Questions for you. (On scoring and education)

Since I admit my, er, only human weakness in not being able to write inspiring, thought-provoking articles everyday, today (and every other non-article day) I'm going to leave you, my reader, some questions on current issues and life issues to ponder and maybe debate upon.


Today's topic is about top scorers and our education system in general.


1) What do you think are the chances of students from kind of 'regular' schools (not the elite few in towns) to become best scorers in any public exam? It seems like the best students each year come from a select few elite, 'good' schools, with the exception of a rural school or two...how true is it?

2) And, I noticed that the 'best students' are those who, without fail, took the most subjects. What can you say about an excellent student who chooses to focus on the 10/11 subjects that he took, say, for SPM? Where's the recognition due to these folks?

3) What is the thrill in taking so many subjects and scoring so many "A"s in terms of Malaysian education?


4) What kind of change should our current education system undergo to ensure more well-balanced students and graduates?


* A suggestion for question #4, in my experience, is to make sure that Physical Education isn't replaced with any other subject, not even during major exam periods, and also that it should be made more fun with a variety of sports activities. Not only would we enjoy P.E better, we'd be more fit and healthy physically too! *


What say you? Do chip in with your opinion ya :)

On popularity, intimidation, and a hidden love:)

Today I'm going to blog about something that I'd mentioned some time ago in this entry, but in more (personal) detail, as well as the two main attitudes associated with it.

Since young, I always enjoyed attention and the feeling of being heard, and it showed, according to my parents and those who knew me since young. There were even pictures of me singing to songs on the television in the family album. At that young and (kind of) innocent age, attention-seeking was only natural, innocent, and not mixed with hidden motives that came with growing up.

However, as years passed, media influence introduced me to the idea of the queen bee or the popular girl, you know the ones who are cheerleaders, who make all the guys swoon over them and who basically have their way in the social scene with everyone. (the guy version is the all-star athlete whose build and smooth talking makes every girl in class have a crush on him..oh come on, you know right?)In short, they're the ones who get all the attention...and that I envied terribly!

Sometimes I wonder if that's just Western culture, but after all those years in primary and secondary school (i.e middle and high school) made me realize that it's universal for someone or a certain group to stand out from the crowd due to certain qualities such as talent, social status, etc., but in Malaysia and other places it's just expressed in different contexts, such as smart ones versus the rest, or involved ones versus the rest, etc.

The motive of wanting to be popular and well-liked basically consumed me (yes, I have to use that word, because that's how strong it was at that time) in my early teen years that in everything that I did I always tried to found some way to get attention somehow, whether positively or negatively, as getting more attention is the main thing that made me happy, secure, etc., and in doing that I made a lot of blunders, sad to say, and lost many quality friends in the process while chasing the popular ones who I thought will raise my social rank, but just like the Malay saying goes, "yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong berciciran", I was ignored for being this desperate weirdo trying to seek attention in any way possible.

The fact that I was timid made me use tears as some sort of manipulation tool at that time to gain attention, as in negative attention is better than nothing at all. If I were to write a letter to myself 6 years ago, I'll really give 'her' a lecture on why popularity isn't everything in life, on why being herself would be a much better option and that she'd stay true to the person God has created her to be.

For instance, when I was 13, I tried to become a prefect, not because I enjoy enforcing school rules, but because I knew from somewhere that prefects rule the school, because they had so much influence over everyone. Of course at that age I didn't realize that this respect that they enjoyed came with a lot of responsibility and effort, and all I saw was the attention they received. Ironically, when I wanted so badly to become a prefect, I wasn't elected, but now when I know better and didn't really think of contributing to the school, as a prefect (basically because I thought that it really wasn't me to do that) the student council in my school gives us prefect-like responsibilities, so now I'm kind of one...and with that came a lot of responsibility.

The thing about popular people, people with charisma, people with talent, and especially when these people showcase them in front of one's very eyes, sometimes I can't help but feel intimidated by them, because at that moment I start mentally comparing myself to them and think how much worse I am compared to them. I wonder if you, my reader, ever felt that way when someone better that you in something comes along and "steals the spotlight"?

Seriously, envy is a contagious virus, and I think that it hinders me from appreciating talent in others. I think that this source of envy is insecurity -- that I have no faith over my own abilities and/or worth, and to feel good and worthy in a way, I need to outdo others, and if the converse happens disappointment occurs. To me, we learn to get rid of envy in the negative, destructive sense, and genuinely know to compliment and appreciate those better than us when we realize that the talents of other people don't pose a threat to our own development, gifts, and passions in life, and that we grow better together, by learning from each other instead of envying one another in the negative sense (the positive sense is when someone else's performance pushes us to do better and when there are no hard feelings towards the other person.). As for where I'm at at this stage, I'm still learning, but I'm glad for progress :)

Now on my hidden love. Fairly recently, I experienced public speaking for the first time. It was a class setting where this lecturer came and gave us some tips on how to speak better. I was initially terrified of the thought and thought of skipping school on that day, but at the same time I liked to speak. In the end, the warrior spirit that was in me took over fear, so I went ahead and did it. After I presented my speech, I cried because I was very disappointed on my own performance, and also I was guilty of comparing myself a higher standard that I had set for myself. However, I thank God that I got over that, and now I'm seeking more speaking opportunities. Besides, thanks to that experience, I now know, acknowledge and realize:

I like public speaking. period.

And I'm glad that I'm not doing it now because I want to be popular (even though I do sometimes feel tempted to think that way), or because I feel intimidated and hence need to prove my worth, but simply because it's a further expression of this hidden identity that I've been carrying for so long.

I hope that my post today can benefit you, my reader, even though I have to admit that the amount of "I"s used in this post indicates more personal sharing than the 'tips' and 'oughts' in some of my previous posts. To any tween-ager and up reading this, I really want you to know, and learn from the blunders that yours truly made, that popularity isn't everything. Treasure the friends that genuinely have interest in your life, as they're the ones really worth keeping. :)

Loneliness, envy, heartbreak...and hope.

If you have been noticing trends in my blog posts recently, you'd notice that the most popular topic that I seem to be blogging about nowadays is about relationships.

I have to admit, friendships and relationships are a huge priority in my life. They have always been. And I also know that that is natural, because I believe that God created me to be a relational being and have a relationship with Him and also those around me. However, relationships are not everything.

Some time ago (I think it was on my 18th birthday) a teacher sincerely advised me to focus more on my studies, and while I'm striving to do that, relationships still tend to dominate my thoughts, because relationships bring out the strongest and deepest emotions that are within me, and as a girl, it becomes all the more natural and harder to contain. I have every intention, however, to start focusing more on studies and other responsibilities that I have too, so that my brain is more enriched with knowledge as well.

