This blog now has a new home.

I have moved!
Picture by KoiQuestion

The blog's new home:

www.debrawong.com

I've decided to move to a new address because I'm moving on from all the traffic that I used to get from my form 6 posts here. There I'll talk about a lot more things - faith, current issues, music, education, writing, just to name a few. Whereas here I practiced more self-censorship, I hope to hopefully facilitate a more adult, mature form of discussion in my new blog. My style's going to be the same for now, but I'm hoping to see it change in the near future.

This blog will stay as an archive, but will no longer be updated. 

Do follow me at the new blog address above :) I'm in the midst of shifting things around, so some links are still missing. But no worries, I've kick-started my first post!

Final Note Regarding Study Series

Dear readers,

All STPM-related notes that used to be on this blog have been archived on Scribd (link to all my notes here). They have been deleted from the blog because I can no longer comment on them in a helpful manner, having left school for 2+ years now. Besides, it's not nice leaving outdated stuff around to confuse people.

If you have been following me merely for the sake of STPM notes, feel free to unfollow or stay. I won't be offended. :)

For more detailed explanation, read this.

Thank you.

Regards, Deb

Uni Life Diaries #1

Year Two, take one.

#1: Commuting to class

Picture mine, actually taken on the way to class.
Everyone's squeezing like sardines, both inside and outside the bus...
If there were less people,
some of them would probably stare at me because I'm taking pictures.
Journalism student in training, must brush up my skills mah. haha. 

Rush hours aren't limited to the big city streets. It also exists in USM, as everyone is still trying to get used to the new bus system. Buses and bus stops are filled to their limits, and walking to classes is more common in campus now - maybe a blessing in disguise for those who want to lose/maintain weight, but be prepared to wash your clothes more often as they get drenched in sweat more easily.

Honestly, I appreciate the fact that USM is taking the effort to try and improve the bus routing system to accommodate an increasing number of students as well as increase the turnaround times per bus (so that we won't have to wait too long to get on one). The buses that are used now are actually bigger and more comfortable (for the same rate per semester so far). For that I'm grateful.

I think those who planned the route have good intentions, but I'm a bit lost at the execution part, because it seems like the jam has actually increased compared to the previous year. The reason is most likely a combination of increased student intake, unfamiliarity with bus routes (so people wait at the wrong bus stations), as well as the lack of the number of buses to critical areas, such as the Padang Kawad bus stop (the RST complex undeniably has the biggest population of students because of its big capacity), Aman Damai (because physically disabled students are allocated places there, but so far a van has been allocated for that purpose so that's settled I guess), and the road that passes by the SOLLAT/HBP area (many people have classes/courses there as well as the DK D/E/F complex). No system is perfect, but surely it could use improvements...maybe I feel ''it'' more because I stay in Restu (which, even though relatively new and comfortable, is the furthest hostel from anywhere in USM) and have to experience ''the squeeze'' a few times per day. For the past few days, I have actually walked more so that I didn't need to wait until I can squeeze on the 5th bus that comes along after about half an hour (!). Many students have complained about the 3rd reason, but I don't think it's the only reason.

Since last year, I don't like having to be selfish on the bus route. To take someone else's seat on the bus, or block someone's way up, or having to squeeze against someone making them feel uncomfortable. (I don't like it done to me either, obviously.) But if I wanted to get to class on time by bus, I'd no choice but to do some of those things. Unless I come out about an hour before classes or before (imagine 8am class = wait for the bus at 7am) or walk. Normally, if I can't get on 3 buses, I would walk straight away. Those are the times where I wished I had a car. But then, cars contribute to the big street traffic jams, so...

Anyway, hoping for the day where there is no longer a need to squeeze like sardines in campus buses anymore. :)

#2: The weather
 It rains the whole day one day, and then a heat wave comes the next day. Very typical islandic weather, which means, (here's a tip) plan your laundry days as well as you can, because you wouldn't want to have a lack of clean clothes to wear.

But monsoon change can actually be kinda pretty, like these clouds descending on the mountains behind RST that I saw today morning: (the clouds in the sky are pretty too!)

It looks like a fluffy worm. Or is it just me?
This pic was taken with a proper camera,
hence the better quality compared to the bus one above
(which was taken on my mobile phone)
Clear skies are beautiful. :)

Another tip: Since the weather is so unpredictable here in Penang/USM, there are a few essentials that I would suggest you have to make traveling easier out of experience, which will be:
* this applies to any coastal area with tropical, infrequent rain/sunshine. So, the tips can be used outside USM. :)

Photo Credit: bark via Compfight cc

• Slippers/sandals with a good grip. Don't use old slippers/sandals where the pattern or ''groove'' at the base has disappeared due to prolonged friction, or risk slipping and getting yourself wet on rainy days (personally witnessed this many times + happened to me quite often also)

Photo Credit: * Cati Kaoe * via Compfight cc

• Umbrellas: The small, cheap, foldable kind of umbrella, although convenient, has a shelf life of about 4 months - a year at most over here (if you rarely use it) due to strong wind that will blow your umbrella inside out, breaking the metal frame. So unless you don't mind changing one every half a year, consider getting a bigger one, the kind you hold in your hand. Shade in the sun, protection in the rain. It's essential.
  * unless you tend to lose things easily like me, then have to settle for smaller one lo. Sad! I own two umbrellas now actually (one in use, one spare), my 6th and 7th ones since last year respectively, so I have an unofficial title: The Umbrella Wrecker now -.-

Photo Credit: Joe Shlabotnik via Compfight cc

• Sunblock/sun protection lotion for hot days, unless you want a more tanned complexion. It's not the beach, but still if you wish to maintain skin tone, sunblock helps.

Okay, that's all I can write for today. Off to lunch, then classes. Have a nice day :)

Hello, Year 2!

Hello! I am shy, but can be kinda cute on a good day
*perasan* nah, I just adore bunnies.
Pic credit. Found on flickrcc.net

First of all, here's a shoutout to all the juniors in USM who just successfully completed their week-long orientation: welcome to USM! You have just started the 3 or 4-year long process of finding your way through campus (and Penang Island), learning tons of new stuff, and going through a roller coaster of experiences.

And here's a ''senior pledge'' that I made myself:
I will help to the level best I can. I will not try too hard to deal with things or give advice that I can barely set an example, neither will I refuse help when I am able to do so. I will move onward from the position of the one asking help and attention to the one who gives help and attention. :)

-------------------------
"I will move onward from the position of the one asking help and attention to the one who gives help and attention."

The above transition isn't a easy one. For one, I am very ''manja'' and like to be taken care of, as well as sensitive, so people tend to thread lightly around me once they know me really well. When I'm sad, I want to cry as loud as I can; when I'm mad, I want to kick and scream as yell. As 3-year-old as that sounds, all of me seems to be resistant to grow up. If I can, I want to be ''sayang''ed forever...but in reality, that only happens to little children.

I fear, often, that if I let go of the need to be taken care of, then really no one would take care because well...I'm independent? And independent people are supposed to find friends and fun on their own, do things on their own. I'm afraid - that's why I tend to want to cling to people a lot so that I don't need to face my fears. When one faces their fears and challenges, they can only do it alone. No one can face their fears for them.

But it must be done. Time, opportunities, and people's patience are limited. What needs to be heard, has been said already and there must be some other healthier way to talk to people who care about me on my emotional health- maybe update them on progress instead of complaining all the time.
(Besides, I have to admit, it is tiring by itself to carry so much negative energy. After being emo for long periods, I do want to talk about sunshine and happy things. You know what? If I had a pet of my own, I'm gonna name it Sunshine or Joy, just to remind myself to be happy.)

So I will try to face my fears, at the expense of my ego (I always think facing specific fears makes me look stupid) and the possibility of success at 50/50. If it succeeds, allright - that I ought to celebrate - and if not, then at least I won't live with the regret of not trying.

Here's to life, allowing myself to make mistakes, letting my guard down, and to year 2, which officially starts tomorrow. Now, need to move stuff back from the store at my hostel, because I miss sleeping with a proper pillow, bedsheets and blanket for the past week...

Reality: Snapshot #2 - True Friends, and Satisfaction

Photo Credit: *vlad*

What is real happiness?

Notice (26.8): I'm going to be moving this blog to a new address soon. If you have been following me for some time, the nature of my blog posts has taken a more personal, reflective turn (being true to personality FTW) and as I have rather detailed form 6 notes lying around this blog, I'll leave this blog for reference and the occasional article on learning/studies but open another address for future updates. Just felt the need for separating the personal from the studies stuff.

A(nother) five minute post-Camp Cam and holiday-end snapshot of life so far.
PS: Pics at end of post ;)

Photo Credit: Brandon Christopher Warren 

Snapshots of life come in different colours.

It's been a little more than a month since Camp Cameron ended, and pretty soon life's gonna start getting busy again. With Band Camp, classes starting (it has been said that the transition from freshman to sophomore year is a pretty big leap, and a hectic one at that), convocation - where many senior friends are going to graduate and move to the next stage in life, and juniors coming in (OMG I'm a senior already! Old already...haha!), life goes on. Everyday can't be a mountaintop experience.

When I came back from camp last month, everything seemed less than perfect. Family, church, life, friends - everything needed to be fixed because it wasn't ideal. Somewhat I had this superwoman mentality that everything must be changed (which is normally what happens when I get a 'high' from camps and stuff) and some people said that I became more judgmental, actually. But instead of everything changing for the better, it either remained the same, or I became lazy. I stopped reading my Bible daily like the first few days after camp. Worship stopped feeling personal and intimate - it felt routine again. Some bad habits and closet sins became worse than ever before. How quick it can be to forget the experiences that I had with God and with my camp family, if one never takes the trouble to remember! And once again, doubts about identity and self worth creep in in those dry, dreary days where the computer became my only companion or connection with the outside world.

There were events such as reunions with my camp family and also church camp (If you stumbled here by accident you'd probably wonder, wow, this girl goes for a lot of camps does she? Yeah, this holiday season, pretty much.) Those undeniably were good times with good fellowship, but most of the time when left alone with a computer, I start to doubt. There seemed to be pictures of almost everyone having a good time (i.e when you feel lonely, everyone seems to be having more fun). And then I start counting - the number of Whatsapp messages I received, the number of notifications on my Facebook feed, the number of friends in pictures I posted, the amount of time I hanged out with people. When others seemed to have more of those, I envied them. Surely their lives must be more fun and fulfilling than mine, I thought to myself. So at one particularly down day, I posted this:

The responses that I received were overwhelming. No, not in terms of quantity, but those that responded to me both publicly and privately chastised me for looking at the surface quantifiers of popularity as to determine whether one is truly happy or not, as well as for the envy that I had towards others. People who were genuinely well liked are so because they bless others, and I am guilty of seeing what they have and coveting it instead of blessing them/getting to know them as people.

Insecurity is a pretty lethal road block if you want to bless others and feel really happy, because you are never perfect enough, never happy enough, never satisfied, always lacking, always wanting. Discontentment...breeds contempt.

Photo Credit: h.koppdelaney

Alone doesn't have to mean lonely.

So it's alright to be eating alone in the cafeteria (trips me up everytime someone asks about that), it doesn't mean that I'm a loser.
It's okay if I log in to Facebook, Whatsapp or whatever and see nothing new, it doesn't mean that I have no social life.
It's okay if people who are around me are ''less fun''. They are not less fun . They are fun, and fun doesn't have to be only certain type of activities that aren't preferable for people with different personalities. And even with people of different personalities, they are not shallow or surface. They are people. Everyone is a unique creation of God. I am, too. And for that I am grateful.

More stuff I am grateful for:

Yoon Yi @ Georgetown! Pic is hers.
She's one of those few friends that I grew up with :)

The Asherite reunion @ Melaka, and the family there,
happy after their crepe cakes:)
this one was taken by Fongwan, btw.

More Asherite madness!
The pics above and below was taken at one of our outings by grandpa Jeremy :)

The last three are spoilers, bahaha! Had a small gathering at home yesterday. I am blessed to share a historical day with these folks. I admit I did envision a big fancy party and crowd but...again, quality over quantity. Besides, now I kinda have friends all over Malaysia (or getting there) :)

The family...

The childhood friends...

The childhood friends + my senior pastor & wife

Goodbye Puchong, hello second year. I welcome the challenges and the new experiences for the year ahead :)

Reality: Snapshot #1

Photo Credit: Khánh Hmoong

A five-minute post Camp Cameron snapshot on life so far.

Today, I messed up. I dilly-dallied and lazed around, didn't do my Bible reading like I wanted to, fell into a bad habit that I thought I got over with, felt envious of my friends who could drive, and then argued with my mom about the very same issue after that. I still feel this intense need to prove to my parents, and to everyone else, that I can, because I feel like I cannot and need their validation to 'prove' that I can. I don't feel like a transformed, victorious person in Christ at all, at least not today! I feel like giving up. I really do. After all, it's what I always do. When friends don't respond to invitations to makan together one, two times, I stop calling them together. I'd rather shop alone then to make plans with people who might not come along anyway. I'd rather be a hermit, under a shell, whatever you'd call it. I give up.

I give up. I'd rather not try than crash and burn again, in anything. I'd rather condemn myself beforehand than to actually fail.

Yet the God that I encountered in Camp Cameron was there the whole while even before that, asking me to look at Him:

Debra, though you may give up on yourself too easily, and though you always assume that everyone else has given up, too, I have never, and will never, give up on you.

All that self-condemning is a shield from people's condemnation, which most of the time exists in the realms of imagination anyway.

Deb, it's okay to feel pain, it's okay to hurt, but don't give up so fast-lah! There's so much in life that might be missed out if everything also give up so easily.

I will hold on.

Photo Credit: Neil Krug, text mine

ps. more on Camp Cam, and other happenings in June/July, soon :)

It's Time To Face The Finals...?

Last semester, most of my exam papers fell on Tuesdays too...talk about an exam day.
Pic mine

So, the finals start next week.

There's actually one more exam to the list above on the 13th, but it's a small group exam so it's not listed here. 6 papers in total. And I am studying for them alright, just that I zone out after 1/2 hour or longest is 1 hour...in my room, I would be the most distracted. There's a bed, and there's Internet access. No excuse, though. Still need to study.

This semester, I generally slacked off more than the last one. The last semester, I bought/photo-stated almost all textbooks, went for most classes, didn't skip any, seriously studied despite the Christmas season for finals and generally didn't go out much. Even with friendship dilemmas, the Jazz Band Concert and trying-to-adjust-to-new-university-life thing going on, I was blessed (I dare not say that I deserve it, because I didn't do 100% of my best) with a CGPA enough to earn a Dean's List award.

1st year Dean Listers in Comm School.
Pic by Wen Wen, my coursemate :)

This semester, things were different. For starters. there was more coursework than exams, so there was a lot of working in groups. I usually try to have a good work attitude/ethic, but I admit that slacked off (should have learned how to simultaneously handle two or more deadlines at the same time, something I haven't learnt to do). As long as the deadline wasn't next week, I procrastinated, and many of my assignments were handed in just in time, where I slogged through the few nights before deadlines. This will definitely affect the quality of the work done - most of the coursework I received back were all average (B/B+) in contrast to last semester (A/A-) grades.

As time passed, the amount of activities that came my way increased in duration as well as responsibilities, making me make the choice to choose between them (which I don't like to do, because I don't like disappointing people - pretty much a yes girl) before I run out of breath. If not, next year I'd be gasping for air...I had fun doing said activities though, so it's not a bad thing. Just that my focus has to come back to hitting the books and studying first before everything else.

I started not going to several mass-handled classes (students in the thousands because it's a compulsory course), and also some classes that started at 8 a.m.(woke up late). It's a good thing that for my core subjects, I still managed to attended most classes and get all the notes. But, it's a deterioration of determination from last semester. Somehow, even though I still enjoy what I study, this semester I didn't feel like studying as much.

I do not blame anyone else but myself for my lower expectations, letting myself off guard, and laziness/loss of drive this semester. For the finals, I'm roughing it out and trying my best, but basically there's not too much I can do when coursework determined the bulk of my grade this semester. There are a lot of lessons that I can learn from everything that happened in the previous year, and lots of memories as well - that's material for the next post, after finals are over. Until then, see you, and all the best for the finals (for USMers and other college/uni kids having finals)

Notice: Blog Reconstruction In Progress

MIA for a while due to heavy assignment load... & wanted a fresh new look/direction for the blog, since it's all over the place - with publicly accessed study posts and personal rantings. There's so much I want to wrote about, but pulled back because it concerned issues such as politics, social observances etc, and I cannot find other blogs sufficient to share what I really wanted to share. So, blog category organization is in progress. :) See you really soon!

- deb

Encouraged

Family Photo! pic credit to Nic :)

...is how I would describe my experience in PKA USM Family Camp 2013.

(For those not from USM reading this, PKA = Persaudaraan Kristian Agape, it is one of the Christian fellowships in USM that I joined.)

I've never blogged about events that I went to before, but I do really want to share my experience and what I have learned from camp.

The biggest aspect that made this camp experience very special for me is the family fellowship. The 'human connection' element in the camp, made very possible by the events planned by the committee as well as the conducive-ness of the place we went to (quiet beach resort) is what made me feel a sense of belonging. I seldom experience this in life to be frank, mostly because I shy away from people in general, but I was really happy to be able to talk to people comfortably, just like how I would talk to my own physical family and childhood friends back home. I admit, I was still really guarded in general throughout camp, but there were instances where the guards came down and genuine connection happened between the campers. Here are some of those experiences that I mean:

pic credit to Wai Quan :)

Team Ranger

On the first day of camp, without warning, I was assigned to lead this team. What, me, lead? I thought - and for the next few hours, I actually freaked out and shut myself out from talking to people because of it, because I believed that I could not do it well. In my mind, I was too introverted and didn't have the passion needed to do do. But my group members - some who were exuberant and lively, while some were rational and thoughtful - were so dedicated, supportive, and constantly uplifted and encouraged me when I didn't know the right words to say or the right things to do. During the games as well as when planning our team cheer, everyone was so sporting and joined everything - making me feel, well, encouraged :) We spent a lot of time sharing, and all, yes all of the members shared from their hearts and experiences, understanding where everyone comes from. I was able to see different sides of people that previously I only knew superficially. We even had an impromptu sharing session after the 3rd service - it was initiated by the members themselves instead of it being a 'must-do' activity. Benedict, my assistant in the team, suggested that we do this activity, codenamed "M.U.S" - short for Moral Uplifting Society, where everyone takes turns to say positive things about each other, one person at a time. It was an eye-opening experience to how much encouragement was offered during the session, and it wasn't just superficial comments - they all were deep and well-thought out. Really enjoyed the camaraderie that developed within this team :) Go Rangers!

pic credit to Alison :)

