Do you feel anxious and also disappointed whenever you send someone a message (especially if that 'someone' is either a good friend or someone you have your eyes on) and don't get any replies for hours?
Expanding the question above, do you feel a little taken aback when you take the time (and also the teeny-bit of hand energy) to type a long message to someone, sometimes complete with smilies, and all you get in reply is just "K" ? Annoying much...!
Do you feel a little worried when you are IM-ing or chatting with someone, and then suddenly that guy or girl goes offline without saying a proper goodbye, and no explanation whatsoever? Do you wonder if you accidentally typed something that the person doesn't want to see, and that that person is taken aback with what you said?
Do you feel disappointed when there are no views and/or comments on the stuff you posted on your Facebook, Twitter, blog etc., especially when the things you posted require answers, or you did something and wanted feedback desperately?
Lastly, do you feel that there are inconsistencies in some or many of your relationships, where you are able to talk, without holding back, to someone online or while messaging them, but when you see them face to face you don't talk much or not talk at all due to awkwardness?
Personally, I have these worries all the time...!
This obsession with replies has got to have reasons, and I think the most important one is, directly, our need for acceptance and recognition. When someone doesn't reply us, be it face-to-face or otherwise, we'll naturally feel uneasy and I guess a kind of nerve (figuratively) is excited - where we start this whole mechanism of either defending ourselves or endlessly seeking why the other party doesn't reply. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that media, being either verbal or non-verbal, has a personal element to it and that as communicators, we invest feelings into what we say or show to others.
Imagine this scenario: A friend misunderstands you, and due to that he's giving you the cold shoulder the entire day. Most of the time, based on the personality that you have, After wondering and giving thought, rather uneasily, why the other person is treating you this way, we either take action by apologizing or explaining, or if we think we are justified and not at fault, choose to ignore the other person's behavior too, or we can not take action at all until needed. And based on the other person's personality too, this mechanism of action dictates whether you'll be talking to this person the next day, or become alienated from them, etc etc.
Now, when feelings are invested in any situation of communication, I think that sometimes rational reasoning may be left out. For instance, there can be many reasons why people don't reply messages: they could be in the middle of something, or their phone was charging, or they put the phone in the bag and can't hear the message tone, and others. As for why people reply shortly, the reasons can be just either purely practical: for many prepaid plans it's cheaper if your message is shorter, whereas for some there's a fixed rate per message so we can reply as long as we want within the message limit; or personality: some people just prefer to reply short and precise messages to people. Generally, (this is just a personal opinion) I think most guys respond this way unless there's a lot of information involved, as well as some girls who are more direct in their way of conversation.
With all the rational options up there, I think that we should be more rational when communicating with people, giving people the benefit of the doubt more often and not try to over-analyze things and come to rash conclusions. Then, even with the feeling that we invest, we can objectively choose the next thing to do about any situation.
A last note here to you and me: Persevere in the relationships that you have. I know that this whole business of maintaining relationships can be hard work, but when you continue to invest in them no matter rain or shine, the fruits of our labor will show: trust, a shoulder to lean on, genuine interest in each others' lives, and many more. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment