Do you like making decisions?
For me, being able to decide can be both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because I have free will and I can choose something that is better, rather than having no choice at all; it's a curse because deciding can be really scary,and you're fully responsible for the choices you make!
A lot has been flying through my mind lately.
I'm finding for a job - a decision that if I could, would not want to make. I admit that I do feel lazy to accept the responsibilities of work, and I'm also afraid of exposing myself to the working world. Are adults going to be really mean? Will I mess up? Will I be able to do what I'm told? Take any job or be specific to doing law (which means waiting longer to be hired)?
In relationships - decisions that I inevitably face every day. I have to decide to be interested in people's life, and act despite me being lazy and afraid of doing it. How do I handle things people say or do to me? How I react will affect them as well. How can I serve them? Be myself around them? And can I ever be able to do it without tears or manipulating? How is it that I can find joy in something that I am powerless to control except for my own part in it?
About studies - which direction to take? I say that I wanna do law but I put off reading law books most of the time because deep down I don't want to think about studies for now - I just want to enjoy the remnant of my teenage years. Why, if this is what I like? Am I kidding myself now? People ask 'what kind of law' and I get even more blur. Researching still hasn't make me see what I want to do - all I know is that I wanna help see justice served, I admire how (good, un-corrupted) lawyers think rationally and critically when helping their clients, and I want to put my brains to good use. That's all I know, actually, if that counts.
Others' comments and advice can help a little, but experience - personal experience that is - looks like the only way to go. Can't always avoid facing stuff, ya' know? (God's wisdom always to be sought out first - something more easily said than done)
Hmm, I wonder, dear readers, how many questions fly through your heads each day? :)
I'm going on a job search tomorrow and Tuesday...it's welcome to the work force I guess!
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