Not Your Typical "Church" Camp

Now don't get me wrong - I enjoy church camps, especially back home! But this camp was refreshing in its execution of activities. The speaker conducted the preaching not so much like preaching - throughout the four sessions, he shared so much from his own life experiences, and even when he shared extensively from Scriptures, it was shared in a way that I didn't feel like it was 'preaching' but more of we all being in one big group where he was sharing and again, encouraging us to enter into the joy of knowing God through knowing God's Word. The devotions were taken quite seriously every morning - the dynamics of my team made every session become reflections on how we should live out our daily lives. There were also prayer stations that we prayed for every morning, on our own - something I wasn't used to, but an interesting experience. There were stations such as thanksgiving, praying for each other's needs, praying for our own needs, praying for the CF, praying for our blood family and other's blood families, and praying for our friends. I saw everyone spending time with God themselves, and when I tried to, it was so weird - so instead of saying words, I decided to play my guitar (softly) in a corner - and songs just flowed into my mind from memory, reminding me of how good God has been in my life. :)

pic credit to Carol :)

First Time

This camp was the first time I worship led in PKA - and also the first time in life where I played the guitar and sang at the same time. Back home, I did either one of it, not both. My youth friends who were song leaders could all song lead and play guitar at the same time, and I really admired that skill of theirs since young. I've always wanted to do that. For some time I struggled with the thought that I wanted to do it to show off my skills (which are pretty amateur actually). One day after attending a BE (Bible Exposition) meeting organized by PKA, a sudden surge of desire came to me to volunteer to worship lead for this camp. So before I started thinking too much about that desire, leading to the wrong motive of wanting to show off, I quickly volunteered to worship lead for one of the sessions. After that, I became skeptical of whether I could really pull this off, but my worship team - as well as other friends - again, encouraged me with their willingness to step in and serve, as well as reminding me that I'm not the one who supposed to pull this off, rather it is allowing myself to be used by God to facilitate others into worship. Before, during and after my session was over, many campers either came up to me personally or wrote notes to me to (again) encourage me about my song leading and told me that I did a good job, that I was talented, that I had a heart of serving. A friend and fellow camper told me yesterday that when she saw the way everyone encouraged me during and after my session, she was touched to tears. I think to myself again and again, what have I done? I remember playing wrong chords and the flow of songs could be improved. But hearing so many kind words, my energy spent thinking on the weaknesses was replaced just by saying thank you to everyone for their support.

Love letters <3

Personal Resolutions

Throughout the camp, my brothers and sisters in PKA were either telling me personally or writing notes to me saying that the Lord has made me beautiful, capable and talented, and that I should accept myself the way I am. The message that I should accept myself the way I am has been like a resounding chorus that many, many people have been trying to tell me since day one - my mom and dad, church members back home, even some people that I don't know personally that have talked to me. For years and years, I had a huge problem with self-acceptance. I always think that self-acceptance is a very selfish thing and I must always condemn myself to humble myself. Nice things should only come from the mouths of others. The problem is, (this is one area where I find being a thinker and having a lot of self-awareness helps) despite being in denial, deep down I wanted people to acknowledge me and notice me, and I fixate my thoughts and activities on how much people notice me. So, I talk about myself a lot and try to impress people, hoping people would get to know me and then say nice words in return, but when they don't, I tell myself that I didn't do enough to please them. This constant focus on pleasing others has ironically made me focus on myself even more...and negatively. No wonder people are driven away! 

It's a very weird idea for me, even right now, to see that trying to impress people, though focusing on others, is a selfish, defensive act of trying to compensate for wanting to believe good things on myself. I heard before that it is spoken, love your neighbour as you love yourself. I stress over loving the neighbour part, but always wonder why I have really not much love for people in general. The messages that I received in camp brought me to the realization of the "love...as you love yourself" part. Thinking through it...if I don't love myself, or more specifically, always complain about how I am unlovable, unworthy and unable to do good things, how would I know to love other people genuinely? Ironically, self-acceptance seems to be the way to begin if I ever want to be less selfish and love others more. It's all still jumbled up in my head somewhat, but I'm thinking this through.

Being brought up in a Christian home, I heard the basic salvation message that Jesus died for my sins many, many times. I usually just accept it without giving it too much further thought. Yet, thinking about why this event is so significant, I stumbled on the thought that when He died for my sins, He actually took away all the condemnation that I bear due to the fact that I am not good enough, I always mess up, I fail to love others, etc. When it is said that there is no condemnation in Christ in the Bible, I actually struggle to understand and apply this verse in my life - because I condemn myself almost always for the smallest of things, giving me such a negative, pessimistic energy. If I am forgiven, then why does my heart, my conscience, always condemn me? Maybe I have spent my entire lifetime listening to half-truths and too easily personalize judgement that I hear as defining of who I am? This is one area that I want to intentionally work on this semester. A brother suggested to me in camp that I should spend five minutes everyday just looking into the mirror and telling myself, "I love you" and meaning it...perhaps I should try that out. I'm also currently accountable to some people about dealing with lies and baggage that has stunted me and making me unable to make myself useful and experience joy.

