Flashback :)

As I come back to this blog after so long...it's interesting to see how time has passed and how views and stuff that happened change so quickly.

In one of the previous posts I wrote about a so-called "million dollar topic" that frets every high school leaver in Malaysia: What to do after SPM? In that post I ranted about Form 6 Science, Arts, and A-levels, and college. Well, now I've made my choice: I'm in form 6 Arts now, doing the subjects that I initially thought I would find boring--economics, business studies, history. And I love studying 'em, because the new school environment is very nice (and cooling too, since it's in the middle of a village.) My teachers make "keluks" or graphs, equations, writing reports, and presentations (yup tons of that. kinda of like tutorials in college I heard, just that it's still er...school) fun...and my classmates? [heart'em. enough said.]

In that same post I also mentioned that in a new school there's less chance to stand out and contribute to the school...EEAAPP! So false actually. In a few short months, I felt like I've been able to contribute well in school, whether in an active class discussion [btw, the 6R1 I know is a very lively class ;) ], in quietly doing paper cuttings for librarian duty (although reading cuttings about current issues, especially baby dumping can be p-r-e-tty depressing. Maybe another post on that later.) or as the secretary for our Student Council (I'm still very surprised that I was nominated, let alone elected to post. Like wow, I'm so happy for this opportunity;)) . And I said before that I'm waiting until I'm 18. Well...here you have it. A legally 18-year old kid-dult? :)

Ahh, time. :)

Seeking Guidance?

*just woke up*

There's something that's been nagging at my mind for some time now. Something that I used to mention then it died down.

 I'm finding for mentors.

A few years ago I read about the practice of mentoring in certain youth groups in U.S and how it impacted the lives of the youth, and also how the kindness and patience of mentors were passed on when a grateful youth starts to influence the lives of those younger than them after being guided for some time. Then, I read about it again in some old CCG material for church use, and I was like 'This is so cool, why not practice it?"

Then came the thought "But this started in the West. As an Asian (Malaysian to be exact), with a different culture and etc., can this even work over here? Is it needed here or relevant? "

After some time, I noticed that the practice of the elder guiding the younger, as well as mutual encouragement and accountability, is indirectly already in practice--in both my family and my church family as well. It just was not 'official' or 'exclusive', and personally I think making it a 1 to 1 thing has its risks. Previous dependencies on people make me doubt about these kind of close friendships; as much as I want to hear honest assessments of my weaknesses and how my walk with God is, and later be prepared for the big adult world (which is good), I don't want to put people on pedestals, again...and let my life be controlled by how other people think. At the same time, I also have a responsibility to take care and help others who are in need, and to become that I need to come to the end of myself, meaning that with God's help I stop worrying so much and rest.

Right now I'm to do a study on the attributes of God, and how knowing Him corrects my human, super limited perception of God, my worth, and love. :) And I pray that wise & humble mentors will be in my life soon so that I can learn from them.

ps: I'm so done with the title labels. It's so not me! ;)

[blog-wanting fame, +sincerity+don't care what ppl think = authenticity of author]

Inspiration: Who we really are

Many times I tend to forget how should I percieve myself. Either I'm battling with low confidence and doubt, or I  would be all high and mighty up there (many times without realizing that I can be such a snob).

This song helps me to put that all in perspective and realize how small but blessed I am=)

Casting Crowns - Who Am I

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. ...So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.(Matt 10:29, 31)

I was truly blessed by this song...How about you?

God bless=)

Revived: A note about the author

NOTE: The author of this blog is very lazy. In fact even though she knows that she expresses herself better through writing than in speech, she's not disciplined to blog regularly, or more precisely, open up to the world.

Problems? Happenings? Joys? If you know her in real life you'll know a little on the surface, but that's about it. No further. She can be too proud to admit her weak spots...even what may be general!

For instance, she would love to tell everyone that she has got a new slider, seek advice when she failed her driving test (on the road), and that she's teaching tuition now.

Or share about the songs that she likes, the experiences that she has.

And...

She's really seeking for a friend, someone who can mentor her and be a friend to her, to replace which that is gone,and someone to be accountable with, who she can confide in with her struggles, and share joys with, and she's glad that there were and are people who have blessed her so much (and that she can't possibly pay back).

She's praying for God to make her desperate and broken enough to stop being that proud, thinking that she can ever survive or live without His grace, and to have life-changing encounters and be on fire for Him.

Meet the author of this blog.