I have to admit, when I see friends around me that are together, I do feel at least a little envious.

When I know that these friends with some sort of significant other in their lives right now text each other almost every other minute, and have each other's company often, a tinge of perceived loneliness often arises in me.

When Valentine's Day (a side note for those following recent news developments in Malaysia: Valentine's is a secular celebration, it has always been, and I don't celebrate it as a Christian. Halloween isn't a Christian celebration, either. Anyway, Valentine's just a passing event to me, some sort of world trend or something...) arrives along with its trends of sending flowers, chocolates and love notes (and where certain clubs in the school capitalize as business opportunity #1) and just the knowledge that someone is thinking about you, it leaves me thinking about whether any guy will ever want me or like me for who I am.

Sometimes even with just friends I can think this way also, you know, if they like me as a friend for who I am and not just because I'm apparently kind of smart, or have some sort of advantage, or...? (maybe this is also caused by my apparent lack of experience with guy friends, but still...)

Every time I see couples waiting in line to see movies, and I see them lovingly hold hands and put arms around each other, while I think that some of those actions are kind of gross, I secretly long to have someone pay that kind of attention to me, too. (I don't mean the gross actions, but just the companionship, BTW.)

On the other side of the coin, I don't know how it's like to be in a relationship, and for the most part I'm not concerned about it except when I see people together or hear about the love stories of my friends (!) but I know how's it like to have feelings for somebody, and also how it feels to be heartbroken by the fact that the things that I thought were indications of interest were more like illusions that I made up, that my feelings have been indirectly played upon even though the other party didn't mean to. It's a secret that I keep, actually.

Anyway, I do wonder why as girls we feel this way so easily while all the while we were happy, contented singles. Was it the friends around us? Was it the media?

It stings feeling this way. Really, it does.

What is this mystery, this tinge of longing, that I feel every now and then?

In my search for the answer, I realized that things aren't always what they seem. And I'm not saying the following things below to pacify myself or make myself feel better, if that was what you're thinking.

First of all, relationships take work -- a lot of it, actually. Beyond the mushiness that I see in apparent relationships among the people that I know, both parties need to constantly make sure that the other person's needs are maturely taken care of. I don't know about other people, but knowing myself I can't give that amount of commitment towards someone yet at this stage of my life, so relationships now would do me more harm than good, and it'll even be a distraction at this time to my studies and such.

Secondly, the first or second nice guy or girl that we meet may not necessarily be the best one. While my feelings may fool me, I also believe that God is preparing my prince, and that I will meet him someday, if it is His will for me to marry. No, I'm not holding on to a fairy-tale story, neither am I daydreaming, but I'm stating that I trust in God's choice and timing for me in this matter. And right now, I think that I should focus more on improving the quality of  platonic friendships that I have right now. And as I grow older and stronger, more people will come into my life, and then I worry about this kind of thing...

Thirdly, even though apparent loneliness may sting, heartbreaks sting even more, especially when one is so deeply involved in a relationship. Sometimes heartbreaks are inevitable, but I also don't want to intentionally get into them by experimenting with relationships before I'm ready for them, because immaturity makes disappointment all the more easy to come by, and before I get into anything I must first be strong inside and out, and while there may be a nice guy or two that come into my life, I'll wait.

In general, in this age of becoming, I choose to handle this delicate issue of love without contempt, but with full trust in God's timing for me. And meanwhile, I'll cherish the friendships that are in my life right now :)

Looking forward to the weekend :)

Do you like weekends?

I'm sure that's a no-brainer, and if you see this you'll go like "Of course? Who doesn't?"

Well...I like both weekends and weekdays, just in different ways, and sometimes I think that we should do weekdays some justice too. However, I've also got to admit that weekends are fun, and if they were taken away  we'll get kind of depressed, no?

On weekends, we basically have more free time on our hands that during weekdays needed to be spent on work and/or school, so during that free time we can do anything else we want to do: pursue a hobby, catch up with all your homework (yes, there is some kind of satisfaction in that, when you flop on your bed on Sunday night and think "Yay, I finished everything and I don't owe any teacher any work, so I'm going to enjoy my sweet slumber. Good night!"), hang out with friends (double yay!) and others. That is the main reason why weekends are so enjoyable.

However, for many people, their weekends are also packed with various outside activities that they are committed to. For some of these people, weekends are as busy as weekdays, sometimes even more as their schedules are packed. Some take part-time jobs, some teach or attend courses on various subjects, some engage in activities held by religious authorities, and some just have too much work carried forward from weekdays that have to be finished on weekends or otherwise they'll get it from the supervisor on Monday. So, to say that weekends are entirely free isn't entirely correct, either. However, for many people, the outside activities that they take part in suits their passion, for example a music student who spends her weekends teaching and learning about music, and for others they are physical, mental,emotional and/or spiritual food, where they learn something from the things that they do. Therefore, even though weekends are busy, they're still enjoyable for these folks.

How about weekdays? I have to admit one of the reasons I look forward to weekdays is because I can meet up with my friends in school and hang out with them the whole day (depending on how long your school day is). I know that most students detest homework and assignments, that are synonymous with schooldays and even workdays, but without them, how can our brains be stimulated and challenged? How can we continue to learn and upgrade ourselves? Even though I'm lazy to do them, I'm glad that there's homework in my life, because they're what makes me smarter in time. However, too much homework within a short period of time is stressful too. As the saying goes, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy", too much homework limits the amount of time available for rest and hobbies during weekdays and weekends alike.

Well, that's all for today. (I'm timing myself on the computer, and since I only have 5 minutes more, I'd better wrap up. Time management...!) Here's to a great weekend to everyone:)

By the way, what's the inspiration for today's post? Well, I'd have to admit it's actually the Rebecca Black song, "Friday". It's stuck in my head somehow :)

On being...unique.

Depending on how well you know me, you may have different ideas on why I chose this title today.

Well, here's the answer: It's a combination of the ideas that I got from my teacher and a home cell member on what to blog about today. Sometimes, I do need a little push to get myself out of writer's block...

Just the other day I was casually talking to one of my best friends about people with similar characters in our class, and that made me think about not only if there was someone (or several people) who were similar to me in terms of personality and mannerism, but also how unique each one of us are.

It's a known fact that each of us are unique. We have our own makeup, backgrounds, characters, ways we carry ourselves, and other things that define us. Different things make our heart skip, and we have leave our own fingerprints on everything that we do.

It's true that stereotyping exists here, and people are grouped into groups based on a lot of things. Social status, intellect, race, even whether you like or hate a certain celebrity...you name it, and people can be immediately divided into groups of some kind or another. Grouping always happens before you even know it...sadly to say, this exists in society for a long time actually. And we are directly affected by it. However, when we choose to look beyond stereotypes, and see the person as a person, a unique individual with his or her own story to tell, we then grow closer together and forget the differences between us for the sake of friendship.

Even though everyone is unique, that does not mean that there are no similarities between us, or the fact that some people naturally do stand out more than others. Usually, certain people's uniqueness show more blatantly than others due to either the lack of like-minded people or that that person possesses certain characteristics that most people do not have. I mean, come on, if I were to ask you to name out unique people in your family, among your friends, etc., you'll be able to think of at least a name or two, right? They're the ones that stand out among the crowd, as the Chinese proverb goes, "the stork among the chickens".

Being unique, I think, is truly a blessing to all of us, and we ought to not only accept it but also develop it by exploring new opportunities in life as time goes on. However, there are obstacles in this process, and chiefly among them is the tendency to follow the herd. When we decide to follow what one person (or a certain group) dictates on our mannerisms and ways, we may compromise our own way of doing things so that our ways are deemed acceptable to our peer group, and eventually lose our own style altogether. Another reason is fear: Certain people have interests, but they dare not try to do that in front of other people because of the fear of making a mess or doing poorly, and confine their talents and abilities to a certain level. Along with laziness and complacency, this talent or ability then becomes underdeveloped, not reaching its full potential.

So, how do we embrace our own uniqueness? One way, in my opinion, is simply by opening ourselves up more to the people in our lives. When we grow close to people, our quirky habits and flaws, as well as our strengths and character, becomes all the more obvious as people tell us both directly and indirectly about the things that we do when we're with them. We also learn about ourselves more by trying out different activities and opportunities. When we do so, we start to show inclinations towards certain activities, and get bored or untouched by others, and then our preferences start to show. Knowing what makes us tick helps us to have more direction in the things that we do as well.

Well, a parting question for us to ponder upon: Why confine yourself to singing in the shower when you can pull out a full band and bring the house down?

:)

On why we expect replies.

Replies. They can either make or break our day...and thanks to technology, we expect them all the more!

Do you feel anxious and also disappointed whenever you send someone a message (especially if that 'someone' is either a good friend or someone you have your eyes on) and don't get any replies for hours?

Expanding the question above, do you feel a little taken aback when you take the time (and also the teeny-bit of hand energy) to type a long message to someone, sometimes complete with smilies, and all you get in reply is just "K" ? Annoying much...!

Do you feel a little worried when you are IM-ing or chatting with someone, and then suddenly that guy or girl goes offline without saying a proper goodbye, and no explanation whatsoever? Do you wonder if you accidentally typed something that the person doesn't want to see, and that that person is taken aback with what you said?

Do you feel disappointed when there are no views and/or comments on the stuff you posted on your Facebook, Twitter, blog etc., especially when the things you posted require answers, or you did something and wanted feedback desperately?

Lastly, do you feel that there are inconsistencies in some or many of your relationships, where you are able to talk, without holding back, to someone online or while messaging them, but when you see them face to face you don't talk much or not talk at all due to awkwardness?

Personally, I have these worries all the time...!

This obsession with replies has got to have reasons, and I think the most important one is, directly, our need for acceptance and recognition. When someone doesn't reply us, be it face-to-face or otherwise, we'll naturally feel uneasy and I guess a kind of nerve (figuratively) is excited - where we start this whole mechanism of either defending ourselves or endlessly seeking why the other party doesn't reply. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that media, being either verbal or non-verbal, has a personal element to it and that as communicators, we invest feelings into what we say or show to others.

Imagine this scenario: A friend misunderstands you, and due to that he's giving you the cold shoulder the entire day. Most of the time, based on the personality that you have, After wondering and giving thought, rather uneasily, why the other person is treating you this way, we either take action by apologizing or explaining, or if we think we are justified and not at fault, choose to ignore the other person's behavior too, or we can not take action at all until needed. And based on the other person's personality too, this mechanism of action dictates whether you'll be talking to this person the next day, or become alienated from them, etc etc. 

Now, when feelings are invested in any situation of communication, I think that sometimes rational reasoning may be left out. For instance, there can be many reasons why people don't reply messages: they could be in the middle of something, or their phone was charging, or they put the phone in the bag  and can't hear the message tone, and others. As for why people reply shortly, the reasons can be just either purely practical: for many prepaid plans it's cheaper if your message is shorter, whereas for some there's a fixed rate per message so we can reply as long as we want within the message limit; or personality: some people just prefer to reply short and precise messages to people. Generally, (this is just a personal opinion) I think most guys respond this way unless there's a lot of information involved, as well as some girls who are more direct in their way of conversation.

With all the rational options up there, I think that we should be more rational when communicating with people, giving people the benefit of the doubt more often and not try to over-analyze things and come to rash conclusions. Then, even with the feeling that we invest, we can objectively choose the next thing to do about any situation.

A last note here to you and me: Persevere in the relationships that you have. I know that this whole business of maintaining relationships can be hard work, but when you continue to invest in them no matter rain or shine, the fruits of our labor will show: trust, a shoulder to lean on, genuine interest in each others' lives, and many more. :)

Gossip Girl?

Today I'm gonna take a break from my usual way of posting articles to make way for a little personal reflection on what's been happening lately.

A lot has happened. If you were someone I knew from years ago and you were to meet me today, especially when I'm with my friends, you may not think that I can become like that.

But I can be like that: loud, talkative, like to bully people etc etc., and you may be there wondering : What on earth happened to her? What ever happened to little miss shy, fearful, and keeps her opinions to herself?

Yup, I'd somewhat became a gossip girl of sorts.

Not gossip in the way where someone would tear down people as they speak about them, or speaking bad stuff about people behind their backs. But I've become one that always likes to catch up on what's happening in people's lives (aka latest news), one that freely expresses 'oohs' and 'ahs' whenever something exciting happens, the attention-seeker. You know, kinda noisy, kinda poke-y? I can assure you that I still firmly believe that talking bad stuff behind people's backs is wrong and it hurts, and I'm sticking to that. I'd enough painful experiences with friends from long ago to prove that.

There are reasons for this. People don't change overnight, you know.

They say life gives one many sorts of experiences, and for me it is the circumstances of life as it is now. During the past few months I'd had many kinds of experiences, some joyful, some bittersweet, and many stressful, and they helped to shape the girl that I am today.

There were first and foremost, friendship experiences. Before this, the last time I'd ever had a close group of friends in school was in Form 2, and at that time I blew off those friendships with a white lie that I'd told to save my own skin. How immature I was back then :( I'd been blessed to have several good friends in high school, but I couldn't claim to actually feel like I belong to a close group, mainly because I thought that everyone was already in their little cliques and had no place for me in their close-knit groups of friends, so I dared not join people in their conversations.

Even after entering form six, I initially felt that there was no friend suitable for me, as I felt so weird  and different from everyone else there and I feared that I couldn't fit the 'mould' that existed there. However, as time passed I got to know that my fellow form six mates were more accepting then I thought. They accepted the fact that I was immature, shy, and took a while to warm up to people, and helped me improve my social skills as time went on. Right now I'm glad that I do have a close group of friends in school, and that we share our joys and sadness together, as well as joke about and encourage each other too.

I have to admit that those immature, shy and taking a while to warm up to people traits are still there, lingering, but it is my hope that those will mature in time too, just like how roses bloom in due season.

Then, there's my activity involvement experiences: Student council secretary cum prefect of sorts, librarian (where I also hold the secretary post...do I look like an orderly person?), an editor of the school magazine, my newly elected writing job for Remag, as well as my long-standing yet always hidden love for public speaking. Yes. I mean it. I do like to speak and be heard, I've always did actually, but the fear of losing face stopped me from trying all these years...until now, when opportunity knocks again, and I'm trying again. :)

All these involvement, that I've never before seen in my life, basically caved in on me during January this year, because with authority comes responsibility, right? Being the ultimate newbie on the block, I needed to get down to business while risk looking stupid and 'dumb-dumb', which I hate but it's the humble pie that I needed to eat to improve in the tasks that I was responsible for. I'm happy that these tasks have become more cope-able right now. My parents and relatives, teachers in school, mentors in church, peers and the seniors of Recom helped me a lot in this journey, and I'm very grateful for their faith in me as well as their help in whichever way they were my arms of support.  They help me strengthen my determination of doing these tasks.

Last but not least, (this is going to be a little candid) relationship experiences. I won't elaborate too much on this one, except that now I do know what it's like to really be so into somebody, to really have feelings for somebody, to wonder if that person feels the same way too, then to feel the pain of heartbreak and disappointment of an unreachable 'first love'. To identify with the lyrics of love songs, that sing out exactly how I felt towards that special person. (That's why I talk about these things, those love-related jokes and stuff, often, both in my blog here and with those I know). To be able to share those experiences with friends, and learn how to move on. I'm also glad that I'm learning to relate to guy friends better nowadays, last time couldn't even talk to them because I was so boy-shy. I admit, I still feel awkward when talking to guys nowadays, but I'm glad that the dudes in my life are bearing with me, still. :)

Back to the 'gossip girl' scenario, I saw this blog entry on my form teacher's blog on this ex-student that she had. and this girl didn't go around looking for attention from guys. She only talks to them when needed because she's more comfortable with female friends. And she doesn't feel pressured to have a boyfriend at all. Wow, I really salute her attitude, because unlike her I do (often subconsciously) try to get the attention of others, be it girls or guys, and often I try too hard and in the end make a fool out of myself i.e my plans backfired.

There's this quote that I saw recently on Twitter about people that don't seek attention usually are the ones that get attention in the end. That's a lesson that this attention seeker needs to learn her lesson from, where she needs to refrain from trying too hard to impress people with her personality/smarts/wit/whatever, and just be herself, and seek to make her heart a beautiful one:)

Okay, that'll be my sharing for today. Hopefully tomorrow I'll contribute another useful article/discussion for thought...

On speaking confidently.

In about 3 weeks from now, all sixers across the country have to go through an important rite of passage to guarantee a spot in universities: the Malaysian English University Test (MUET). The test consists of the 4 elements that make up basic communication skills: reading, writing, listening and speaking. Among these 4, speaking to me is the scariest of them all, because you not only have to be proficient in the language, which is the basic requirement for all 4 exams, but you also need confidence, charisma, boldness, and communicate well as an individual as well as within a team.

Today, I'm going to discuss about the art of speaking itself and how we can improve it. Mind you, I'm no expert in this, because I do have stage fright, I do stutter and don't speak clearly often. But let's learn together, shall we? :)

Some people are naturally good orators, which means that they can speak boldly to a crowd of any size and their voices, their way of speech and their body language exudes command and confidence to their hearers. You know the kind. Don't you envy them, in the 'How I wish I was confident like that' sort of way?

Another fact about orators is that any prospective politician needs to be a good speaker to win the hearts of the people he or she is speaking. If a politician has to scream or if he or she talks very softly, how can people easily get the message that he or she is trying to pass to the people? Just a thought...I won't go into too much detail about politics for now.

However, not everyone is naturally good in speaking, and most of us tend to be just content speaking within our groups of friends and not going beyond that (Yea, but ouch...!). However, as we exit high school and enter college/university life and beyond, there would be more and more occasions where we would have to present or speak something in public, and speaking therefore becomes an essential skill that we ought to master.

Here are a few tips and pointers that I'd learned from the advice of teachers and friends, as well as personal experience and I'd like to share with you:

• First of all, practice makes perfect. Even though we may start off with zero confidence, confidence comes naturally with practice as we understand the things that we are speaking better, as well as our own way of speech that we feel comfortable in. Personally, I don't feel too easy looking in the mirror and speaking to myself, because normally when you look in a mirror you tend to look for flaws. What I would try is to practice in front of trusted people who'll give me an honest opinion. Speaking of that...
• Seek out speaking opportunities. From something as small as answering a teacher or lecturer's questions to the more challenging things such as public speaking and debating, try to be involved in any activities that involve speaking instead of shying away from it. And when I say this, I mean speaking activities of any language you know, as these are opportunities to brush up your skills. I tend to start sharing or speaking among a supportive group of people who I know will give me an honest opinion and constructive criticism (yes, we all need it no matter how disappointing it sounds...!), then after getting better we can then move on to more activities (if you are interested).
• Another tip is to observe the way other people speak and convey their messages across. Teachers and lecturers would be a good example, as well as friends you know that can speak well. Observe the way they carry themselves as they speak, the words that they use and their body language and learn from them. However, don't copy their style; you are you, they are them, and each of us have different ways of expressing ourselves, so learn from others but also explore and use your personal flair. :)

I hope that these 3 tips can help us to learn and improve in our speaking skills. No, you don't have to be a public speaker or debater or politician, but you can definitely enjoy clearer communication with those around you as well as more confidence.

Speaking about that, deep down, I actually do like to speak and be heard, but always didn't have the guts to do so. However, thanks to the support of parents, teachers and friends, I'm glad that I've made progress. If there's no change of plans, I'm going to be the emcee of our school assembly 2 weeks from now, thanks to the warrior spirit that I'm developing now (I volunteered...now what did I just do?). *Gives herself a pep talk* I can do it! :)

On questions...and being a seeker.

How often do you ask questions about the things that matter in your life?

I admit that I rarely ask questions about the big (and small) concerns of life, such as future plans, principles, even faith, and when problems come right in front of my face and smack me, I don't know what to do, and risk making the wrong choices, especially when now as a almost grown-up (supposedly) I have to make my own decisions. Often I wished people can decide for me, so that I don't have to crack my head deciding on anything, but life is such that I need to decide for myself.

Complacence and laziness are the two main reasons I don't ask. The other reason, I have to admit, is pride, where I think that I'm Little Miss Independent and can handle life on her own, as well as understand everything I've been taught and told. It sometimes takes hurt to bring one to the realization that there are things that we can't figure out on our own, and there's two ways to learn: either wake up now and take action about it, or get hurt and bruised all over and learn the hard way...

Naturally, I tend to accept what I've been taught without question. If my maths teacher taught me that 2 plus 2 equals to 4, I accept that without question. But not everything is that simple to understand, and at some point or another there will be different routes to everything. Then, I need to decide o which route, and did I mention the endless contradictions that we meet while obtaining information? My parents do ask me 'where did you get that philosophy from, we didn't teach you that...!' about certain ideas that I have and often I don't know where they come from. It's like I'm absorbing everything I hear like some sort of sponge without much filtering of the positive/negative influences.

For example, I'm always trying to be heard and listened to, or in a nutshell, an attention seeker. Yes, the painful truth that that is. I'm definitely not proud of it :( But this weakness was (and still subconsciously is) at work, even though there were improvements. Every time I go out with friends, I make sure that I wear something that they'd never seen me wear before, and I doubly make sure that I look good. I do it without realizing it. Now, it's alright to want to look good,but I also get depressed when caught in a bad hair day, because that means that people saw a 'ugly' side of me. How many times have I to remind myself that it's what's inside that matters? And when I didn't get my chance of expressing my opinion in places, I get disappointed too, as if my opinion is prized above all others...?

I'd found this quote on Twitter just now: The women who don't seek attention are usually the women you need to be giving your attention to. Well, it's true, I don't have to seek the attention of those who really hear me out, listen to and appreciate me in any relationship. As for the rest, they are at liberty to either listen or ignore, and it doesn't have to affect me :)

That beings me to questions about faith. To tell the truth, I really admire seekers, you know the people who don't just take the beliefs and cultural practices that they've been taught since young just at face value, but ask, inquire and probe deeper about them, i.e finding about for yourself what you actually believe and questioning about it instead of relying on hand-me-down values? In other words, when a seeker says that he or she believes in a certain principle, it's because they have done their own research, and came to a conclusion, and at the very least made an informed decision. However, I was afraid to seek, because there's always that funny feeling that if you were to dig deep into anything, the results can overwhelm you, and you just can't take it, but in the midst of all that you still have to...decide. Ah, that 6-letter word...

For me, faith seems like religion and rites, a certain way of doing things, and certain things that I choose to believe. But being a follower of Christ is much more than all that. In fact, the heartbeat of Christianity is a living relationship with God through Christ. I'm still trying to, and will try to as a seeker (I want to be one now) understand and experience this living, personal relationship that I've been taught about, by myself. Also, I'd also want to learn to read the Bible, and treat it as it is: God's love letter, His message, that speaks to daily life, that is real to me, that is much more than a historical record of facts and miracles(which honestly is my level of understanding about it right now).

Dear God, I want to be a seeker. Grant me the desire to seek and find out more about You...

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8 (NIV)

On gestures.

Sometimes, I feel taken aback and quite guilty when there's that gal or guy across the room that's somewhat acquainted with me, but I couldn't pluck up the courage to strike up a conversation with. Okay, not sometimes, that happens to me pretty often actually, because of this imp - this weakness of being not-so-easy-to warm up to people in general. What can I do for them,to show that I care? Which brings us to today's topic: gestures.

In any relationship, gestures, or little acts of kindness, friendliness or love, can make a lot of difference. For example, if someone greeted you early in the morning just for the sake of greeting you, you'll most likely smile inside and have a better day that when you first started. Another example would be when a friend goes out of their way to make a home-made present for you on your birthday. No matter what the cost, the warmth and love that went into the making of such presents are simply unforgettable, don't you think? When sincere gestures are done regularly, they all add up,and it contributes and adds to the depth of a relationship.

Personally, I now think that by practicing gestures in our daily life, we can make any relationship just a little sweeter, kind of like how adding a little salt and pepper can enhance the food that we eat. However, unlike salt and pepper which is best only if used in moderation (salt in very small amounts, to be healthier) kind gestures can be used as often as possible. Here I'm going to give a few ideas on how you (and me, too; I just thought of them and most of them are yet to be done habitually by me. We'll learn together...) can practice in our daily relationships.

• Every morning when waking up/being waken up by family members, wish them a very good morning.
• Thank parents and siblings for things done: breakfast, transport, homework help, etc etc (I can add on to this list for miles...!). Don't take family for granted :)
• Do try to ask family members about their day. And DO ask if you know something significant happened that day, even if small (e.g ask your siblings about the presentation that they had to do in class. Speaking of that, my sister has English aural tomorrow...)
• Try (yes, I'm trying) not to talk back or become defensive when one or both parents/elders give advice/criticism to you. Don't take it too personally and either politely accept it, or if there is error in their statement, just state the error, besides they're not perfect too... Either way, most of the time they advice in your best interest. Personally, I have a confession to make: I tend to appreciate my parents' and elders' advice after sitting on it (figuratively) for quite a while and not at the moment they actually told me it...now need to work on shortening that time span...
• Thanks to FB, Twitter and other social media, we now can know about happenings in people's lives easier and in real time (as well as commenting about it). However, you can go the extra mile by asking friends and acquaintances (especially those who are currently not-so-close and the ones where you'd like to get to know them better) about the things that they posted when you see them in real life.
• There's another 2 examples that I mentioned earlier in the 2nd paragraph of this post... :)

These are just a few that I thought of right now. I'm sure you can think of many more gestures that, when done, would bring a smile to someone's face or heart. So. have you brought a little warmth to someone today with a kind gesture? :)

About a deadly disease...and a silent fighter. (A Tribute)

Today, I'm gonna tell you a short story about mosquitoes.

