break his heart and vice versa due to disagreements over beliefs and principles in the future, and to prevent that from happening I decided not to go steady with anyone outside genuine (not cults!) Christian circles. Yup, call me old-fashioned if you want, but I have made up my mind on this issue. (BTW, I won't discriminate on race though, hopefully when the time comes as I ideally think now.)

Another reason involves my maturity to handle romantic relationships - I will get emotionally attached to my boyfriend and it will affect everything else because I don't know how to balance love and everything else yet unlike many other young adults out there. If I get jilted, can I handle it? At this moment, I doubt it. That's why my folks discourage me from dating now - they know this current weakness of mine. At least not until I can handle all this stuff constructively.

Finally, there's the familiar uncertainty of getting rejected - especially when I know we come from completely different worlds. I don't fully understand why I am drawn to him in the first place! The odds seem to be stacked against me, and I know I'm probably going to be disappointed for, as the saying goes, bertepuk sebelah tangan.  I can't tell what he thinks about me at all. And even if the 0.1 percent of probability that he does like me is true, I would have to reject him for the other two reasons above.

Sometimes, I play to myself certain songs that remind me of him...I'm not that thin though.
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I do wonder why I feel this way towards someone that I cannot have. In fact, the fact that it's kinda forbidden and unreachable makes me think of him more. I try not to blame circumstances or fate; I know that I'm probably blinded by "love" right now. I secretly imagine what it is like to have him like me, but that in real life would do me more harm than good.

Perhaps someday he will be gone from my life and the old adage "out of sight, out of mind" will work, allowing me to move on. However, how do I handle the feelings that I have towards him now, as it is still there? Avoid communication with him all I want and I still can't get him off my mind, still. Is this "feelings" something that I need to learn to live with for now and in the future? I guess so.

The best way is to be friends - good friends - and don't be carried away by thoughts of him to my own detriment. But to forget all past lovey-dovey thoughts about him? I really don't know if that is feasible yet, but what I can do is thank God for this remnant of teenage life (and as my age creeps towards the end of teenage-hood - turning 20 next year here!) that is actually kinda exciting and a once-in-a- lifetime stage, a lesson in life.

Images taken from here and here.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Being Different: A Chindian's Tale


I feel...like red in the sea of different colours.
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How do you view being different? We are not always with those of our own kind; there are times where one would feel like a duck among swans.

As for me, I am different. I have always been so, all my life.

Ever since I was born, I realized that I was different from the people around me - starting with my own parents (what a way to start isn't it?) I knew I wasn't as fair as my dad, or a dark beauty like my mom (It took me a while to use this word. I'll explain why later.) Being a firstborn, there was no one like me yet in our little family. Yet that fact didn't bother me then; my parents loved me nevertheless.

I'd always admired them for their differences, especially my dad - who chose to love and marry someone of a darker skin color, which to me is just purely counter-cultural and amazing . Most people I have met who are mixed-race have Mom as the fairer one among their parents, and my dad was just...Wow, only God could have put them together.

Growing up in various environments, there were quite a number of people I meet that couldn't care less about color. My next-door neighbors in my childhood home, meaningful friends that I have met all my life and left footprints, caring folks from our church, and some other kind souls out there accepted me as I am - being human, perhaps not totally, but accepting nevertheless. When I am with them, the thought that I am different doesn't cross my mind at all. I am happy that I know many folks like that in my life right now, and I thank God for them in my life.

However, I feel my difference acutely when being among certain crowds, as I am treated differently on first impression simply based on the color of my skin. There have been some people, mostly strangers but also some people I knew who started off being slightly rude to me due to assumptions that I was of a certain ethnicity, then upon knowing my real ethnicity, apologized and immediately treated me better, and also vice versa (being not treated politely after people find out that I am not of a certain ethnicity). Even until now, some people (especially kids) still call me rather annoying racist names, and even though I'm used to it it's still annoys me at times.

The first question most people (by most people, I mean like over 90 percent of people I meet) inevitably ask me upon meeting me for the first time is "What race are you?" Well, I don't blame them; I'm obviously different. Just how many Chindians do you know? I'm aware that there are more mixed Malaysians now than 30 years ago, but basically I'm still a weird species. I've been guessed as Indian, Malay, Malay-Siamese, Thai, Nyonya and Punjabi before. There was this one person who guessed so close,calling me 3/4 Chinese and 1/4 Indian. (So close.) The correct answer (my sister did the actual research on this one), is:


43.75% Hainan + 25% Malayalee + 25% Vellalar + 6.25% Nyonya = 50% Chinese + 50% Indian

(plus a little bit of Malay from the Nyonya side). Very 1Malaysia indeed :)


As a result of my difference, I discriminated, too. In primary school for instance, I begged my mom not to come for Report Card day and asked Dad to come instead, simply because at that time I was in a Chinese primary school and wanted to be more Chinese-like to feel accepted by my peers. My mom to me was an embarassment! Today I think, how on earth did I have the guts to discriminate against my own mother, and I have since apologized to her for that childish behavior of mine then, when I have yet to learn to accept and embrace this difference that is always a part of me.

One of the things that defined me is that although a Chindian, I have always been more Chinese than Indian - I have a proper Chinese name, and I can speak Mandarin but not Tamil (I can only understand a bit of it  even until now), largely due to the environment and education that I received at a younger age.

Sometimes, I feel like I don't have my own community to fall back into; I have nobody championing for my rights unlike all the major races in Malaysia. But thanks to my mixed-ness, I believe that I am given a different point of view - that of being able to understand and appreciate diversity, as well as feeling like one true-blue Malaysian, has been always there. I cannot say that I have never discriminated before, as I have done so out of my own selfishness as well as a imperfect backlash to those who also discriminated towards me; however, I'd rather not discriminate, and I'm glad that I'm a Chindian, nevertheless.

Image taken from here.

BTW, today's post was inspired by this story about colour in Malaysia that I came across. (Do read the post in the link, it's inspiring in a way :) I suspect that the post's author was also born in 1992 like me (leap year FTW!), but well, you can read further in the link above)

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Rejection And Criticism

Rejection sucks, ya' know? But it's a part of life.
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This week just wasn't a good week for me.

I thought long and hard about what to blog about while maintaining the generally optimistic stance practiced in this blog, but I just really can't do it. I have to be candid and admit that there were moments this week where I just think that I'm a failure.

Of course, not everything was bad, only certain things. But there is a weird power about negative things to negate whatever positive experiences that happened around the same time (hence the name negate-ive?).

Well since it is a policy of this blog not to put down anybody in real life, I shall not mention everything candidly. However, what I can say is from my own point of view, that is two things that I experienced this week.

Firstly, I experienced rejection. I always thought that all rejection had a reason that can be fixed, i.e either one party must be right and the other wrong, and whenever people rejected me I always try to find the blame in myself first and apologize for that, while admittedly killing a lot of ego in the process, to fix it. Generally I hate problems; I want them to go away as soon as they come, but life isn't like that sometimes, and I can't control how people feel, or whether they like me or hate me. I had to learn the hard way. Why is it that whenever sparks are alighted, I find myself kowtowing and apologizing most of the time - while not always being the party at fault? Do I always have to please the other party?

I now have to come to terms with the fact that for valid reasons or not, there's bound to be a few people out there that just don't like me. Enough said. I give up trying to please these folks already, you know - whatever they want to think about me, let'em, just focus on doing the right thing. So haters, thank you for maturing me, even though I don't like the way you do it, sometimes we have to learn our lessons.

Ah, criticism - just feels like everyone's pointing at you.
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Then, I also was criticized, more than once. This should be natural, right? Well, if you know me you ought to know that I struggle with taking criticism well, especially 'huge' criticism. Either I lash back or keep my distance from the critic, thinking that that person will definitely reject me. (BTW, this isn't related to the stuff that happened in point 1 above, they were separate incidents). However, this time I know that I am at fault - I let my feelings influence my work and didn't set my priorities right, and as a result they are undone, and I got sounded more than once for this lack of discipline in various areas this week. I know they are right but I have to admit that I really hate how it feels to be put under the scrutiny of critics.

However, like they said, I do have a serious lack of discipline in doing stuff, and I need to do what has to be done even though I don't feel like it - and I can't forever get away with being behind on tasks just because I can do them well (when I actually do them), i.e talent. So critics, thank you for waking me up.

Listening to music, sleeping it over, engaging in time-wasters, and procrastinating cannot help me run away from the stresses of life forever . A girl's gotta do what she's gotta do.

Images taken from here and here.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Form 6 So Far

Reflecting on the past, present and future...
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Mid-July is approaching, and sixers all over Malaysia have around three months or so left to prepare for 'the' exam - STPM. And as this time is approaching, different students have different reactions towards studies and form 6 life in general.

Well, there was a sharing session in class today.

There were some who felt happy that they have improved in time on certain or all subjects, and were optimistic for further improvements.

There were others who candidly admitted that they took it easy and slacked in their studies until recently. However, these others also expressed earnest desire to buck up and improve from now on.

There were some whose daily lives are tied up with many commitments, in school, at home or elsewhere. Even with less time in their hands compared to others, I salute them for having the drive to do their very best.

STPM is no walk in the park. However, wow, what a journey!
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As for me? Well, I have to admit that even though my results were considerably good this term, I knew that I was not running on all my cylinders. Whenever I look at a pile of work to be done, I just let it go and prefer to socialize behind a computer screen, to make up for the seeming lack of it in face-to-face communication at school (not an excuse for me to not study though!)

My grandmother's seeming nagging is valid: hearing 'poi padi' (Tamil for 'go and study') every time I'm in front of the computer. "Haven't you any homework or revision to do?" Well I do, but I put Internet time in front of my homework because I had perceived it as more important to prove to myself and those around me that I do have a 'life', being a social late bloomer that is desperately trying to catch up.

But I'm thinking twice. Is it really what matters? I've not been counting my blessings. My friends actually don't think that I'm shy and reserved anymore. So why am I kidding myself and setting unrealistic goals? Such a small matter. The popularity bug must have been bugging me again. (Shoo!)

As of now I ought to, like my friends, buck up and earn my way up to a 4-flat.

Now, if you don't mind me, I'm going to poi padi...

Yeah, be like this little one here. For a brighter future :)
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Images taken from (not in order): (1), (2), (3)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A Little on...Feeling Pretty

Note to readers: I'm attempting to keep my blog post word count below 350 words. Less headache for me, saving reading time for you. Wish me all the best in that, haha :D

Looking good...
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Everybody wants to beautiful (or macho, if you're a dude). Right? ;)

Some people communicate this love for beauty more obviously - by spending the effort (and cash) needed to beautify themselves. There are also people on the other extreme - aren't too concerned with appearance, just something comfy will do.

Some people have the confidence that they're beautiful, and are not afraid to flaunt it. Those who rather stay away from the spotlight are pleased with looking pleasantly presentable.

Maybe you are somewhere in the middle of these two extremes.

Personally I like being paid attention - not all the time though, at other times I do prefer to blend in since always being in the center of attention = kinda weird. However, when it comes to dress and appearance, I love designs that stand out (think bold patterns and bling), as well as be rather fussy about the stuff I'm in.


Statement tees! Uh well, if I dared to wear any of these, only the first one on the left is still somewhat workable...
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And yeah, I do like to model (call me perasan if you want, but right now I keep that part of me low-profile though). If I had a nice gown, killer heels, extra doses of confidence and less pimples, I would have joined the Pesona Anggun beauty pageant in my school. Who knows? I may even waltz away with the trophy :)

As of right now, I embrace that part of my personality that has confidence in my appearance. However, moderation is key and I'm still working on a healthy self image - not too proud, not too low in self-esteem either, and getting rid of those pimples - and get fit! Speaking of that, I'm proud to announce that I've lost a kilo since I've started my exercise routine (you can read about how that all started here), and I am another 4 kilos away from my ideal weight. One month and going... :D

How about you? How do you live out beauty?

Images taken from here and here.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Boys



These boys just seem to have a lot of fun...
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A girl's perspective.

Crazy. Funny. Annoying. Kinda cute/hot at times. Naughty. Playful. Smart in unusual areas. Cool-headed. Thoughtful. Generally enjoyable.

There are many kinds of'em - but one thing's for sure, I can say - befriending boys bring different sorts of color and experiences to my life, and I thank God for my guy friends (as well as my girl friends) in enriching my life as it is right now.

Not until fairly recently (read: a year ago), boys to me were like these alien beings that existed around me but that I had nothing to do with. There were an awful lot of nice dudes around me that I could have got to know (as friends I mean...not everything between girls and guys have to be romantic, you know) all that time, but I was too shy and too ignorant to talk much to the guys around me. To be honest, even making and keeping girl friends was hard for me with my 'excellent' social skills - what more about guys?


Okay...what is so alien about guys, anyway? (These ones look hot. :D)
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I did, however, have 2 amateur crushes then; this was because these guys said hi occasionally to me and were basically gentlemen who were, at the standards of the day, kinda hot. However, I didn't attempt to talk more to them or get to know better simply because I didn't really think, at that time, that guys can make pretty good friends. I closed-mindedly only thought about guys as girls' romantic interests.

The reasons why guys were so alien back then? Well, I guess it was mostly shyness. Besides, my family members were mostly girls and I wasn't Daddy's little girl either (don't be mistaken here - I do love my Dad but I wasn't like his 'buddy' or something whenever we talk) so I wasn't 'forced' into talking to boys much. I had no idea what good friendships with guys bring.

Fast forward a year.

I have to admit that I still am not the kind of girl that will just walk up to guys and say 'hey what's up' or make plans with guy friends to go places. That is a long way to go for someone who, like I said in a previous paragraph, didn't even care about talking to boys. However, I'm glad that it started with my classmates now - many of them actually took the initiative to get to know me - that I started to open up to the idea of having guys as friends. I'm not sure if they know that I have never even opened my mouth to talk much to guys before, but they accommodated me somehow and I gradually opened up to them, even though I acknowledge that it's still very little progress before I get 100% natural with guys just like my girl friends. Of course I am also mindful of proper boy-girl boundaries in friendships. In my book it's learn to make friends with guys first before even thinking about the romantic aspects, much later.

After that, starting to get to know other guys in school and outside (in church and in other social circles, also including ex-school friends) became slightly easier. In those areas I admit I still need a lot of work though, especially in terms of taking initiative to talk to them.

My guy friends even have started to tease me now, which can be pretty annoying, but deep down I actually like this progress - it shows that they are not "afraid" of me. People used to do that all the time because they were afraid that I'd cry or get emotional, so I basically had "Fragile: Handle with Extreme Care" signs written all over me, but at the same time, this distance made closer friendships almost impossible - many people dared not to reach out or talk much to me (I don't blame them, I gave people that impression in the first place) and I felt lonely.

After some time of getting used to the idea of guys being my friends, I am still learning a lot in the process. Guys are a lot of fun to be with, and I find their perspectives on things unique. Generally I like how guys can see the whole picture, their ability to make people laugh easily, them being willing to look silly for your entertainment, their ability to mix well with people without too many if's and have a 'I don't care what people think about me' attitude in many aspects . (How often do you see guys in general form cliques, or are obsessed with how they look the way we girls are at times). Some girls sometimes tend to have certain conditions for making friends - guys just make friends, and I didn't have to be rich or popular or extremely pretty to be accepted as their friends, just be willing to get to know them and that's all...


Guys tend to see the bigger picture. Girls? We look for details I guess...
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My hopes are that I completely get rid of all traces of awkwardness when talking to guys, and doing more activities and having more conversations with guy friends (together with the girls  I mean...the more the merrier) to get to know life from a guy's point of view.


Yup, thanks for being so entertaining...
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For bringing a lot of fun and cheer into my life, guys, thank you. :)


Yay for friends!
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Images taken from: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Some Thoughts On Learning


A huge part of learning comes from books.
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When you see the word 'learning', what is the first thing that comes to mind?

