Good Things Are Happening

picture by Jason Samfield

"Long time no post already" is a cliche statement that I use too often to justify the days where there was time, but I was too lazy and/or emo to post anything. (Ironic, since people normally blog when they are emo, kan.)

Anyway, before I get distracted again...

The above statement was spoken by a mentor of mine when I called her up and told her about the things that were happening during the first two months that I was in USM. Yes, assignments started taking a turn for more, practices for Jazz Band were amped up as the concert was approaching (I was still supposed to be playing for the concert then) and there are still so many new things that I am trying to get adjusted to, but new friends have enriched my life like no other has done before, and I was exploring so many new opportunities. I felt good.

Just weeks later, it felt like I stumbled across multiple rocky paths. The patterns beneath my proverbial shoes are wearing out as I was faced with decisions that had to be made. I knew that the way certain things were going on then, if I let them carry on the way it is, will lead me to emotional ruin as I give in to certain things. Now if it seems like I'm going in circles here, it is because I need to keep the details of certain things confidential to myself, God and a few trusted friends. But what I can share, and what I hope you, my reader, can see, is that good things can happen even when they don't seem like good things.

I've always had the need to be desired by people I love, the desire to be noticed for what I do, struggles that involved putting a few people on pedestals and where in the past I used to let them fester sometimes to the point of obsession; and always needing continuous reassurance of my worth. In a nutshell, my biggest thorn in the flesh is insecurity - probably implied that here like a million times already. But God is patient with me, and right now I'm on the road of healing and growth.

After 9 years of pedestal-putting, I did what was never done before - stopped a potential case in its tracks, cold turkey. They say confession is good for the soul, and honesty stopped yet another vicious cycle from happening and saved me from going down 'that lane' again, but honesty brings inevitable hurt, where false dreams and hopes needed to be torn down and burned. They brought temporary happiness, but it was illusory. 

Where the desire for glory reared its persistent yet ugly head as I discovered music, I decided to choose roles where I was vital and that I liked, yet in the background - because I knew I wanted the spotlight so badly that things would turn ugly should the light really shine on me - or someone else, that which is usually the case - and then I get all envious and tensed up and then I cannot sincerely appreciate the other person because of feelings of inferiority.

When I learned that as a suspected aspie, I am wired differently from other people in a significant way, and all of a sudden it feels like social disability - where I need to be shown that no, it doesn't affect what I was meant to do, just the how of going about it.

When decisions are put up like multiple platters on a menu and presented in front of me, and time is ticking, I had to decide. As I reflect on decisions that I've made recently, I felt peace that they were indeed the right things to do, but the right things are hard things, and I find myself every now and then pining and poring over whether I should have made those choices in the first place because the aftermath isn't what I feel like it.

But despite all this, I find that in times where there is no false hope that can be put in people or things, is where I run to God and just let Him heal my wounds, and in the whole process I grow, and learn.

I rest in the fact that God indeed refines those he loves, and when removed from the fire one is purer than before, having all impurities burned away before that. The hurt I experience in making decisions is what would make me bloom like a flower in the spring after the winter, and from a girl, becoming a woman; from a shallow idealist, to a genuine yet positive realist; from hopelessly insecure and inhibited to the rain dancer that rejoices in the fact that she is indeed loved, and loved deeply indeed. 

picture by Shanon Wise

Just so you know, that's why I changed the name of the blog. To reflect this very journey of healing and growth.

And I can say with confidence that good things are indeed happening to me right now.

:)

A Short Note Regarding The Study Series

Dear readers,

Update 8/12/13: All STPM-related notes that used to be on this blog have been archived on Scribd (link to all my notes here). They have been deleted from the blog because I can no longer comment on them. Besides, it's not nice leaving outdated stuff around to confuse people.

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Last year, I posted a collection of my own notes on the STPM subjects Pengajian Am and Mikroekonomi. I understand from my own observation that that section is what probably brought you here in the first place (unless you know me personally, then you'd read all the other stuff).

I'm glad that the notes has helped many people. But I want to stress today that as an STPM 2011 student, these notes are a year old. Currently I'm pursuing undergraduate studies in USM in the field of communications so faham-faham je la, I no longer am exposed to these subjects like I was used to.

I am contemplating deleting them all due to the fact that the notes are outdated by a year. If you want to ask questions regarding the current syllabus, etc...go ask your teacher. Or read teachers' blogs. If it is imperative that you tell me that I drew my graph the wrong way, places my labels wrongly or that I am making this mistake and that mistake then...I'm sorry, I didn't intend to.

All the stuff that I posted up here were graded by the teachers in my school before posting (because they were my assignments, haha) and was correct at the time of publication, according to the syllabus that was taught in my school at that time. If your teacher taught otherwise, then follow what he/she says. I'm just a student, so my authority is definitely less than teacher(s). Please DON'T follow blindly what I do and then blame me if your teacher says it is wrong. Thank you.

Expectations

picture by Pink Sherbet Photography

Have you ever felt empty?

Most of the time I bet you wouldn't. In fact, life is moving - and it's moving pretty fast, pretty furious. Life, is good.