Yup. This author has read about blog gurus telling her to write on a "niche topic" to make this place tick and the comments coming, (that's a good suggestion) but with no sure way to write "how to" topics because she has yet to achieve the advice that she may put down there. Confidence is one thing this author has to work on.

This author can never say that she's humble. She has a prideful spirit that needs to eat a lot of humble pie.

(end of rant)
........
........

No more hiding, no more beating around the bush. What you see should be what you'll get.

I'm back to business.=)

Holler: I’m down with a bad flu…

Yikes.

I wanted to blog a new entry tonight but with this flu I’m going to fall asleep any moment with that drowsiness of mine…

Anyway today was my sister’s birthday and the whole day was preparations and celebrations…It’s nice to see a lot of people remember her birthday this year. She felt very surprised but glad and grateful that people remembered it.

I really need to rest now though. My nose won’t stop running and I had to take medicine to control the runniness…hope that won’t bug me all night=(



Sleep! …

…

Good night, everyone. =)

Memory Snippets: I insist, sir/miss…

“Miss, I insist that you double check whether my pictures are in my student file”.

“Sir, bring it down to 20 ringgit for the dress, okay? I saw a 20 ringgit price tag there…”

If we all insisted and double checked and bargained more, the chances of us taking a ride and doing double work will be greatly lessened.

I wish that I remembered that more often. Today me and my mom went for a car ride because I didn’t double check (I mean triple check) about having submitted 3 passport size photos to the driving academy I was studying in.

I called up the academy office today morning to ask about learning to go behind the wheel. I was very excited—I was thinking about holding a steering wheel for the first time today. Or so I thought.

The lady at the office told me that I need to submit 3 passport photos so that they could process my learner’s license.However, I thought I did remember submitting the photos earlier, so I asked her about it. She said that I needed to submit another 3 pictures. I didn’t confirm further. I ran out of passport photos at home, so I went out to print 4 new sets of photos and then went to the academy, only to have the lady check my file and say that I don’t need to submit any more photos since I gave them to her when I registered!

What a ride…and a lesson to learn! Confirming my doubts a second or even third time would have saved a ride, my mom’s petrol, and the 50 cents worth of a parking ticket…

Holler: Sorry for not updating for so long…

I’ve been kind of busy lately. A lot has been going on for me. However, that’s not an excuse for not blogging. (remember I said in my first post that not updating caused my first 2 blogs to ‘die’?) I don’t want that to happen here, either. Blogging is a great way to make me more disciplined.

Guess what? I started this blog with new posts every day, but I slowed down a lot. And I’ll try to start posting everyday…again. I’ll draft my posts on paper, and then I’ll post them here whenever I have access to a laptop.

I’m serious here. I mean this. So for anyone reading this, you can help keep me accountable and see to it that I post new material often.

And, I’ll only post notable events. No boring posts allowed for the sake of fulfilling my ‘everyday have to blog’ commitment.I said I’ll post as often as possible, but I’m keeping quality in check.

Right now I have writer’s block…

See ya.

*respects the rights of picture owners*

What's Flying Through: I'm not 18. Yet.

Today I wanted to enrol in a course(a clean course ok)but was advised not to do so because I'm not 18 yet.

YET.

Oh yeah, wait till August 26(wink;-))then I can have 18+ privileges.Or really?

Actually...to ask honestly...how old do we behave like? I'll be turning 18 in 6 months time but sometimes I behave like a 15-year old(or worse).

So, I made it a point: Never say that I'm a certain age(especially big numbers:18 and 21)unless i act like I'm mature and responsible enough to be one.

What do you think?=)

ps "What's Flying Through" is a section of posts about something (idea or event) that just flew across the sea of thoughts in my brain.

Little Light: A Million-Dollar Topic and my Two Cents…

Here it goes: the million-dollar question that every high school leaver in Malaysia asks at one point or another: What will I do after SPM???

I tried to find the answers. Some people are just so confident that they have the guts (i mean this in a positive way)to say stuff like: “Oh I’ll be doing foundation courses on business in so-and-so college” or “I want to major in pharmacy studies, so I’ll do F6 Bio” and the best one: “My parents already arranged for me to study medicine/(name of prestigious degree) in the UK/US/Australia” (these are supposedly stereotypical, not reflecting actual responses of people I know)

  

Well, I’m nowhere near there.

At first, due to financial constrains, my 99% most probable option now is F6 and STPM…it’s free and since I have no definite career path i have 2 years to decide=)A lot of people look down on it for a lot of reasons…I don’t. I respect and admire those who decide to go for it, because it’s reasonably tough and trains us to be more hardworking to do work and exams.However, I’m also considering other options.Why?

