No Regrets

Argh...sometimes I just wanna slam my head on the bed...
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"Did I do good enough?"

How often do you ask yourself that question? Be very honest!

I know I just did after I came back from Genting Highlands recently, mainly because I chickened out of many of the rides and screamed and cried my way through others. I felt adventurous at first, but just can't get a hold of the rides because you can't control what happens to you and are at the mercy of a machine and your adrenalin. After I went on one of them, I felt like either I needed to laugh hysterically or cry, and I chose to cry. (Nice way to explain thrill-o-phobia, missy.)

Back to the topic: At the end of every event, every trip, every journey - do you find yourself reviewing how well it went and how you did, instantaneously creating a fictitious report card on your "performance"?

I'm not just talking about real performances such as singing on stage or giving a speech (though I'd always review myself to the most minute of details if I were to do the two aforementioned things) but also the things we view as successes: getting good results, getting a promotion, being accepted (or rejected) for a scholarship offer, making friends, the outcome of telling someone that you like them, being complimented by parents and family members, organizing (or even just attending) a trip. And I've got to tell you: I review myself on every single one of the criteria that I just mentioned, more than once for each!

Maybe it's perfectionism; maybe it's personality, but what I know for sure is that every time something is done that computer up there will auto-run a 'self-review' program, asking me almost auto-generated questions such as:

• On a scale of 1 to 10, how much did you enjoy yourself?
• Did everyone else like the event?
• Did everyone enjoy the performance that you did?
• Did you achieve all the goals that you wanted to achieve?
• Did your relationship with someone improve?
• Did you make a good impression on anyone, especially those whom you like?

And the list goes on and on. It just can't stop, as once I somehow manage to satisfactorily answer one question another new one pops up and continues to boggle my mind, demanding that my worth be placed on how well I can answer.

"If only" becomes the most common word in my vocabulary over and over again.

The stream of reviews in my head, even when allowing reflection and opportunity to see how my effort (or the lack of it thereof) pays off, but it also does admittedly make every step of each journey just that tad-bit more depressing, as I can't meet my own high standards.

While obsessively reviewing myself searching for flaws, like what some do while in front of mirrors. How often can one look into the mirror and say that you like what you see in there, or even to say that you accept that reflection, with its imperfections, handicaps, and all?

Constant reviewing brings memories...but regrets, too!
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I've learned that there are milestones on every journey, big and small, and that I need to acknowledge them and give them credit. Even out of failures, there are valuable lessons to learn; even out of successes, there are things that can be improved on. If only this rationale comes to mind every time I fall and feel like giving up on stuff, I'd live with no regrets.

In fact, every journey has no regrets, as there's always something to be learned out of it. :)

Looking back, there's always something to learn from every experience.
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There's always the hope of doing better in the future, making each milestone a step closer.
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Images taken from: (1), (2), (3), (4)