But there are those times where everything just stood still. There's this sci-fic movie called "The Day The Earth Stood Still" some years back right? Ah. Random thought there.

Anyway.

Just had one of these kind of days today. I woke up drowsily from a bad bout of common cold, and it was a lazy day as classes were mostly cancelled. Broke my fast from Facebook and looked at all the notifications (about 40 of them) and just browsed. Nice pictures...funny statuses. But they all seemed lifeless where there once was a sense of connecting. It's like it finally dawned upon me that Facebook connections are so surreal. Where's the real sense of fellowship? Is anyone listening, and am I really reaching out? Barely. Perhaps the fast has actually knocked some sense into me.

I've been having some dilemmas recently that made me reflect for the past 3 days. 

Firstly, there's this heightened feeling of detachment from reality that haunts me. In reality, I know that many people love me and care for me, but when I'm in my room all alone and everyone's out and about, and even when I'm in a hall full of people and all around me are the sounds of chattering and merry making - I feel an aching sense of loneliness. Maybe I miss home, maybe I should just talk to someone. Recently posted on Facebook that I missed the feeling of hugging someone, and got all sorts of responses from friends. But all this cannot heal the hurt that surfaces itself every now and then. It could be the fact that there's this very recent revelation about the way I'm wired - which until today I'm still trying to accept and define myself by (There are people that I've told about this. Thank God for loving sisters and brothers that are there - surely God's way of comforting me in a supposed storm) 

Then, there's someone that I've been really liking for a while now (again, some people close to me know more about this but I won't talk too much about it here), but somehow I just know this is yet another case of infatuation - mainly because it's not the first time I've fallen for someone with that similar set of characteristics, and through an aching yet confirming sense of intuition as well as my observations from real life, I know it is yet another 'tak jadi' case - at least for now maybe - but who am I trying to kid. Even this kind of so called 'youthful wonder' feelings can slowly hurt me inside as hopes and dreams are dashed with reality. Oh, how nice is the feeling of being reassured, loved, and paid attention to...even if it only exists in my heightened imagination! I tell myself that I must forget, I must move on...but honestly it's really hard to get over it. What is a small thing for most people is a big deal for me, because all this while I struggle to be wanted by other people. Badly. And that is dangerous.

My assignments are catching up with me. Reading the textbooks are still okay but I wonder how on earth am I supposed to remember all that...and translate it into Malay, which while I respect and acknowledge as important to learn as a language, still baffles me until today. (Maybe I should write my next blog post in BM or Mandarin to train myself. Haha...)

Okay, since I'm losing the mood to write for now, I'm going to let this sit for a bit. Thank God for times of reflection. Right now I'm going to do what I'm supposed to be doing - continuing in activities that were planned for today. Meanwhile, for the weekend I'm going to take a real break (no distractions from above 3 categories) by listening, receiving and pouring out my heart to God at camp. And to brainstorm for stuff to write for the CF newsletter. And the two presentations next week. Taking a break now. Ciao :)

The Belle At The Ball: Dialogue on Insecurity

picture by Paolo Marconi

I'd always admire the belle at the ball.

It would be really nice if there were modern day balls, just like the ones that we hear about in fairy tales. The beautiful girl in the gown coming down the stairs with the most elegant thing that night, with all heads turned in her direction.

Then there was internal conversation.

Q: Ah, so this is what this is about, Deb? You want people to notice you. Again. And again. I wonder my dear, what is so wonderful about it anyway?

A: Uh, well, when you're a die hard introvert, and shy, but at the same time kinda vain, you'd want to break out of the 'nobody knows my name' syndrome that you think has plagued you for the past, uh, 20 years. Let the whole wide world know who you are.

Q: So okay, let's assume one day the whole wide world really knows who you are. Then what?

A: Then...I'd be happy. No need to worry what to say at parties anymore - everyone loves me already?

Q: Didn't you hear the saying "What good is there to gain the whole world but to lose your soul" before?

A: Hmm...but it's really awesome to be popular and liked for once!

Q: Then again, look at the way you go about doing it. You try too hard to make small talk that means nothing to you and act all cheesy like you're someone you're not. Isn't that hard work? Besides, even with a giggly posse with you (since that's what you want somehow), you're envious every time you see someone prettier, smarter, taking the attention away from you (apparently), etc. Doesn't it give you so much heartache, so much pressure, all self-afflicted? Sucks to be you. You're so insecure all the time.

A: I know, I know! But I'm still struggling. I can't shake the thought of wanting people to notice me there. It's like I feel so abnormal.

Q: Can't be happy in your own skin my dear? How sad. Why can't you just let loose? Let people know what are your favorite things, what makes you sing, act goofy for a change. Poke people, hug them (girls), share your life story with them, don't be too worried about burping and yawning (you think that makes you less ladylike so you do it discreetly all the time) You take too much care to present a picture perfect portrait of yourself in front there, so much so that people can't relate. Where is your human side? Do you want to get stuck in this rut forever?

A: Give me a guitar, my Bible, a journal and a week's fast from Facebook. I need to reflect and pray about this.

Meanwhile, to finish up the ball story...