Another resolution I have made is to intentionally improve my relationships with some of my brothers and sisters in real life, by intentionally spending time with them face-to-face. The reasons vary - some I haven't talked to them much, some I only talk to online, and some relationships in need of restoration...by approaching them the way I am, without trying to please them or talk too much about myself to let them notice me, yet by spending time, allow them to see who I really am.

All in all, I really felt that the whole camp was ripe with the spirit of its theme verse: 

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Heb 10:24-25)

as well as this verse:

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thess 5:11)

5 Traditional 'Cina' Foods I Love

pic taken from here

While the festive spirit of Chinese New Year is still going strong, I thought it'll be fun and somewhat whimsical to describe some of my favorite Chinese delicacies, just for the sake of it (and to hint to anyone that wants to take me out for a meal...*wink wink*) I didn't think that being a Chindian with ''banana'' interests would make me like the following really traditional Chinese food, but what can I do? They're all too good. :)

Without further ado, here's the list:

pic taken from here

Hakka Lui Cha 客家擂茶 - My favorite Chinese dish among all dishes. It's healthy but tasty at the same time. Lui Cha is made up of rice eaten together with many different kinds of green vegetables and herbs, together with a tea and nut-based "soup". There's a restaurant near my place in Puchong, Restoran An Sim, that Lui Cha stall I frequent every single time I passed by that area. It's the best I've tasted so far, and it was introduced to me by a former colleague (who's not Chinese...talk about Lui Cha winning the hearts of Malaysians regardless of race!) If you like vegetables, healthy stuff and herbal stuff then I bet you'd enjoy Lui Cha. I find it a little odd that some of my ''pure'' Chinese friends don't like this, but oh well, I guess it's an acquired taste, like wine.

pic taken from here

Herbal Tea Eggs 茶叶蛋 - They're normal eggs to begin with, but when boiled in a herbal spice mix for hours they become these sweet herbal goodies that taste ten times better than normal eggs (for me that is). Easily found in malls and street-side vendors, herbal tea eggs are a favorite small snack 小吃 for many people. I find myself digging out all the egg from the shell and even sucking on the shell just to taste the herbal gravy. (Not a refined practice that I'd recommend though, haha!)

pic taken from here

Herbal Soups 药材汤 - can be prepared in many, many forms, but I love those that have ginseng in it. And wolfberries. That sweet/herbal/mildly bitter thing going on in the soup. The longer the soup is boiled + the amount of spices used = the more stronger the herbal flavor, which I love, but some people prefer them milder. Whatever your taste, herbal soup is refreshing and healthy, too - getting rid of all the oil and "heat" from meats and main meals :)

pic taken from here

Turtle Jelly 龟令膏 - sweet and mildly bitter dessert usually served cold. It can be eaten by itself or after meals. There's people selling it in jelly form combined with nata de coco to make it sweeter, but I actually prefer the original jelly alone. I wonder...was it really made out of turtle shells, hence it's name?

pic mine

Tang Yuan/Glutinous balls 汤圆 - prepared by most Chinese families during the Winter Soltice festival in December, but with dessert shops popping up all over town, it can be found year-round. Sweet and sticky, yet 'plain' enough not to overpower with flavor - what more can I ask for? The ''stuffing'' is good with anything sweet, from the traditional sesame/lotus paste to even chocolate, it's hot soup and sweet balls make for a nice ending to meals.

Next time I write about food, I'll introduce some traditional Indian foods that I like/eat, the kind you don't always find in Mamak stalls :) Until next time...

The Guy I'm Looking For

picture by aracelota

"What criteria would you like to see in your future husband?"

It all started when this question was asked casually of me in a camp that I've attended two months ago. Ever since then, a few people have asked me similar questions. Though right now I'm single (and learning how to be contently so, making the best out of this season of life), I feel that this is indeed a good question, and it is never too early to give some thoughts on the kind of person that I would want to spend the rest of my life with in the future. Conversely, these criteria apply to myself as well; I, too, need to strive on cultivating these traits in my own life (more on that in a follow up post, coming soon)

This is a post I plan to keep on my blog until the day I get married.

Yes, I'm serious.

It will be reviewed as I grow in wisdom, maturity and experience in life and in age, but right now I'll start with a few essentials:

picture by Will Foster

1. First and foremost, God must be his first love.

My parents and relatives have been telling me this statement ever since the first time I asked them about it. For years I took it at face value, not thinking much about it, but as I hear stories of people who - with sincere intentions - put their partner as the most important thing in their life, and when they get disappointed by them, the results are devastating. How many suicide cases have you heard just because one party got jilted by the other? Yes, their level of maturity is questionable, but it still illustrates very well to me about how powerful relationships are in shaping a person's thoughts, beliefs and ultimately their decisions. I have learnt from personal experience and observations that human relationships, no matter how close, will be imperfect and cannot fulfill my every need. I believe that only God can do that (I'm honestly still coming to terms with this in view of actual friendships that I have experienced).

My dad was not a romantic sort of man. Even when they were dating he wasn't the kind that would always buy gifts and say sweet nothings in my mother's ear. But they got together, got married and ultimately stayed married for the past 20+ years because my dad put God as his first love in life, and so did Mum. They aren't perfect in executing it; they have their own set of annoyances and weaknesses that still last until now, but their friendship was one that was honest and sincere to God and to each other. Therefore, I now second my parents' sentiments, as well as their experience, that if my future husband has God as his first love consistently, he will naturally love me the right way as well.

picture by orangeacid

2. He must strive to be transparent and sincere, shedding masks and false fronts.

In other words, he should be direct and truthful with his thoughts, actions, and what is going on in his life. No pretending to be someone he's not; no double life. I'm not saying that he can't keep secrets from me; but he should be honest with major areas in his life. This criteria is my personal aspiration as well, and so I'm looking for someone who is a good example and will be truthful with me. Trustworthiness allows us to have faith in each other; while directness allows thoughts to be expressed easily, reducing misunderstandings as well as understanding each other better.

For years, I tried to put up a front to others so that they could accept me as one of them. However, deep down, I felt unhappy because I knew that I wasn't being myself - but I continued to act that way because I didn't trust people in general to accept me as I am. My masks crumble on me, though, when people uncover them and see the faker behind it, leaving scars in the process. I'm still learning to accept and be genuine with who I am, overcoming my insecure nature by being a boundless person; that's one of the reasons why I feel that I'm not yet ready for a relationship. But I hope to be able to grow into, as well as get into a relationship with someone who is transparent and sincere

However, the directness I'm asking for isn't a main taruh sort of bluntness where he bludgeons me with the truth in my face with no mercy or consideration for my feelings. Which brings us to criteria #3...

picture by miss.libertine

3. He ought to be patient, understanding, and willing to give reassurance.

Normally, guys I see with criteria #2 don't seem to fit this criteria; and vice versa, but that's merely based on surface-level observation, and currently there's no guy in my life (yet) that I know well enough to observe if he fits #3 or not. Why is patience so important to me? Because where relationships are concerned, with each other and with other family members...stuff can get really crazy. And it takes patience to tahan so long with people whom you love, live, and interact with on a daily basis.

As for understanding and reassurance...well, it would be really, really nice if my future boyfriend and hubby were to be an encouraging person, sensitive to progress that I have made and being unlazy/brave/willing to say so to me. It would be nice if he told me 'I love you' and other words that reaffirm our relationship from time to time as well. This need for reassurance is not a replacement for feeling secure, as I strive to find my security in God alone; rather, it is because sincerely spoken words are my love language. :)

picture by Pensiero

4. He should cherish and practice discernment.

I'm striving to be a wiser person each year, and I hope that my future hubby can do so, too. There's just so much being said and done out there that finding wisdom and truth is harder than ever before. Besides being a genuine person himself, I hope and pray that he would not just take whatever he hears at face value. Instead, he ought to think over it carefully, weighing pros and cons, listening to both sides (or more) of a story or news, and practicing moderation over certain issues - before making his stand or decision. And when he does decide on something, he stands on his decision that is well-informed yet open to change whenever necessary. This is all an ideal; in reality most of us will be too lazy to think that thoroughly, but well...it's not wrong to strive towards that direction, right?

It's going to be really sweet when we both mull over decisions together, and then giving each other high-fives when we make it. Well...looks like I'm drifting off into imagination here, so let me snap myself back to reality. So yeah, a guy who has discernment can decide well based on his priorities.

To end this post, I shall write a simple note to the guy I'm looking for. (When I say simple, I mean it.)

picture by Martin Gommel

Hi darling :)

I'm Debra. I hope you like my name, because my dad chose it especially for me. I currently have a love-hate relationship with it but I'm learning to like it. Please use it liberally! I love it when you say my name, even though I don't know what's your name and how you sound like. I hope we both are crazy about God first then to each other, and that we both can serve Him together as a team...although right now I'm not sure where He's calling me yet. I know you are not going to be my knight in shining armour, or a Prince Charming, but I want you to be a living person who is strong, yet unafraid to be vulnerable with me. It's all right if we mess up...we'll hold each other tight and try to make art out of the mess. I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know you in a deep and personal way. I hope that I can meet you soon, when God tells me that I'm ready for you.

Until we meet again, love.