1)Call it a personal weakness or whatever…I don’t think I can excel in F6 Bio or Physics. reasons: Bio (not really interested so no motivation to read) and Physics (I’m weird in the sense that I’m ok with Physics but hate math…)

2)Because my previous school only offers SC stream, I would have to look for another school to register for my only other option: Art. Art is either Economics (ok..I’m not too interested in accounts though)or Visual Arts(absolutely NO interest). Not to mention the red tape involved in changing streams and schools, and the disadvantage socially when popular former graduates of the school are elected or trusted for posts in extra-curricular activities…means I’m less involved..sigh.

There are a lot of other options available but they all take up tons of $$$…I’m currently comparing A-levels with STPM…I look at the flexibility of subjects offered and feel that it suits me better…in terms of personality and future career options(not to say that A-levels is better, just that i think it suits me personally)but its way expensive…unless I get a scholarship, which the probability of me getting it is one in a million?

I don’t get a lot of A+ results…and I’m not particularly outstanding in anything I think. HOLD ON, (this is a revelation!)I think one factor stands between a scholarship chance and none:my NEGATIVITY.

God made me a unique, one-of-a-kind creation; and there ARE abilities and strengths that I do possess. Sure, it’s overshadowed by many personal weaknesses, but I can change, not just because I said so, but because I can grow and learn with God’s grace and also to be humble enough…it takes time…so I can do it. Yes, I may as well get rejected, but it dosen’t hurt to TRY.

Anyway, I’m finally starting theory lessons on driving tomorrow. Yay! Finally I have to learn something after 1.5 months of doing almost nothing=)

Really Random: 5 silly things that I do...

...that you can LOL about. LOL

1)Skip around the house for no particular reason


2)Sing along to a song on my mp3 player with headphones on(and recieve "rave" reviews, e.g(so out of tune lah...).


3)Walk floppily (like a mixture of a supermodel and a penguin) and
(I'm just a wannabe, though)

4)Bump my poor baby toes into cabinet and table corners (I broke my baby toenails at least 3 times. Ouch...)


5)I literally CRIED when I cooked pasta and white sauce for the first time...because the pot popped loudly and I thought the stove was going to explode...

...
these can mean 2 things...either I'm a little girl at heart, or just plain silly, or both.
;-)

Little Light: Music and Me

**Warning: Very long post ahead. Song Titles and Lyrics!**

I’m sure you love music, don’t you?



Here’s one song which, though not really new, I just got to like recently:

I dare you to move 
I dare you to move 
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor 
I dare you to move 
I dare you to move 
Like today never happened 
Today never happened 

Maybe redemption has stories to tell 
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell 
Where can you run to escape from yourself? 
Where you gonna go? 
Where you gonna go? 
Salvation is here

(Switchfoot, Dare You To Move)


Haha…I like the whole song, just that I like the chorus and bridge best=)


I’m kind of connected to music in life, a lot of times without noticing it. Even when I was little, my grandmother used to teach me the songs “Thank You, Jesus” and “Come Bless The Lord” and her, me and my sister will sing it every night before bed.


As I grew up, the “songbase” in my brain grew in size. Some of the songs that I remember hearing often were like the “I’m a Barbie Girl”, “Para Para Sakura” and “Macarena”, as well as a few Chinese songs. The one I remembered the most was “Peng You”(Friend), sang during my primary graduation=)

I like some beats just for doing exercise. I have a aerobics CD at home with all kinds of weird but catchy music. My personal favorite is this one, “Jungle Song”:(!st part)

My name is Tarzan, I am jungle man
The tree top swinger from jungle land
Come baby come, I will take you for a swing
Let's go honey, I'm tinkling
Tarzan is handsome
Tarzan is strong
He's really cute and his hair is long
Tarzan is handsome
Tarzan is strong
So listen to the jungle song LOL;-)


Besides that, I listen to upbeat tunes from the radio and TV. Currently I like songs such as “Replay”, “Face Drop”, “Whatcha Say”, “Paparazzi” and also this song which is a catchy but sound reminder about how to appreciate time:


Gotta start, Looking at the hands of the time we been given
If this is all we got then we gotta start thinkin’
If every second counts on the clock thats tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dyin’
We only got 864 hundred seconds in a day
To turn it all around or to throw it all away
Gotta tell em that we love em while we got the chance to say
Gotta
Live like we’re dyin’

(Kris Allen, Live Like We’re Dying [chorus, unofficial])

Movie soundtracks to me have a really good sound and effects(it really suits the movie and adds to its feel). Songs like “Colours of The Wind”, “Reflection”, “One Girl Revolution” and “You’ll be in My Heart” from Disney movies….I personally like the “Tarzan” movie soundtracks the best=)Also some current movie tracks whose name currently escapes me…(Man!…)

I like inspirational songs too, like “Wind Beneath My Wings” (and a lot of Celine Dion songs…I like her music), “Without You” and “Hero” by Mariah Carey, and “Note To God” by Charice.

And last but not least, I like contemporary Christian music (ok why did I list this last?)Because of the message that the songs  portray and how they remind me about God’s goodness and glory.From “youth group songs” such as “Treasure”, “One Desire” and “Reflector” to contemporary such as “Beautiful Ending” by Barlowgirl and “Take Me Back” by Jeremy Camp, these songs’ message inspire me in my walk with God…

I’ll never be able to fully catalog all the songs I like, even if I have an IPod (I don’t)because music is literally my life;-)

So, what’s your favorite songs?

This song is my Battlecry:

I have been a wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned Sovereignty
And had my share of doubt

And though sometimes my prayers feel like
They're bouncing off the sky
The hand I hold won't let me go
And is the reason why...


[Chorus:]
I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved


Bitterness has plagued my heart
Many times before
My life has been like broken glass
And I have kept the score
Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed
That I was far too gone
My brokenness helped me to see
It's grace I'm standing on


[Chorus]


And the chaos in my life
Has been a badge I've worn
Though I have been torn
I will not be moved
[Chorus]


(Natalie Grant, I Will Not Be Moved)

Holler: Sorry…for not being me

I decided to cancel the opinion section.
In the previous post I mentioned that I’m going to open a new opinion section where I’ll kind of debate current issues…but today I decided to cancel that idea.
OK, call me a double-minded promise breaker because in respect to this, I am one.



It’s just not me. I mean….I read a few posts on some blogs that teach you how to make your blog famous and have a lot of traffic, comments etc…the more I read it the more I wanted that, and the opinion section will do that, or so I thought.So I did some research and decided on a topic, “The Pros and cons of School Uniforms”. However, the more I planned my debate the more I think that I’m trying too hard to be famous. Ah, that old trap—More fame=more happiness. And I tried to move that to my blog.

I spent so much time planning and pondering over what to write that I didn’t blog for like, 6 days? (It’s that lost commitment that caused the “death” of my past 2 blogs)

You know what? This blog is already a opinion blog. EVERY blog is, in some sort of way. I’m not going to blog on things that don’t interest me just to please people. I’m going to blog because I like blogging. I’ll blog about my passions and questions, and about what I learned and the mistakes I make (like this) so that others can learn from both the good and the bad of me.

btw, since I already did the research…Personally I think school uniforms can make the school look neater, but it won’t stop people from trying to express themselves in some way. I mean, PEOPLE BREAK RULES REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THERE IS UNIFORM OR NOT.

Agree?;-)

Itchy Spot: Just As Guilty

Today I did something very embarrassing while going shopping with my mom. It's so embarrassing I won't spill what it is--however I'll explain how I was humbled tremendously by it (and laugh about it now...)

 

Actually, this embarrassing event made me realize that I'm just as careless and guilty of making a fool of myself as everyone else could. I used to silently snicker in my head when I see other people embarrassed by this, and comment about how silly people are...when today I was exposed by doing it myself. Silly me.

I apologize to everyone reading this post. I'm now greatly humbled and will not make fun of anyone in my head since I have the capacity to do weird things, silly things and (sigh)*embarrassing* things very often without noticing it.

i'm sorry
dui bu qi
Maaf
enna maniichudunga
Click here for "I'm sorry" in most world languages

Inspiration: Always Not Forsaken

Today I came across this famous poem…forgive me for being always so deep(this is me…always in deep thought=)) but this poem never fails to remind me about my ultimate security…it always stirs up a sense of love and hope=)

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

---

Mary Stevenson, 1936



God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”[Heb 13:5b]

Animal-mania: Hamsters!!

Today when I went for piano class, someone gave my teacher two little baby hammies! I didn't have a camera on me so didn't get to snap any shots of' em, but here are some cute hammie pics I found for you to enjoy:

Hamsters are real tiny and active stuff. I once had two hamsters, Ping and Pong (we couldn't think of any human names for them).All they loved to do is eat, poop, run around in their hamster-wheel and play with each other. I liked to put them in a little pail and take them on a "grand tour" of our garden. Unfortunately, they died after being with us for about 2 months...so sad=(

My teacher's hammies like to sleep in the wheel...I tried to "kacau" them but one of them came out, gave me a "Don't bug me" look and then went back to sleep;-)

ps I love animals! that's why every week i'll feature one animal cutie here...

DISCLAIMER:"all pictures used in this blog are original downloadables from flickr. I respect the rights of the original photo owners and only use photos for illustration purposes on this blog alone"

To Think About: Looking Stupid and Pride

Today my mom asked me to call the "paper lama"or recycled paper lorry from the house...and I chickened out. Mom did it like a pro.How come whenever she does it it seems like it's so easy?
Seriously, I loathe doing stuff like these. Whether it's calling Pizza Hut delivery or ordering food from food courts (that's why I prefer restaurants) I am kind of overcome by some sort of ridiculous fear and turn all red and stiff...(embarrassing habit#1 revealed).
Actually there's nothing I'm afraid about...except looking stupid.Really. I want the paper lama man, the Pizza Hut operator and the food court hawker to have a good first impression on me...but the more I try, the more ridiculous I get.

I've been told that you gotta have guts to survive. Well for me, I've learned that guts can be developed...and the #1 way to start is by being humble to look stupid during the first couple of tries, instead of trying to save face and look good. I end up looking worse anyway...
Humility and a teachable spirit, then, can help me look stupid-and have a good laugh at myself.That's how I'll learn=)

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."[Philippians 2:3]

No one should be ashamed to admit they are wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that they are wiser today than they were yesterday.
Pope, Alexander

Only those who feel little in the eyes of God, can hope to be mighty in the eyes of men.

Arndt, Ernest Moritz
Quotes from Quotations Book

Itchy Spot: Sweet Slumber

After a month or more of missing afternoon naps, I decided to take one today.After listening to some mp3s and washing my oily afternoon-face(my usual nap routine)I flopped on the bed trying to sleep. I love sleep...the freedom from thinking or doing anything...except dream.Maybe.
   
About half an hour in, when I was getting cosy and almost (almost) fell asleep,my grandma's hollers suddenly awakened me..."Come and show us your email! Your dad sent you the pics from the operation!"
I went down half-sleepy and moody. "Is it very important? It's just a minor operation...Dad's got a stress lump on his neck and just got that removed...can't this wait until nap is over?" And with that I went back to sweet slumber for another half an hour. The cyst-viewing had to be postponed for later...
I was in for a rude awakening. How on earth can I put sleep more important than my dad's operation? Dad was probably so glad the lump's gone and I had to be such a kill-joy...
From then, I made this resolution that I will not mind being awakened from beauty sleep to share the little, special moments that happen. Sleep can wait; moments don't. Relationships are way too valuable to waste moments.
Finally,

becomes

Memory Snippets: The Greatest Blessing

My grandmother passed away peacefully last thursday morning,on 11:26 am sharp. the morning that she died, we (the family) were reading newspapers and chit-chatting to kill time when suddenly my mom says “She’s opened her eyes!!” Realising that she has not been conscious in the past few days, all of us ran to her bedside. My dad flipped open his hp searching for Popo’s favorite songs and held it to her ear and everyone told her not to worry. Mom whispered in my ear,”She’s going.”
A few seconds later, she breathed her last breath…and went to be with the Lord.
For the past 4 years, Popo’s life has been full of sickness and suffering.However, she somehow is still joyful and glad about her life and her time with us has been full of wisdom and laughter.Even as I write this post I miss her…especially the time when I was with her in the ambulance home 2 days before thursday, thinking that i was with her the last half hour of her life…can never forget that journey=(
  
This favorite song of Popo’s kind of summarizes it all:
这一生最美的祝福(rough translation, the chinese version is so BEAUTIFUL=)=)
The Greatest blessing in This Life
When I see the stars at night, how my heart is drawn to You.
And their light shines Your grace on me,
how I long to be with You.
I lift my voice in praise,
I will love You with my life,
for Your beauty and Your goodness never end.
Nothing compares to knowing you,
You are the treasure of my life.
Trusting in Jesus Christ my Lord,
My greatest blessing in the world.
In the valleys or mountains,
You are with me all the time,
Thank you Lord,
for the gift of knowing YOU…
(partially edited from a youtube comment...respect the rights of the commentor)
RIP,Popo…