Everyone sure did look at her...maybe for like 5 seconds? And then they went back to their own worlds. Besides the occasional compliment that she receives on her dress, everyone's dancing with their own partners and socializing with their own friends.

But then, the princess catches the attention of one.

Her prince. He is enraptured by not just her physical beauty - he wants her. To dance with, to spend time with, to sip drinks under the moonlight with. And she doesn't need anyone else's gaze to be happy.

picture by Stewart Baird

Hmm. How romantic. Are you talking about your future significant other? Maybe...but even his gaze would be sometimes averted. He's only human, so even though he'd try his very best, there will still be times where the girl at the stairs gets ignored -

(digression) since we're at the topic...I give you this? written two years ago, haha. I have some updated criteria though, will cerita soon ;D (end of digression)

At the end of my FB fast, I'll write down the ending to the story. And what I have learned about overcoming my insecurity. :)

USM: The First Two Weeks

pic by SamikRC

How's life in USM, you ask? To be frank, most of the time I feel like this:


My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me
'til then I walk alone

- Green Day, Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Okay, maybe not that emo as the rest of the song suggests, but I literally most of the time go places alone, because everyone has different schedules and things to do (which I'm trying to get used to). but I admit I feel lonely even in the midst of lots of people. It's not that I have no new friends or acquaintances - met many people during orientation week & have friends to hang out with, inviting me to events and places, but everything is still unfamiliar. As nice as Penang gets, my heart is basically still in Puchong & Sri Petaling.

I lost my bearings for a bit - 2 weeks of routine overhaul is a lot of stimuli for me to adjust to and the fact that I'm somewhat introverted - a trait I'm still struggling to accept - makes me rummage through all the activities and times to redefine myself.

A change of spoken language daily - one of my senior friends mentioned that my spoken English now has a Chinese slang, thanks to speaking Mandarin 90% of the time I'm here (I'm not implying it's bad - in fact I need the practice before I forget the language back in Puchong) while at home it was 90% English. I lost count of how many times I told some new friend that I speak Mandarin (to make them feel more comfortable when talking to me) which usually catches people by surprise, haha. Made friends from other races as well in the Pimpin Siswa camp but still need to make more as to balance my friend base :D And what about my Indian side? It needs some serious stimulation. I want to be a Chindian, not just a Chinese - to be true to my roots. (Maybe I should take up Tamil?)

Two weeks of no church and I slightly waver in my faith stand - I used to be super involved with er, almost everything at church back home and knowing almost everyone from the kiddies to the senior citizens in church (20 years there), and now I'm a visitor to new churches and even singing familiar songs weird - it's just too new an experience here. The seniors are very nice though and pretty much trying their best to make us (the first years) welcome here (Thanks!) I find myself contemplating the internal questions Do you need familiarity, hype, and people to worship God? Can't you be yourself? countless times.

Studies? With assignments already given during the first week, I wonder how to cope. I used to be a last minute adrenaline rush study type but I don't think that will work well here. Already changed subjects 3 times because some subjects not offered yet la, can't take la... bureaucracy makes me pening kepala sometimes haha. And the textbooks are even thicker than the form 6 ones, they're mostly in English but most exams are in Malay (looks like I have to take a translation course too lol) and lastly finances - need to keep track. Period. Money is limited to allowance again, unlike the past few months where I had the harvest of working part time with excess.

Well, I'm learning to cope with this new life and I hope to settle better soon :) Pics and more actual experiences in the next post...

Notice II

Sorry for being MIA for so long...trying to get used to USM haha :)

I'll update this blog by today afternoon or tomorrow, stay tuned...

Pre-U(ni) Part V: September Is Coming

picture by Gilderic Photography

These days nostalagia seems to get the better of me.

When I wake up every morning and go to sleep each night, I feel more appreciative of my bed, its fluffy pillows, and the bolster that I hug all the time. To think that I'm moving to possibly hard mattresses and a lack of belonging (tons of people have slept on hostel beds before...), with rumors of bugs like these crawling about...

So comfortable...picture by somethingstartedcrazy

When I go to familiar places, realizing that I'm only coming back every once in a while and that being a fastly developing town, many things in Puchong will change...hopefully can still find my way around next time...

When I meet familiar faces and scenarios, knowing that what used to be getting together often becomes more scarce, and meaningful, as well as the lingering question of whether we'll all still keep in touch after that.

Friends come in all colours and faces...picture by Neal Fowler

When knowing that a bunny's lifespan is about 8-10 years and Poofy is already 8 this year...everytime I come home I'm not sure whether he will be still there hopping and begging around. I sure hope he's a teenage   bunny :)

Poofy :D (pic by me)

When even the nicest food in food paradise will still make me miss grandma's chicken paratel and dhal curry...what about Grandma herself? How will she be? I think I just might miss the seemingly mundane things that I normally ignore or take for granted: Grandma's singing every morning, Mom's advice and her being funny, my sis just being...my sis, and maybe even my dad's lectures (!)

I'm afraid of my independence - can I pull it off? Can I become a healthier, more fit person with less flab and more stamina (not to mention better eating...food is a weakness, yikes!), make lots of great friends (both girls and guys), develop relationships that are beyond surface level, learn not just to pass exams (and understand why I'm getting an education in the first place), and learn something out of all this?

September is coming...picture by Masaaki Miyara

As the days draw near, tips and information from the school (and the seniors) increase, stuff on my shopping list are ticked and time spent in this place I called home is mere days, sometimes I want to stay here, where everything is familiar. Funny that I used to feel slightly envious of people leaving for far away - they have farewells and get-togethers for them, but right now I think I know why (they need all the support they can get as they're making a big leap in life)

But I think communal bathrooms, staying with people from all over the country and living independently now is part of God's training of me, to become mature and prepared for the challenging world of adulthood. I don't think I can sleep much this September, but this life is dynamic and I'm prepared to live it. :)

Life is a journey...picture by joeri-c

To all friends and readers who are leaving for your respective unis next month, all the best in uni life guys! Let's all take a deep breath and then plunge into this next major chapter of our lives. :)

Pre-U(ni) Part IV: Results :)

pic by Johnny Vulkan

These past few months, and especially the past few days, were rather impatient 'twilight zones' where all I did was basically wait...and wait...and wait somemore until geram already. Impatience is a real pain in the neck, I would say. And loved ones were asking and hoping with me.

Then on last Friday, the 13th, it came out. Rather unexpectedly, as I only knew the date a day before that. (Also good as there wasn't too agonizing a wait there.)

And in the end, God gave me my 1st choice. Mass Comm in USM, Penang, which is a 5-hour bus ride from home. Registration is on the 1st of September so I'll be leaving KL about 1-3 days before that, so 25th and 26th August would be the last weekend here.

Many of my fellow form 6-ers from SMKP also got into various unis across Malaysia, with a significant number of them crossing the peninsula to Sabah and Sarawak. They probably could have mini-gatherings there. But I really hope we can all meet up before migrating to the different states in the country. I'm still spamming FB for the results of my old friends from SMKPBP.


As much as I'd think that this was smart planning on my side or that I somehow managed to impress the lecturer, I sincerely believe that God willed this university to be the best place where I can grow and learn for the next 4 years.

I still am coming to grips with the fact that I have been given a place far enough for me to be independent like I've always wanted as well as develop my principles as a person apart from upbringing, but close enough for accountability by loved ones and getting to know new friends and acquaintances. Not to mention the green campus, which I like so far and got a glimpse of during my interview there and the food. Ah, food. Mostly cheap and good. Better practice being athletic and in shape from now on before gaining another 10 pounds like everyone warned, haha :D

So the academic schedule for the next year, taken from here, is as below: (click to enlarge)

The preparation stage has thus begun. And I'm gonna move out of the house for like, 4 years? Even with breaks it still feels like a lifetime. And  I have never left home for more than a week tops before. This is going to take some serious getting used to. There are like a 101 questions in my head even as I am writing this.


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Random intermission: Pics of Penang from the web! (I will take my own pics once I'm there :))

The uni...

USM Entrance, Sg. Dua. Pic from here.

Penang bridge: Day/Night

pic by Dennis Yu

pic by IRRI Images

Food :)

pic by Vincent Yong

Hawker fare - pic by Hector Hurtado

Beach~

pic by Schristia

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The more important concerns that I have are relating to my studies, socializing, and my faith.

Studies: My STPM results were a wake up call that once SPM is over, so are the so-called easy As, spot questions, tips and etc. And now we study because we want to, not because it is compulsory. I can choose to skip class and take it easy, or overstress myself with assignments, or through trial-and-error experiences come up with a way to balance studying and playing time (which is easier said than done)

Socializing: Tough one for me. So far I've been slow in this area...afraid of making new friends due to fear of rejection. Time to embrace my inner introvert and stop trying to please everyone, instead focus on one at a time. And forget about jaga muka and all that. Note to self: Please eat humble pie. If I can make friends well then the next 4 years are going to be awesome. So many interesting people :D

Faith: This one is also tough in the sense that I'm on my own and need to ask myself hard questions about what is it that I actually believe. No more going to church because my parents are elders - it's my choice now. And will I find mentors there just like I have here? Can I acknowledge and grow stronger in my faith? This requires a lot of thorough soul searching...

Part V (coming soon) will be the last part in this series, and will be a telling of the specific preparations to be made before I leave. This is a lot to digest, lol.

PS. If you came across this blog and are were also accepted to USM this year, leave a comment! :) Good to know who our uni-mates, coursemates will be...as well as prepare for the next 4 years together.

How to Get A Band 6 in MUET - And a Little On Learning

Picture by Fransisco Martins

Warning: This post may not be what you expected it to be. It describes the philosophy behind how I got the band instead of being a school-ish guide. For the specific kinda guide, go here or here. If you still want to know my thoughts...read on.

Today is probably gonna be my last form-6 related study post, so I'm gonna answer the question that many people have asked me and I have yet to give a consistent answer (so far).

And I truly believe that this technique can be used to improve any other language as well, with modifications of course.

Almost a year after I got my results, now I've managed to distill my answer in a single sentence -

Don't study English, you - use it.

Which means you read it, write it, speak it, listen to it - both inside and outside class. In daily life.

Simple statement that is easier said than done...but once it's done, it's easier to grasp the nuances of the language that a mere 'studier' will not understand.

Repeat that like a mantra again and again until you got it. Okay? Okay. Just kidding on that mantra part.

I realized that technique early in life while learning the Chinese language - alas, it took 3 1/2 years for me to get it in my head. The fear of sounding wrong, which is the biggest barrier to learning in my opinion, made me an English speaker in a Chinese school (it's not something I or my teachers were proud of) until I actually, for the sake of surviving and making friends, started speaking Chinese. Even though my pronunciation was all over the place for the first few months or so, there was this time where the barrier just broke and fluency came after that.

It worked when practicing the piano with two hands.

It worked when I first learned to skip with a skipping rope.

It worked when I finally managed to play my C and D chords on the guitar properly. (That alone took an entire year, by the way.)

Using a language in real life (i.e talking to friends, writing journals etc) is harder than burning midnight lamps studying grammar books...but it's also more fun.

Picture by Brian Hathcock

When you study something, it gets in your head but if you don't make it part of your daily life, you will soon forget it the moment exams are over. That's what most adults probably mean when they say they gave back (name the subject) to their teachers years ago. To get good at something you need to have a reason for using it. In the case of learning English or any language for that matter, it is improving your communication and socialization skills in the real world, enabling you to reach out to more people. Effective communication in many language also makes stuff get done faster, better, and in a more creative matter.

Got it?

If you want a step-by-step manual on how to do well in your MUET (or any other exam), I can't put it in a single blog post nor proclaim to be an expert on it (which is why this post isn't MUET 101). After all, what worked for me (refer to this post and this post) may not work for you. For that I'd have to say, get to know yourself and how you learn, and then work from there.

As for the specific kinda questions...feel free to leave a comment here, and I'll see how I can help. (Do double check with your teacher though, I have left school for more that half a year at this time of writing and may not be acquainted with the latest exam formats.)

PS. I still have chapters 9-12 of Mikro posts unposted in my Draft folder...but since I already gave away my textbooks, I can't get a reliable source to confirm my postings, so I'll bestow that honor to the next generation of sixers (who wants to take up that challenge). This really is my last STPM-related post, since I'm moving on to a new stage in life. :)

PPS. If you know me well enough to read between the lines to realize that I'm supposed to be working now - well, I was summoned out of the office for carrying the flu bug. If a flu is what makes me blog, well...

Pre-U(ni) Part III: Waiting

picture by Gilderic Photography

Part I and Part II here.

Chapter 4: Calendar-watching.

Isn't it funny how time flies when you feel good and am doing something you love - whether it's hanging out with friends, enjoying a good meal, and listening to your favorite tunes? But when life is routine, time crawls. In fact, sometimes I feel it just sits there - "What, it's still 11a.m.?"

Basically I have a routine that repeats itself every weekday:

7.30am - wake up (when I really feel like sleeping)

8am - breakfast, get ready for work

8.20am - leave for office

8.30am - start work

1pm - lunch

2pm - continue work

6pm - go home

7pm - freshen up, dinner

8pm - surf web/read (except for Fridays where there's either prayer meet or cell group)

11pm - sleep (when I really feel like staying up longer)

What a life, isn't it? Being adult is so fun. Yay. I mean, working is okay but it's not as free as school life.

If you are still studying, heed this: Once you start working, you'll miss school. Real bad. I know, you can't wait for the day where no more teachers tell you what to do, you can wear any hairdo you want or have the money to buy whatever you fancy. Sure, you get all that, but with great freedom comes great responsibility. Get all that and you are still mostly subject to the instruction of your manager/supervisor/boss (unless you open your business at a young age, but that comes with its own set of risks), giving respect to the senior colleagues (for some reason when you're young people will always slap that 'not experienced like us' tag on us and may discount your opinion), office politics, paying bills to live by and etc. And when you're mad or sad, expressing your opinions too brashly may result in you losing your rice bowl. (The above was what my parents and my colleagues advice me while I'm working, except the miss school part. That was me!)

Which is why I can't wait till September. To sit in a class again. To absorb knowledge again. To once again, and for the last time formally (masters is a maybe in the future but for now it's uncertain), to be a student and be relieved of 'working adult' responsibilities - irony being that uni students from their 2nd year onward are legally adult. People tell me that college years are the best years of one's life, so one must live it well.

I often wonder what's so good in waiting. Can't we just fast forward? Maybe God's trying to teach me to be patient, and to learn from whatever experiences I have now, even though they may be small and I may just miss it 'round the corner. Guess that's life's seasons - sometimes they're mountains, sometimes they're valleys.

Pre-U(ni) Part II: USM & UM Interviews

picture by Emma

Part 1 here.

Chapter 3: Presenting to the panels


Well...I didn't expect to get any interview when filling up the application forms 2 months ago...thought it was a 'sit-and-wait-until-June' exercise, so much so that momentarily I forgot that I was a student and immersed myself in the working world girl identity.

