Craving The Spotlight: The Popularity Trap (Part 2)

A side note before Part 2 of this series on popularity: (do scroll down to read the post after this)

-I'm back! These few days have been kind of busy, but now with mid-year MUET out of the way, I'm more free to blog today. Besides, I did mention on FB that I will blog either yesterday or today. Here I am, guys :) By the way, as I promised earlier, I have updated my MUET speaking post (scroll down all the way to the end there) and have posted the actual question that came out (there were many questions, I'm just posting the one that our group got) in this year's exam, and I'll be posting not just the speaking question but the writing one as well. To all future MUET candidates, happy practicing!

Now for the actual post.

I've always wanted to be noticed since young.

Since young, I'd always loved the spotlight, and the fact that I was naturally able to learn fast made attention easy to come by. Even in kindergarten, my love for being noticed showed. I got 1st place in the entire school when we were about to graduate to primary school a year after. The principal promptly gave me a nicely wrapped stationary set in front of all the students and teachers. I was really floating in the air then. Don't get me mistaken here, it's not that I purposely do well in my studies to get attention, but the fact that I can study has made attention seeking easier.

Long story short, in the first two years in every school that I was in (before Form Six that is, I'm glad that I didn't make that mistake now) I was sensitive enough to identify the queen bees of the school -- you know, the ones who are adored by everyone in the school. They're the outspoken ones, the talented ones, the ones who just know the right things to say to the right time. Even though I used to think that these girls were snobs, but now I believe that I thought so due to pure envy and that they just so happen to have appealing personalities that many people look up to. Being so desperate for attention but timid at the same time, I tried my best to get the attention of such people, but most of the time these people just either ignored me or were friendly to me, but didn't consider me as part of them. 

I now realize that many of the friends that I attract naturally are for the most part down to earth, friendly, and even though they may not be the ones that are always the center of attention, loud and make people swoon, in close observation they have a close-knitted group of friends and many of them are respected for their principles by the others around them. 

However, I made the mistake, more than once, to disregard or not pay too much attention to these quality, potential best friends, as I thought that they won't help me climb up the social ladder, in pursuit of the popular. In the end, not only did I lose good friends due to this choosiness that I'd practiced in relationships, but also not gain the friendship of those who I so desperately tried to please, just like that Malay saying: yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong berciciran. It was a real lose-lose situation, and I walked away after all the drama rejected and school life just became a tad bit lonelier.

Chasing popularity was what ate me up inside through my school years. It made me envious, made me covetous, made me unfocused, uncaring, and I took people for granted while always looking out for my own interests, and made me hurt the hearts of others around me, and in the end, caused me unnecessary misery.

So, to you who are reading this short yet honest confessions of an ex-queen bee wannabe, here's a sincere message from me to you: The glamour, the pride, and the 'high' that you get from being identified with the popular won't last, because what's most important is whether they will be there for you and whether you have the heart to do likewise, and only time and investment in people's lives will tell whether people truly care and bring out the best in you. The best friends that you can have is those who will accept you no matter if you are loud or quiet; vocal or reserved; weird or serious; those who, even though they may love different colours of the rainbow and prefer vanilla while you prefer chocolate, still are willing to share their joys and tears with you.

So no matter how tempting, how tempting it is to ditch those who really matter to you with those who everyone wants to be with, but may or may not care about you as much, please consider what you are going to lose in the process. For me, I lost everything that mattered to me in a friendship. Please, think about what is  more important in the long run: social mileage and power (and all the drama and scuffles that may come with it), or the trust and genuine concern of true friends?

I've learned that it's okay, even natural to like to be in the spotlight, as that is the natural character trait of some people (ironically, that includes me too -- my extroverted part is hidden under wraps often, as when you contrast the girl you see in real life with my non face-to-face alter egos such as Facebook), but making it the consuming aim, as a measure to measure how successful one is, will do more damage than good.

Good night :)