picture by Paolo Marconi
It would be really nice if there were modern day balls, just like the ones that we hear about in fairy tales. The beautiful girl in the gown coming down the stairs with the most elegant thing that night, with all heads turned in her direction.
Then there was internal conversation.
Q: Ah, so this is what this is about, Deb? You want people to notice you. Again. And again. I wonder my dear, what is so wonderful about it anyway?
A: Uh, well, when you're a die hard introvert, and shy, but at the same time kinda vain, you'd want to break out of the 'nobody knows my name' syndrome that you think has plagued you for the past, uh, 20 years. Let the whole wide world know who you are.
Q: So okay, let's assume one day the whole wide world really knows who you are. Then what?
A: Then...I'd be happy. No need to worry what to say at parties anymore - everyone loves me already?
Q: Didn't you hear the saying "What good is there to gain the whole world but to lose your soul" before?
A: Hmm...but it's really awesome to be popular and liked for once!
Q: Then again, look at the way you go about doing it. You try too hard to make small talk that means nothing to you and act all cheesy like you're someone you're not. Isn't that hard work? Besides, even with a giggly posse with you (since that's what you want somehow), you're envious every time you see someone prettier, smarter, taking the attention away from you (apparently), etc. Doesn't it give you so much heartache, so much pressure, all self-afflicted? Sucks to be you. You're so insecure all the time.
A: I know, I know! But I'm still struggling. I can't shake the thought of wanting people to notice me there. It's like I feel so abnormal.
Q: Can't be happy in your own skin my dear? How sad. Why can't you just let loose? Let people know what are your favorite things, what makes you sing, act goofy for a change. Poke people, hug them (girls), share your life story with them, don't be too worried about burping and yawning (you think that makes you less ladylike so you do it discreetly all the time) You take too much care to present a picture perfect portrait of yourself in front there, so much so that people can't relate. Where is your human side? Do you want to get stuck in this rut forever?
A: Give me a guitar, my Bible, a journal and a week's fast from Facebook. I need to reflect and pray about this.
Meanwhile, to finish up the ball story...
Everyone sure did look at her...maybe for like 5 seconds? And then they went back to their own worlds. Besides the occasional compliment that she receives on her dress, everyone's dancing with their own partners and socializing with their own friends.
But then, the princess catches the attention of one.
Her prince. He is enraptured by not just her physical beauty - he wants her. To dance with, to spend time with, to sip drinks under the moonlight with. And she doesn't need anyone else's gaze to be happy.
picture by Stewart Baird
Hmm. How romantic. Are you talking about your future significant other? Maybe...but even his gaze would be sometimes averted. He's only human, so even though he'd try his very best, there will still be times where the girl at the stairs gets ignored -
(digression) since we're at the topic...I give you this? written two years ago, haha. I have some updated criteria though, will cerita soon ;D (end of digression)
At the end of my FB fast, I'll write down the ending to the story. And what I have learned about overcoming my insecurity. :)
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