I immediately think of the words 'school' and 'education'.

I imagine the familiar imagery of dreary schooldays, where teacher points to the blackboard and students squirm in their seats, or running to class after class, frivolously scribbling (or in more modern settings, frantically typing) notes in lecture halls.

Lecture halls...I wonder how it feels like to be in one of these on a daily basis?
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I also recall those days where we would dissect frogs and insects, mix multicolored chemicals and test out all three of Newton's laws of motion in the science labs. Those days where a supposedly boring History lesson comes to life when teachers brought us on an imaginary tour of the ancient worlds. When we do long and tedious Maths sums, only to feel glad when the sum is finally reduced to a simple number. (Have you wondered why sums are so complicated but the answers so simple? It baffles me.)

However, learning extends beyond school. In fact, we have been learning from the very day we were born. Somehow we learned how to breathe; we learned how to cry and how to smile; we learned how to open our mouths to eat. Later, we learn how to walk and talk, and after that learning becomes more complex: We learn our ABC's, how to make words into sentences, how to associate names with people (e.g this is Mum, this is Dad, etc.), how to recognize colors, how to make friends, etc.

Hopscotch...is a fun way to learn together with friends :)
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Of course not everything we learn is good; we also learn from young how to lie, how to disobey, how to make fun of people/put them down, how to steal, etc. However, somewhere along the line we also learn from our folks, teachers, and religious and moral teachings about what is right, and what is wrong; what is good, and what is bad. However, choosing right over wrong depends entirely upon ourselves. Our upbringing can only do so much and the choice is still mine and yours to make.

Sometimes learning has it's own 'crash and fall' moments...
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Some learning requires memorization, many through repeated practice sessions; some through trial and error, some through concept grasping. There are some areas where we learn faster, some where we learn at a normal pace, and some where we learn slower. It's sad that discrimination does happen as a result, where people who learn slower in certain areas are called names and at times are neglected by the education system at large (not just limited to Malaysia alone- the term 'dumb' is universal!)

Some learning takes place hands-on.
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After school, I know that I will still learn: learning to cope in the work world as an adult. learning how to adapt, how to settle deals and contracts, how to fall in love, how to treat your spouse (if married), how to raise kids (if I have kids that is), how to balance career with family, how to spend time after retiring...

There's one thing I know I'll take a lifetime to learn, however: how to improve in every aspect - be it spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, and become the person that God wants me to be. :)

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From a different angle on this subject, I personally think that learning is the best antidote to superiority. Different groups of people hail their own backgrounds as superior to another - some examples would be like Eastern versus Western cultures (and vice versa); racial superiority, cultural superiority, rich versus poor, even the types of education (a local example would be English-talkers or "English-eds" versus those who uphold vernacular education), and the debates on which is better have never stopped since. Many people fight passionately to defend their point of view while disregarding the other party.

What does learning have to do with this? Personally, I think that instead of finding the specks, stones and flaws in other people or other views, it is better if I learn from them instead. I believe that there are good points in many views, cultures, etc, and it would only do me good if I learn the good of both sides while doing away with the not-so-good parts (everything has flaws). For instance:


  • Instead of hailing one language over another as a medium of education over another, try to learn both if possible. Learning more languages only brings advantage to the person who wishes to communicate better. (Words of my wise mom here) 
  • Instead of hailing one way of life against another, for example by generalizing that Eastern/Western culture is better, take the good of both sides. I think that we need to learn to advance like the West, and practice respect to elders like the East, for example.
  • I've noticed that some cultures have practices that are just plain sweet. Personally for me, one example would be the way my Malay friends salam the hands of their parents, elders and friends when greeting or leaving them (correct me if I'm wrong here). In my eyes, it's a really respectful and sweet thing to do. Another example is how people in the West are more open in showing affection towards family and friends (Asians are a little stingy on affection I guess?) Hugs bring encouragement to close family and friends. I know it when people hug me :) I'm pretty sure there is beauty in every other culture as well, and seeing them makes the world so much more beautiful to me.
Here's to a lifetime of learning.

Learning doesn't stop...
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Image sources: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6)