Twenty Thirteen Resolutions :)

Beautiful Penang Bridge view from Chew Jetty is the backdrop of this poster...

the stuff that comes out when one fools around with Photoshop :)

It's 2013 which means:

2012 and its bittersweet memories are things of the past. Nice to ponder and reflect on, but already history. Which means that it's moving on time.

I'm turning 21 this year. Funny how I looked forward to turning 21 for ages when I was a teenager but once it comes, I don't want to grow anymore... Peter Pan syndrome at work here. But hey, life goes on so it's gonna be a journey of growth this year. Technically though, I'm still 'underage' until August so...haha, here's to enjoying the remaining 8 months of non-adulthood while it lasts ;) But most importantly...

...time for New Years' resolutions! I'll follow up on Resolutions 2012 in a following post but now, I shall reveal the four stuff I'm gonna attempt to do this year, as well as the steps that I'm going about to achieve it.

Resolution #1 for 2013: follow the One Year Bible (OYB) reading plan betul-betul this year. From Genesis to Revelation!

Last year, my dad kick-started this plan of reading the entire Bible in a year in our church. A faithful crowd of about 10 joined in and emailed, discussed, delved into every portion of God's word. As his daughter, I tried to follow...but there were stretches where laziness and forgetfulness got the better hand and I stopped reading. This year, I'm going to try again.

Relationships are important to me and I chose this resolution to improve my Relationship of relationships - the one with my Father in heaven. I seek to encounter God this year and make Him even more real in my life,  even as He has reached out to me through people, through words that were given to me, and through life's experiences. This is just a small thing that I can do, to be willful and disciplined into putting effort into knowing Him. :)

Practical stuff: I'm going to journal my readings in 750words or in written journals (on days there is no Internet connection) and reflect on them weekly to my mentor(s) and friends when applicable. And contribute to the NCA OYB email group as well from time to time (if there is insight to share).

pic taken by Hartwig HKD

Resolution #2 for 2013: become more involved in people's lives and think about them more often rather than focusing on myself.

First practical move: I'm not going to advertise my blog posts on Facebook anymore after today's post, unless it involves subjects of public interest (such as study notes or current issues). I'll just tell friends that the blog is updated and they can read it whenever they are free :)

Anyway. I use too much ''I'' in conversations, in my thoughts, and in relating to others (i.e what can others do for me?). This year, even though it's hard, I'm going to slowly include other people in my thoughts as well, not thoughts about how to please them but about how to reach out to them, make them feel better, and enhance the relationship between us. I want to reach a level where others are on my mind more often than myself and all my needs. It's very hard to do, given the human nature of being selfish, but I want to do it because I know that life comes from giving to others.

My own needs? I will honestly acknowledge them but try to get over them as soon as possible. As for worries and thoughts about the future, I will commit them to God whenever they pop up. This resolution is a very big step ahead, but the rewards of loving are great, and I want my life to count for something and matter in the long run.

Practical stuff: In addition to reading the Bible, I will pray about my needs and known needs of others. And then during the day, when I relate to the people around me, as unnatural as it feels now I will try to ask questions about them more than talk about myself so that I can know what is going on in other people's lives. In the beginning stages I might not ask much because I know not much, so I'm not going to feign interest, but let it develop as time passes by.

Diving pic by Hani Amir; mike pic by Darwin Bell; bike pic by Kivanc Nis;
bass pic by Chang Liu and car pic by Zitona.
Pictures not altered in any way in the compilation of this collage.

Resolution #3 for 2013: learn swimming, cycling, playing the bass guitar and (maybe) singing, and be able to drive confidently.

These activities are either skills that I have yet to master or things that I have gave up halfway. While I am still in my prime and in a place where opportunity abounds, I wish to improve my skills on these and become a more well-rounded person. But in the past year I've been quite passive in developing these skills. Which means that I need to ask around a lot to find people who can teach me stuff.

Practical stuff: Ask around a lot until I find tutors for these. Driving - find a refresher class in Penang for my 2nd semester here.

pic by Thomas Hawk

Resolution #4 for 2013: take a picture a day and journal about it.

The whole point of this resolution can be summarized in a word: Memories.

Memories to keep, to cherish, to hold. If a moment isn't captured, it's going to be forgotten. Life is short, so it needs to be lived well. And by looking back at each day, I am reminded, refreshed, and energized for the next day.

Practical stuff: Joined the 365 project. My pics are going to be updated on the blog - check out the 365/2013 page link at the left hand side of the blog - and occasionally on Twitter as well :)

I've added a 5th recently, it speaks for itself:

Before this, I'd avoid guys. Because I didn't know how to talk to them. If a guy was nicer than usual to me, especially in my teen years, I'd develop crushes easily. Now, I desire mature friendships. As for the whole dating/boyfriend/future husband thing...that'll be another post all together.