No, I'm not going to elaborate about the different species of mosquitoes there are in the world...but I'm gonna tell you about how one of them took away the young life of a classmate and friend of mine.

And what I think we can do about it, so that the rest of us can learn and prevent more disease from happening on us or our loved ones.

Meet this girl. She's strong, healthy, intelligent, vocal, and friendly. The way she spoke was just so clear that you'd have no problem understanding what she said. A teacher even mentioned to me that she was a student whom they knew would make the school proud, and that she would have a bright future ahead of her. For a little over half a year, we enjoyed getting to know her and spending good times with her whenever she was around.

But all that changed in the flash of an eye.

About around one and a half month ago, fellow form-six mates and teachers were shocked at the news that she'd been admitted to the hospital for dengue. And not just normal dengue, but it was so serious that during the first few days she was bleeding, and throughout her stay there she was in a coma and the doctors had to attach many tubes to her. Normally, the cases of dengue that affected people I know have been not so serious and that recovered after one or two weeks, but her case was serious from the very beginning.

When I went with a couple of friends to visit her on what would be the last time I saw her, we were shocked at what we saw. Her face was swollen and pale, and her hands were a little cold. Those few minutes where I and another close friend of mine saw her, we were appalled. I thought back of the time chatting with her over lunch with a couple of friends just a few weeks earlier, and the contrast that we saw was just too real to describe. I could only say a prayer, in the silence of my heart. Then we left, not knowing that that was the last time.

In the silence of the hospital bed, her body tried to fight the deadly dengue virus for a month and a half, with all its might.

Until yesterday morning, where I heard she breathed her last.

Dear friend, you will be missed and cherished by all of us back here in school :)

Mosquitoes kill. I said it yesterday, and I'm going to say it again. Normally the seriousness of cases of dengue and other insect-spread diseases are, I admit, I'd taken them for granted. So to those reading this, please, please keep your surroundings mosquito-free. Always do regular cleaning-out of stagnant water spots around the house, and kill any mosquito on sight, if possible.

Because you'll never know when and who they'll strike next.

Sincerely, yours truly.

Top 5 travel must-haves

Here's a simple list of 5 essential yet often overlooked items (which are not staples such as clothes and toiletries) that I'd learned from my recent family vacation, and that in my opinion we need to bring during travels to make a trip just that little (or a lot) more comfortable and applicable.

In descending order:

5) Umbrella.

---Well, it's for days that just in case, it rains. And given the unpredictable weather nowadays, it can rain anytime, anywhere. A personal tip would be to bring one small enough to fit into a medium-size bag so that it's more portable, and that you won't forget to bring back later after the trip. Also can be used as self-defense weapon...xD

My experience: I didn't even think of bringing an umbrella, so when it rained, I risked getting all soaking wet; good thing it was just a drizzle, and I wasn't too far from my chalet! It'll be a different story if either it was raining cats and dogs...or if you're the kind that likes dancing in the rain :)

4) Extra plastic bags and/or sheets.

---Extra plastic comes in very handy during trips, simply because they're water and dirt-proof. Therefore, they're good for storage purposes, as well as for keeping all those extra stuff that you bought back...Do reuse them though, so that we can do our bit for environment conservation.

My experience: Since we lived in a pretty simple chalet, an extra plastic bag came in handy for keeping the clean clothes dry while the dirty ones were hanging on the rack, that had limited hooks since the bathroom was pretty small. Besides, I went to a beach vacation so think of all the sand trapped in those used outfits after a swim at the beach...so separating them is more convenient too.

3) Extra safety and/or hair pins.

---These are multi-purpose and basically explain themselves. Think impromptu lock picks, think getting small trapped stuff out of places, think patching up 'holes' of any kind temporarily.

My experience: I accidentally brought the wrong shirt to the trip because I kind of grabbed the shirt out of my drawer and coincidentally they were of the same color. The shirt that I accidentally bought was...uh well, not so presentable if I were to wear it out of the house just like that. A safety pin, along with my jacket, remedied the problem.

2) Shawl.

---for warmth during cold weather and cold air-conditioning, too. Shawls double up as protective headgear too. A personal tip is to use a shawl that's long enough to be a makeshift blanket too - for those times where the blanket provided isn't thick enough and you're still kinda numb from the cold...Use one that's made of thick, comfortable material that'll keep you warm and comfy :)

~I did a random Google search...and yes, guys do wear scarves too, but they're kinda short, so I'll ask you to bring a spare blanket to use for sleeping instead...so sorry dudes, this particular one is more for gals. 

My experience: This one came from watching my sis. Long story short, our air-cond was cold, she brought her shawl and managed to not wake up and freeze the way I did while trying to survive with a thin blanket throughout the night...Okay, a shawl would be my next investment.

1) Mosquito repellent.

---obviously, for repelling mosquitoes, because FYI, they can be deadly (more on that tomorrow). Also can be smeared around corners to repel ants, cockroaches and other insects you don't want to be near with. Unless you're the kind that likes to study insects while you sleep...

My experience: The chalet that we were staying was full of ants...with the not-so-occasional fly and mosquito dropping by for visits. The ants were all over the floor! So, with a bottle of all-natural mosquito repellent, I smeared that on tissues under the door. Even though there were still some ants by morning, it helped deter most of them away from our room after that...

That's what I can share for now. Haha I'm getting sleepy now...

Good night and enjoy today's post yeah :)

Sharing: On scholarships

Today I'm gonna share information about scholarships...mostly from useful outside sources (with a little personal opinion at the end of this post).

Here's an article describing some of the most common myths about scholarships (of any kind) and the truth behind it. To be honest, after SPM results were out, I took many of those myths to be true, too. Hope that these can clear the questions of anyone intending to apply for scholarships of any kind: Scholarship Myths Debunked

The parent site where this article came from, doctorjob.com.my, is very informative about post-SPM options, tertiary education information and career advice as well. Do check it out. Another good and comprehensive website about these information would be afterschool.my. Both sites have Q&A sections too, where you can ask any questions about tertiary education.

And of course, for real-time advice and information about scholarships and discussions about current issues and student experiences, there's always Recom.org. Be inspired by the articles in this week's edition of Remag about education as well :)

As for my personal opinion on scholarships? Well, generally I think that any prospective scholarship applicant must first know how to appreciate the scholarship, and abide to the conditions set by the body offering the scholarship. Not everyone gets one, you know, so if you do get one, be grateful.

Students should also, in my opinion, ought to have a passion for learning and improving themselves in terms of acquiring knowledge in general, a passion in the things they enjoy (and considerable effort to commit to action and excel in those areas instead of just saying that they like doing something), someone interested in current affairs and events, long-sightedness about personal life plans, as well as confidence and maturity in carrying themselves.

I'm still working on these qualities...How about you? And even if you have no intention of applying for scholarships now, I think every student should strive to cultivate these qualities in pursuing excellence...

A note to a first love...

Dear you,

It's been quite a while since I'd stopped listing you as someone I like, in my brain that is.

I still think about you now, not once in a while, but every once in a while.

I know this is not the kind of 'love' that makes people want to couple up or eventually get married a year later...

...and that the wise terms for it would be 'puppy love', 'crush' and 'infatuation', but I admit that I really liked you. A lot.

Even though I looked really silly when I was falling head over heels for you, I liked the butterflies in my stomach that I felt whenever you looked at me.

And when I talked to you, it's sweet, it's pleasant, it's good.

But I know that we aren't more than friends, and can't be, because I'm not ready for it, and it's not the best way to be, because if we were together the situation may be worse than being friends, and I don't want that to cause a rift in our friendship.

However, I can't deny that I enjoy being with you, because to me you are quite special.

I hope that even though now we're only just friends, but that our friendship will be a good one, a memorable one.

I don't think that I can forget you just yet.

So, let you be a sweet memory, one that gives me a smile whenever the thought of you comes to my mind :)

PS: Didn't I say relationships are complicated? "you's" of times ago come to mind. As of now, I'm gonna enjoy friendships to the max first :)

How to be a better consumer.

Have you ever felt tempted to buy more stuff when you walk into the supermarket? It happens to me every single time, and I'm not proud of it.

There is a whole area of study -- consumer behavior -- that deals with how and why people purchase things when shopping, as well as how media and advertisements can affect someone who is about to make a purchase by altering its perceived value. I won't go into too much detail about this now, there's a basic article about it on Wikipedia here that I found useful.

Anyway, just some thought provoking questions that I asked myself when at the mall today:

• Why do I feel tempted to buy stuff that I like the moment I see it (aka impulsive purchasing)?
• Why does certain things seem more appealing when promoted on discount/displayed in a certain way?
• Why whenever passing by the snack or ready-to-eat aisle, my mouth suddenly gets 'itchy' (if you know what I mean)?
• Why do retailers always put the price tag of (quite many) items to .99 RM(or insert any currency here) instead of rounding it up to whole numbers? (well, I'll answer myself on this one: it's a sales gimmick to make people think that the item is cheaper than it actually is, i.e 23.99 is cheaper than 24.00 even though the difference is merely a cent.)
• Do friendly salespeople make a shopper more positive towards making a purchase? (even if I didn't buy anything in the end, I still like friendly salespeople :))

Here are some general tips that I'd learned whenever doing shopping of any kind. I've heard these things said many times my many people, but these things are easier said than done. But when we do practice them, we save a lot of time and money:

• Always shop with a list.
• For perishables, always check the expiry date, labels, and the condition of the item when purchased.
• If browsing for non-essential items (wants) and your budget allows for it, set a budget/limit to purchasing, i.e I'll only buy 3 clothing items so I'd have to choose the best 3. This one personally has helped me not regret my purchases later and get the quality stuff :)
• If something really catches your eye, jot it down. Then on the 2nd or 3rd shopping trip, if that initial interest is still there, then only consider it as a serious purchase. (Most items that catch your eyes do wear off after a while.)
• Try timing yourself whenever shopping.
• If really, really tempted to buy something, make allowances for it (the occasional splurge) but sometimes we do have to avoid that department alltogether, if that's what it takes.

That's all I can contribute for now, and I hope that the (costly) lessons that I've learned from my shopping trips can be of help :)

It's NOT about the 3 "M"s: me, myself, I.

To anyone who struggles with the 3 alter egos, Me, Myself and I, constantly dominating your brain (yours truly here included):

It's not about me, because the world is made up of many unique individuals, each with their own stories to tell, and I am just one in a billion (or more) that can contribute. If it was about you, what are all those other people for? Think about it.

It's not about me, because when people don't respond to me, they have all the right to, with their own reasoning, and 99% percent of the time they don't respond for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with me at all.

It's not about me, because who am I, actually? Am I the center of the universe? Do my thoughts have to center around me?

Have it not be for God's undeserved grace I would not even exist here on earth, living and breathing for that matter.

It's not about me, it's about me having the means to be a blessing and a help to others around me, regardless of how small that contribution is, because every thought counts.

It's not about me, therefore I need not have any fear of rejection, even from the most perfect of strangers. 

If someone doesn't like me...either I need to right some wrong habit of mine (which is a positive step) or even if after that it still happens, well, too bad for that person then, my identity doesn't change because of that.

It's about leaving a legacy in people's lives, instead of fame, fortune, and other temporal means of happiness.

So to these 3 alter egos, Me, Myself and I, wherever you are: go out there, and reach out to someone in need. Stop just contemplating about your state all the time, you 3.

How can you reach out to someone in need today, in your own special way? Every thought counts. :)

Fun: The meaning of "It's complicated..."

Why did people have to create that status? Just wondering.

You know, friendships are complicated. Relationships are complicated.

Funny how one day someone doesn't ring a bell to you at first, then becomes a best friend mere weeks later, if conditions are right.

Funny how someone shows interest in another...then if the person doesn't return the interest, we give up, only to have the other person suddenly interested...

Funny how when girl likes guy, and guy likes girl too, but no one takes the first step to admit, and resort to mutual flirting that's more obvious to other people that they think.

Funny how people can be all best friends forever one day, fight or disagree the next, then become BFF's again later the following week with no recollection of any fight.

Funny how opposite-sex friends can become first annoying, then good friends, then he's a crush, then back to friend, but with remnants of infatuation.

Funny how you can admire someone a lot yet at the same time want to choke/punch/slap them out of sheer geram-ness. *sorry, can't find equivalent English word*

Funny how one can become 'coupled' with someone one year, break up the next, then make up the year after.

Funny how we always either jump in too fast, too furious in relationships, or take it too slow and regret later. The recipe only works if it's just right :)

And we can come up with a lot more complicated situations.

And if you wonder...

Why am I posting something like this?

Well...it's complicated...!

Wouldn't it be really good if everything about friendships and relationships was in black and white?

PS: situations above do not mean that yours truly has any intention of pursuing a relationship anytime soon :)

Thoughts for the week.