However, miracles happened and I'm grateful for these miracles. (And thought like a student again.)


I got two interviews, back-to-back in the same week: USM Mass Communications on 2nd May and UM Linguistics in English on 4th May. Both started at 8.30 am and ended in an hours' time after that (because for both interviews I was among the very first batch to be interviewed, among the first faces the panelists saw :D)

Here's what happened, presented in a Q&A format (for some variety):

Communication Studies Center, USM

USM

Q: How did you get to Penang?

A: In a bus. A nice bus, I may add. The Aeroline pick-up point/booking office where the journey would begin is in Sunway Pyramid, which is 15 minutes away from where I live, and it's by far the most comfortable/luxurious bus that I've been in. Here's some pics that I took of the various facilities there:

...and this is what it costs for all that luxury. Worth it though :)

Q: Did you go with your family or all alone?

A: With my grandmother - my mom's hometown is in Bukit Mertajam so my interview trip was also a 'balik kampung' trip-not to mention savings for accommodation ;)

Q: How does one get to USM, anyway?

A: The route is surprisingly direct - after crossing the Penang Bridge just follow the signboards that has 'USM' on it and voila, within 5 minutes you're there.

view of the sea from Penang bridge

Q: Where was the place of the interview?

A: Communication Studies Center. From the Batu Uban entrance, go straight at the first roundabout and turn left after CIMB Bank. (Yay, banking at my doorstep!)

Q: What was the procedure of the interview?

A: Before it started there was a place for everyone to wait outside the building. Then at 8.30, everyone lined up to register according to the position of their names in the name lists displayed. There were 4 tables assigned according to the lists.

I was in list D.

After registering, candidates were assigned to groups of three at a time. Once our turn came, we were called by the staff on duty and led to a waiting area outside the interview rooms, where the respective panels were preparing for the session. When everything was ready, they called us in for the interview, which was about 10 minutes. Then, we were free to leave.

Q: What kind of questions were asked?

A: As far as I can remember:
- The first question was to introduce ourselves according to a prepared order (there was this paper that was stuck to the table): name, results, academic background, why choose the university/course, etc.

- other questions (I'm giving examples of one of each) asked included general questions - "How big is Malaysia's population?", questions regarding the uni/course - "What do you know about the course?" hobbies - "what is your talent" and current issues "what was the last book you read"? "What media do you watch/read?"

- the last question was "Why should I/we choose you?"

Q: Any advice you want to give from your experience?

A: - If the language of expression is not stated, feel free to answer in either BM or English, but when specified, answer in the language asked.
- Try not to be so kam cheong...
- When introducing yourself, say as much as possible relating to your interest in the course. I regret a little that there were many things that I could have said to strengthen my 'hujah' but I left it out (due to nervousness)
- USM was found in 1969, not 1979. If unsure, say so. I was actually unsure between the two years but sticked to one answer...which was the wrong one. Silly me.

Faculty of Language & Lingustics, UM

UM:


Q: How did you get to KL?

A: My dad fetched me there early in the morning.

Q: How does one get to UM, anyway?

A: There are many ways to get there but all had slow moving traffic on Friday morning. Thank God we reached there in time, though. From my place (Puchong) either taking the Federal Highway or Jalan Gasing through New Pantai Expressway will do.

Q: Where was the place of the interview?

A: The Faculty of Language & Linguistics, which is towards the back of the university (I'm speaking from the POV of the KL/main entrance. The PJ entrance is slightly nearer.)

This was one of the interview rooms. Took this while waiting ;D

Q: What was the procedure of the interview?

A: It took a while for me to find the room as specified in the interview offer letter but eventually I found it. Everyone was waiting in the room that looks like a slightly bigger version of a school APD room. At about 8.40 attendance was taken by the staff on duty, and our STPM and MUET results were double-checked. Then, batches of students were called to the waiting areas (four outside a room). 


Unlike my previous experience, this interview was individual (increased the nervousness factor there a little). The panelists would call you once it's your turn. After that we could return home.


Q: What kind of questions were asked?


A: As far as I can remember:
- The first question was to introduce ourselves. Freedom was given to how I could go about doing so.
- Then, they asked about my interests, and why would that relate to the course.
- Next was what I knew about the course.
- Then, I was asked about people/books that inspired me.
- Lastly, I was asked what were my plans with the degree - "What are you going to do with this degree in say, 5 years?" 


Q: Any advice you want to give from your experience?


A: -It's English linguistics, so everything was asked in English, which for me was easier since I didn't have to teragak-agak like when I try to speak proper BM (not the rojak kind that I speak with my friends all the time). I know for some people it could be harder or the other way round, so to them I'd say try your best even though it may not sound perfect.
- Watch your body language, for the panelists are sitting quite close to you. I hope I didn't twirl my hair or slouch too much...
- I'm glad I could rectify some of the 'mistakes' I did in my USM interview...nervousness diminishes with experience I guess?


