I feel...like red in the sea of different colours.
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How do you view being different? We are not always with those of our own kind; there are times where one would feel like a duck among swans.
As for me, I am different. I have always been so, all my life.
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How do you view being different? We are not always with those of our own kind; there are times where one would feel like a duck among swans.
As for me, I am different. I have always been so, all my life.
Ever since I was born, I realized that I was different from the people around me - starting with my own parents (what a way to start isn't it?) I knew I wasn't as fair as my dad, or a dark beauty like my mom (It took me a while to use this word. I'll explain why later.) Being a firstborn, there was no one like me yet in our little family. Yet that fact didn't bother me then; my parents loved me nevertheless.
I'd always admired them for their differences, especially my dad - who chose to love and marry someone of a darker skin color, which to me is just purely counter-cultural and amazing . Most people I have met who are mixed-race have Mom as the fairer one among their parents, and my dad was just...Wow, only God could have put them together.
Growing up in various environments, there were quite a number of people I meet that couldn't care less about color. My next-door neighbors in my childhood home, meaningful friends that I have met all my life and left footprints, caring folks from our church, and some other kind souls out there accepted me as I am - being human, perhaps not totally, but accepting nevertheless. When I am with them, the thought that I am different doesn't cross my mind at all. I am happy that I know many folks like that in my life right now, and I thank God for them in my life.
However, I feel my difference acutely when being among certain crowds, as I am treated differently on first impression simply based on the color of my skin. There have been some people, mostly strangers but also some people I knew who started off being slightly rude to me due to assumptions that I was of a certain ethnicity, then upon knowing my real ethnicity, apologized and immediately treated me better, and also vice versa (being not treated politely after people find out that I am not of a certain ethnicity). Even until now, some people (especially kids) still call me rather annoying racist names, and even though I'm used to it it's still annoys me at times.
The first question most people (by most people, I mean like over 90 percent of people I meet) inevitably ask me upon meeting me for the first time is "What race are you?" Well, I don't blame them; I'm obviously different. Just how many Chindians do you know? I'm aware that there are more mixed Malaysians now than 30 years ago, but basically I'm still a weird species. I've been guessed as Indian, Malay, Malay-Siamese, Thai, Nyonya and Punjabi before. There was this one person who guessed so close,calling me 3/4 Chinese and 1/4 Indian. (So close.) The correct answer (my sister did the actual research on this one), is:
As a result of my difference, I discriminated, too. In primary school for instance, I begged my mom not to come for Report Card day and asked Dad to come instead, simply because at that time I was in a Chinese primary school and wanted to be more Chinese-like to feel accepted by my peers. My mom to me was an embarassment! Today I think, how on earth did I have the guts to discriminate against my own mother, and I have since apologized to her for that childish behavior of mine then, when I have yet to learn to accept and embrace this difference that is always a part of me.
One of the things that defined me is that although a Chindian, I have always been more Chinese than Indian - I have a proper Chinese name, and I can speak Mandarin but not Tamil (I can only understand a bit of it even until now), largely due to the environment and education that I received at a younger age.
Sometimes, I feel like I don't have my own community to fall back into; I have nobody championing for my rights unlike all the major races in Malaysia. But thanks to my mixed-ness, I believe that I am given a different point of view - that of being able to understand and appreciate diversity, as well as feeling like one true-blue Malaysian, has been always there. I cannot say that I have never discriminated before, as I have done so out of my own selfishness as well as a imperfect backlash to those who also discriminated towards me; however, I'd rather not discriminate, and I'm glad that I'm a Chindian, nevertheless.
Image taken from here.
BTW, today's post was inspired by this story about colour in Malaysia that I came across. (Do read the post in the link, it's inspiring in a way :) I suspect that the post's author was also born in 1992 like me (leap year FTW!), but well, you can read further in the link above)
I'd always admired them for their differences, especially my dad - who chose to love and marry someone of a darker skin color, which to me is just purely counter-cultural and amazing . Most people I have met who are mixed-race have Mom as the fairer one among their parents, and my dad was just...Wow, only God could have put them together.
Growing up in various environments, there were quite a number of people I meet that couldn't care less about color. My next-door neighbors in my childhood home, meaningful friends that I have met all my life and left footprints, caring folks from our church, and some other kind souls out there accepted me as I am - being human, perhaps not totally, but accepting nevertheless. When I am with them, the thought that I am different doesn't cross my mind at all. I am happy that I know many folks like that in my life right now, and I thank God for them in my life.
However, I feel my difference acutely when being among certain crowds, as I am treated differently on first impression simply based on the color of my skin. There have been some people, mostly strangers but also some people I knew who started off being slightly rude to me due to assumptions that I was of a certain ethnicity, then upon knowing my real ethnicity, apologized and immediately treated me better, and also vice versa (being not treated politely after people find out that I am not of a certain ethnicity). Even until now, some people (especially kids) still call me rather annoying racist names, and even though I'm used to it it's still annoys me at times.
The first question most people (by most people, I mean like over 90 percent of people I meet) inevitably ask me upon meeting me for the first time is "What race are you?" Well, I don't blame them; I'm obviously different. Just how many Chindians do you know? I'm aware that there are more mixed Malaysians now than 30 years ago, but basically I'm still a weird species. I've been guessed as Indian, Malay, Malay-Siamese, Thai, Nyonya and Punjabi before. There was this one person who guessed so close,calling me 3/4 Chinese and 1/4 Indian. (So close.) The correct answer (my sister did the actual research on this one), is:
43.75% Hainan + 25% Malayalee + 25% Vellalar + 6.25% Nyonya
= 50% Chinese + 50% Indian
(plus a little bit of Malay from the Nyonya side). Very
1Malaysia indeed :)
As a result of my difference, I discriminated, too. In primary school for instance, I begged my mom not to come for Report Card day and asked Dad to come instead, simply because at that time I was in a Chinese primary school and wanted to be more Chinese-like to feel accepted by my peers. My mom to me was an embarassment! Today I think, how on earth did I have the guts to discriminate against my own mother, and I have since apologized to her for that childish behavior of mine then, when I have yet to learn to accept and embrace this difference that is always a part of me.
One of the things that defined me is that although a Chindian, I have always been more Chinese than Indian - I have a proper Chinese name, and I can speak Mandarin but not Tamil (I can only understand a bit of it even until now), largely due to the environment and education that I received at a younger age.
Sometimes, I feel like I don't have my own community to fall back into; I have nobody championing for my rights unlike all the major races in Malaysia. But thanks to my mixed-ness, I believe that I am given a different point of view - that of being able to understand and appreciate diversity, as well as feeling like one true-blue Malaysian, has been always there. I cannot say that I have never discriminated before, as I have done so out of my own selfishness as well as a imperfect backlash to those who also discriminated towards me; however, I'd rather not discriminate, and I'm glad that I'm a Chindian, nevertheless.
Image taken from here.
BTW, today's post was inspired by this story about colour in Malaysia that I came across. (Do read the post in the link, it's inspiring in a way :) I suspect that the post's author was also born in 1992 like me (leap year FTW!), but well, you can read further in the link above)
well said, mixed sista :)
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