In no particular order:

• Semester exam is over. Yay! But about all those careless mistakes that I'd made in the exam? Aww. :(
• Piano test is tomorrow! Need to study...and finish up what's left of my piano homework.
• I blog because I love writing. Period.
• What's happening...need to continue to pray + keep up with what's happening in Japan, as well as for a friend who's still sick with dengue in the hospital. Lord, I pray for them and also more compassion on my part...
• So miss my school friends, even though I only left school for 2 days now...can't wait to meet up with them again :)
• About networking on my blog...I admit that I'm starting from zero experience right now, but I'll get there, hopefully.
• Didn't manage to make it for The Star - ESU public speaking workshop due to transport issues. The 2 things implied: I'm still gonna write a prepared essay based on the topic just for the love of writing...and I need to learn how to drive properly.
• Today's sermon taught me new knowledge...that I need to learn to simply rest and abide in God's presence daily, and He will take care of other worries as well as grant me His strength, power, provision etc. Nothing is impossible with God :)

Yea, basically those were the floating thoughts in my head for the week. That's a wrap. Onto the next week~

On healthy eating and nasi lemak addiction.

Can't believe how insensitive I am to unhealthy food nowadays.

It was a Sunday night, so my mom decided to take a break from cooking and we all went to a mamak stall for dinner. We ordered the usual (but kinda nice actually) mamak fare. I ordered fried Maggi noodles, mamak style, since it had been a long time since I had that.

When the food came, other members of my family 'pinched' (yea we call it that) a bit of my noodles, only to eat a scoop and come back with "Ugh, so salty!" Then I ate it...but to my amazement I didn't think that it was salty, when everyone else in the family unanimously came to that conclusion.

Why this came across as a complete surprise? Because well, at home my mom makes sure that we eat meals with less salt and seasoning, and by right we should be seasoned to less salt that outside fare would definitely seem salty at first bite. However, the fact that my tongue has become so insensitive...

Hmm, I think now I can point my finger back to my nasi lemak addiction. I have nasi lemak almost every time I have access to it, outside home for a meal. The sambal, especially.

So after discussing with my mom, we decided to pack extra sandwiches for school every school day, where before this I had nasi lemak almost every day for recess. She'll make the sandwiches more filling to last me for school, especially the days where I need to stay back after school. A proactive step in curbing my nasi lemak addiction, I hope.

On weekends...the temptation is greater when I'm on my own, and constant self-reminders of the importance of health would help a lot.

Don't be mistaken, I still love nasi lemak, but now I'd just have them as a treat. I think after this I'll savour every rare nasi lemak treat that I do have to the last scoop, it's more enjoyable that way since at the same time I know that I'm taking care of my health :)

The wedding dreams of an 18 year old. xD

Before I start this post, I wish to assure you that I'm too young and not thinking of getting married anytime in the near future...in the slightly distant future only...

However, today when I was at a hotel for a hi-tea event, I got inspired by the spiral staircase that led from the ground floor to the first.

I was thinking of how nice it'll be to descend down a spiral staircase and into the hall when I get married.

Also in my wishlist (all referring to a future beloved):

• Singing a duet with my beloved.
• Doing a two instrument acoustic duet with my beloved. (Yup, I love music).
• Getting a kiss (or two) from him. xDD
• Dance with him (hopefully I'm not that stiff by then..)
• After the wedding, he carries me down the aisle.
• PS: If he can come up with a creative, one-of-a-kind way of proposing...that'll be so sweet :D

Haha, as you can see, something as simple as a staircase can stir up my imagination. Oops, did I mention that I'm only 18? 

See, hopeful romantic speaking here...

Well, there are only 2 possible reactions to this: "aww" or "she thinks too much".

Aww. :)

On talking too much when excited...

I talk too much.

Yes, it's true.

Many times I speak my mind, since I'm thinking out loud, so those thoughts somewhere floating in my brain always do come out in the open sooner or later.

That's okay...except it needs to go through a extensive filter first before coming out. Indiscreet speech has landed me into trouble more than once. Well, sometimes certain lessons need to be relearned again and again...

So, my next plan of action when I'm excited over something (and hence get all jumpy inside, and not focused on the task at hand, e.g eating or studying) is to 

1) go to somewhere private and jump and scream all I can (LOL, how feasible is this?), or

2) go rant on 750words.com. I'll definitely pass the word limit with all those excited emotions desperately banging to get out of my head :)

Current news and issues.

Here's a current list of issues that I'd been following. Sharing is caring :)

1) The very recent quake/tsunami in Japan, now also affecting Hawaii and the U.S west coast:
Article by CNN

2) SPM results are officially OUT on the 23th of March:
Article by NST

3) I just stumbled into this one, related to the Business Studies subject that I'm currently studying...!
Article by NST (current news about ANGKASA)

4) This one's about women's rights:
Article by TNG

Okay, only 4 for now... :)

On the title of this blog.

*note: the title of the blog has been changed since Sept 2011 to "Deb's Ink Trail" and there's no long explanation for choosing that title, but I'll keep this post for memories.*

So you must be wondering: Why on earth did I choose the title 'Pursuing a warrior spirit?'

Well, the short explanation : because I am. :)

The slightly detailed one: Right now, in my eighteenish-going on nineteen life, I've been very blessed and glad to be given many opportunities in life that I'd never experienced before because I was so content with my sheltered life that I was scared of venturing out and doing the brave kind of stuff.

And now, I am going to scale heights and mountains (metaphorically) that I'd never done before in life.

From something as tiny as making a phone call to order pizza (I've done that a few times now, and yes, I normally chicken out from doing that) and also the huger things that I've been responsible, such as school leadership opportunities and writing/editing opportunities that I'm currently involved in, even steps in the areas of friendships and social adaptability. (I'm very glad on that one.)

I know that these are just the beginning of the other things and happenings that I'm going to experience after this,especially now in these years of prime and opportunity.

And being a frog under a coconut shell (literally translated from the Malay saying) all this while, as I take small steps to explore this whole new world of ideas and opportunities, I need to be brave to face the challenges that come with all these things. Challenges that require wisdom, maturity, and strength to tackle.

Therefore, now I'm pursuing a warrior spirit, where I resolve to always be brave to take risks and not back down and give in to laziness, complacency, and fear, trusting that if something is God's will for me, He won't withhold any good from me so that I can grow, mature and reach out to those around me. But at the same time, this warrior must always know who she really is and be humble and teachable, always learning from observation and wisdom from the people around me :)

So there you have it: the origins of this blog's title.