PS. In UM just now there was another candidate with a very similar name to mine :) So when my name was called for the interview, I was amazed to find out I wasn't the only one standing...then I also saw these girls whom I recall seeing in USM too. Now why was I so shy to go up and say hello? Hmm maybe they'll be my coursemates in either course? Comm/Linguistics students have to be very thick face and brave one lar(speaking to myself)...anyway, right now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed in regards to both applications. 

Pre-U(ni): Applications & Munsyi

picture by Andreas Levers

Part 1 of the new Pre-U(ni) series.

Part 1

To be really frank, I'm not in the mood today to write singsong tales about stuff. However, as someone who likes to share my joys and pains with everyone (why I opened a blog in the first place) today I'm gonna share my bumpy uni application story :)

picture by Gabriella Camerotti

Chapter 1: The aftermath of STPM results day.

For the first few days you would have thought that we were holding a mourning service at our residence - what to do, former almost straight A student got her bubble bursted on one fateful day getting something that um, well, doesn't look like a string of As. I was especially affected because I thought getting good results was what made me worth something out there. Some people probably think I should know better. I didn't.

The reality is an A minus and 3 Bs but I felt like I got a blank paper with a big F on it. In my eyes I have failed. While everyone else celebrated their hard work I was weeping at home, with barely any scholarship that I can qualify for (it's weird how once you are regarded as a top student, you think you have a good chance of being a scholar).

The reality is that after results were made known, I reconsidered my course options, had many rather emotionally charged conversations with mostly family, and many opinions to ask of (making the normally malu bertanya self very uncomfortable but gotta ask means ask lo, even if I went with fear and trembling).

Long story short, I ended up with these courses, in order of choice, in select unis:

1) Mass comm
2) English linguistics
3) Econs
4) Management/HR/Business admin (each as 4th choice in different unis)

As for law...I decided to shelve it for now, because I wasn't in a good position to qualify well for law courses, and also because the nature of my job is something I can't get myself to be super duper passionate about. Who knows in the future there may be opportunities to take a 2nd degree/rekindled interest in law/etc? I'll leave that to the future, though.

picture by COCOEN daily photos

Chapter 2: Munsyi

Yes, I just gave it away: I applied to USM Penang. And everyone who wanted a place in there needs to take this compulsory personality test known as the Malaysian Selection Inventory Test, or Munsyi as it is commonly known.

What is Munsyi?
It's a 3 hour long, objective, personality test that sole objective is to determine how suited are you to the course(s) you choose in USM. When filling up the application form online, there is a section where you get to choose your test center for this test. I went to SMK Presint 14(1), Putrajaya.

And it's a huge school.

There were about 80 plus people there taking the test. We were waiting outside the exam hall before the exam started. The exam consists of a few sections where you indicate either yes/no answers or agree/disagree answers on a scale between 2 extremes (think questionnaire rather then exam and you get the idea ). I met 2 classmates from my former primary school there. I barely recognized them because they look so grown up and different, but we did manage to catch up :)

The questions are straightforward...yet they are tricky because often they ask you the same question in a slightly different manner. One of the parents who was talking with my mom while she was waiting for me said that maybe the questions are like that to test our consistency. Oh well, I can only speculate for now what is the criteria for selection.

picture by Glenn Waters

Prelude to chapter 3

Question: Did you apply for any courses that requires interviews?

Answer: Yes, 3 courses - 2 in USM and one in UM.

Question 2: When will you know if you get called back for interviews?

Answer 2: Actually, now is interview callback season. USM & UPU interviews have been open for checking this week (except UM which as of today states that interview checks can be conducted from Friday onwards).

Talking about it, I'm working on interview answers right now so that my trip to Penang on the 1st - 3rd May can be of the most benefit - and not just another vacation (sort of). I wonder what sort of questions will a Mass Comm professor/lecturer ask me? Well, whatever they are I better prepare. Ciao :D

Stuff Adults To Be Ask...And I Ponder (Often)

picture by Bernat Casero

Here's just a sampling:

Have you ever felt like your life is busy and occupied but yet you're still waiting for life to begin, to start happening for real?

Like you're all grown up now but you have yet to feel real independence...or the better word, emancipation? The freedom to choose, but more so the freedom to trust your own choices before every other voice around you drowns you in its magnetic pull?

Are you strong enough to survive in a dog-eat-dog world, where everyone steps on each other to get on top, yet remain true to your values without caving in?

Do you still carry your past around with you like extra flab than never goes off (unless you start working out like mad, that is) and am still trying to work through this?

Are you tired waiting? For the next offer, next promotion, next stage, that is coming but seems to take forever to be within reach? Why can't now itself be enjoyable?

Is it possible to have a 9 to 5 (or more) kind of desk job routine life and find fulfillment in all that you do? Really? Seems that the media stereotypes it as so boring, and sometimes one can almost buy it for real.

Do you wait for your rather routine life to have some meaning to it all? All this talk about career and passion and personality, has it brought you to a better understanding of yourself and people? How about your course/job?

Are you emotionally stable? Disciplined? Passionate about this blink in time called life?

Are you just moving from stage to stage in time, without feeling any significance about it or its purpose, at all?

Have you wondered if you can ever find true love? And do you have regrets?

