Teaching and working with kids as well as light chats with peers have recently got me thinking about life as an Asian kid. (Also partially inspired by reviews on the Amy Chua book, if you know what I'm talking about.)
This series is actually a short list of what I see kids face in Malaysia based on experience, as well as my opinion on them. When I did the research, I realized these characteristics are pretty common in Asian families. Today's (rant): high expectations.
“My parents have high expectations of me.”
Generally, Asian kids are expected to be all-stars since young. Besides spending a fortune on tutors to improve school grades (no wonder everyone knows everyone from tuition!), kids’ after-school hours and weekends are packed with activities and classes of various kinds, such as ballet, arithmetic, accelerated math, self-defence, art, swimming, chess, gymnastics, religious classes, and others. See any family at a mamak stall Saturday morning and you’ll see many of the kids inevitably carrying bags with aprons, art block and colours, sports equipment, or music books (or all four!)
The rationale is to produce balanced kids that excel in everything (hopefully, that is). Then, the kid can go anywhere in the future, earn big bucks and live a comfortable life.
From my experience as a part-time piano teacher, I witness this first-hand. The studio where I work is increasing in student population every month. I see every now and then the hopeful parent bringing her kids, aged 5 and 7, to class to try out the piano, then the 5 year-old is told to wait another year (her hands are much too small) so mom decides to start her the moment she turns 6. Most of my students are primary school students who rush from one type of class to another, so I don’t blame them for being restless at times. Homework still has to be done, though.
I think that parents should pick and choose classes for the kids and not enrol them in everything. Yes, parents can expose them to many stuff in the beginning, but long-term commitment should be only to classes where the kid has a natural inclination (note: which the kid likes to do/is good at despite seasons of laziness), focusing on it alone and helping them get good at it as they grow up, which is better than a ‘jack of all trades, master of none’ kid.
Even though kids may be lazy at it (I wanted to quit piano many, many times because of laziness, and sometimes I still do) but the discipline involved with it as well as inclination (music is somewhat in my blood from mom’s side of the family, but I don’t know my full potential yet. LOL!), kids can go places with their talents if they are willing to put in effort.
Hopefully, everyone can then sit and enjoy the stellar performance of a kid who loves what he/she's doing and is ever grateful to his/her parents for pushing him/her further. And the other extreme - if he/she drops out, it is their own choice (and their own loss, if you choose to think that way) instead of grouchy quitting because some perfectionist parent wanted to push them over the edge.
Oh yeah, and do pick quality classes with teachers who can understand the kids and brush up their talents – but I’ll leave that to the folks, they’re wiser in that area :)
Real life example: Now, about that vocal training that I was discussing with the folks some days back…my dad is actually willing to let me go (if I decide on going) provided I finish it, because he thinks it’s good to train up my confidence , because singing in front of crowd = GULP! even though I do like singing better than my rather nasal voice right now instead of just in my head (why I suggested it). It’s a fantasy of sorts actually, so let’s see how that goes.
In the next post in this series, I'll be talking on how some Asian parents shower praise on other people's kids but are stingy offering them to their own kids. Stay tuned :)
Images taken from here and here.
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