Have you became?

*sometimes I wonder if I should have taken up philosophy instead, since I think so much and so deeply that my brain is so hyperactive it can explode. Then again, I'm laid back and rather lazy by nature, only driven at times that are rare yet so cherish-able. haha :D 

First time at an Education Fair :)

picture by Mosieur J.

It's the post-exam season and all the ex- SPM, Form 6 and A level students are deciding what courses they're gonna take. After a lot of sweat, tears, debating, praying and deliberation, I can say with some relief that I've chosen my courses for public universities. (More on that in my next post.) However, one always needs a plan B...in the event where either one would get a less preferred course/didn't get anything at all, there's still many private colleges to choose from. Taking advantage of increased college advertising in the week after SPM results were released and free admission :D, me and my Dad decided to take the plunge and find out what all the hype about education fairs was all about. Since there was no youth service on the 24th, off to Mid Valley we went to check out the Further Studies and Education Fair, Series 35.

 picture from doctorjob. Haha, you get the idea of how huge + crowded it was :D

PS. Note before posting: After an unannounced month of procrastinating from the blog, I'm back :) And for the missing 4 weeks there's gonna be 4 replacement blog posts, meaning at least 8 posts in April. Disciplined writing attempt for the win :D

When we were there, took like about 15-20 minutes to find parking, then another ten finding where the lift lobby was. Rusa masuk concrete jungle case here. 

After finding our bearings aka the lift lobby, it was pretty straightforward. The moment we arrived on the 3rd floor and saw a swarming crowd of looks-like-SPM-leavers all heading in one direction, we knew we were in the right place...

Walking into MVEC, the sheer size of the crowd overwhelmed me. The strategy that I thought of in my head previously about tapping college counselors' shoulders to ask in a mousy voice "Can I know more about your ... course?" vanished into thin air. To be honest, I got pretty tense and had to go outside for air. (Whoops, did I tell you that I get uncomfortable in massive crowds? One can feel so invisible in there, but disappearing was precisely what was on my mind then!)

Thank God Dad helped me. He said "Let me take the lead" and things got much smoother after that.

this pic was for The Star Edu Fair...similar layout just that the colleges all in different places. 

We went to the booths of college after college (okay, maybe just 6 colleges) asking the respective counselors about life in college, course information, transport and scholarship options etc. The counselors were different; some were friendly, some trying hard to sell their college, some laid back and chatty. There was this lecturer that was so honest and real with me that I'd to admit it was such a rare sight (I mean, he's supposed to promote his college!). He shared his own experience and even encouraged me to apply for public uni first to save my dad's hard earned cash. Now that's an educator. I have his name card (as well as some of the other counselors) so in the event the public uni reject me, got la some folks to call :D

Hmm, thoughts about the fair?

At a glance, it was mostly tailored for SPM leavers. It took a while for some of the colleges to find a counselor that can straight away tell me details on the degree courses. Most counselors there were tackling pre-u concerns, so if you're an SPM leaver and intend to find out more about particular course(s), this fair would be perfect for you :) We didn't come home empty handed though - we came home with advice, brochures, resources (especially from the Doctorjob booth giving away free mags for the first 500...we got'em xD) and contacts to put to good uses.

was here ftw :) sitting on the left with Dad in the front row. Career talks by doctorjob...this one is Ms. Michele Lam on career decisions.

PS. If you're blur all over and not sure which course you want at all(like me after SPM lol) then I would suggest you go for some counseling/psychological tests/advice from others first at least to get a general direction before going to such fairs. You may be absolutely clueless on what to do there (happened before, had experience with a college open day like that)

promo sikit :)

Working Life: Outfits (In Pictures)

Today I'll let the pictures tell their tales :)

What most girls are generally advised to wear for work:

picture source

Traditional pants suit - classy and professional.

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Don't these people look like...lawyers?

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Business casual suits - alternatives to the traditional pants suit.

What I would love to wear for work:

picture source - by AX Paris

Black dress with small polka dots - less ruffles would be better on me though (since I'm kinda short and rounded)

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Long-sleeved blouse with skirt (slight pleat/flare). I'd go for knee length though so that my hips don't look too big...

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Trench dress - Ever since doing that "Mission Impossible" project at church I've always missed looking like one chic spy. ;)

What I see people wear for work:

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Bat sleeves look really flattering on a lot of people - I guess that's because arms can look good in them (no visible arm flab! Yay!)

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Jumpsuits - I saw a beige, sleeved version with the pants section being a little shorter than above pic in a busy Bangkok subway train. Thai ladies know their fashion well I guess?

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White blouse with jeans - These I see everyday. And they always look good...

What I actually wear for work (these are the closest online equivalents I could find):

picture source - by Susy Harper


Knee-length denim skirt - One of the most versatile skirts in my wardrobe :)

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White blouse with ruffles - Smart, yet pretty enough - it's worlds away from my uniform blouse... ;)

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Black long-sleeved blouse with ribbon detail - I bought the actual one in Bangkok. Classy!

* Disclaimer: I own none of the outfits in the pictures above, except the last category where I use pics to represent what I have :)